Is she getting cold feet, or something worse?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
30 posts
  • Wedding: December 2015

Maybe it’s because society makes same sex couples feel so terrible about getting married. Everyone deserves a fairy tale wedding but the media makes it hard to feel good about it when all you see everywhere is heterosexual couples and their “fairy tale” weddings. It’s really not fair. 

Post # 3
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like the romance of getting married hasn’t hit her… it sounds like she really wants to!  Have you thought about setting up some sort of romantic proposal for her?!  I think she would love it!  A big surprise!  Maybe you can present to her another ring, like a stand-in ring… or an upgrade!  Or even the wedding band.

What about hanging out with other married couples?  Talking to a bunch of wives this weekend about wedding details and attending a wedding really made it exciting for me again.

Post # 4
745 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PP — how did you give her the ring? She mentioned wanting the proposal, could you do something super romantic? If you already gave her a ring, you could give her something else that’s sweet (or offer to go get it cleaned before engagement shoot, then say you wanted to give it to her properly?)


Post # 5
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

dancingbear1188:  Don’t dance around the issue anymore, you’ve got to get to the bottom of this and figure out why she is feeling this way. Is she not excited about marriage? Is everything moving too quickly for her? I mean it has been 8 years; why propose if she wasn’t looking forward to it? It doesn’t make sense unless she felt pressured.

Post # 6
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

dancingbear1188:  ummmm just throwing my perspective in here.

I hated being engaged. I hated planning a wedding. I hated the attention.  I thought it would be the happiest time and it wasn’t. The stress was too much.

I have been married a year. I love being married. I love my husband dearly. I love our life together. For me, everything fell into place after we said I Do and got back to our normal life.

I was not a good fiancee, i am a wonderful wife. It could be she is feeling the same way?

Post # 7
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I was that person. We got engaged and picked a date that gave us two years to plan the wedding. I flat out didn’t want to talk about, think about, or have anything to do with the wedding for the first YEAR. I LOVE my fiance – he is absolutely the person I want to be with, but for me it was more because of this: 

1. I HATE romance. Rom coms make me barf, I’m just not a “girly girl” in that sense. I felt like there was this expectation that I would just swoon and start becoming that person and I think it was my internal resistance to that.

2. My ex cheated on me and it made me super uncomfortable with getting excited for a future with someone – I felt like I always had my guard up

3. It’s STRESSFUL. There’s so much to do and decide and I felt like I had so much time, so I was just going to sweep it under the rug and start thinking about it when the time came. 

Never once did it have ANYTHING to do with my fiance. And you know what happened? This summer we went to someone elses wedding and it kicked me into overdrive and now I’m in wedding planning mode 24/7. Long story short, my take is to not worry about it, she’ll come around. 

Post # 8
872 posts
Busy bee

It sounds to me that she has imagined her wedding and being engaged as something absolutely huge and magical, and that its not quite living up to the expectations. I think alot of people go through something similar when they realise its not all that TV and movies make it out to be. I think this shows when she said she always expected getting proposed to- growing up we all imagine this great grand proposal and romantic gestures and in reality, its just different (amazing still but just different). Obviously when she proposed she knew that it would be different, but she might not have prepared for how she would feel after. When you are proposed to you get that excitement- that feeling of suprise (even when you know its coming) but having done all the planning herself she never had that feeling. I dont think this means she has cold feet though- more that it just doesnt feel as real or exciting as she thought it would (alot of people also feel this when they realise they can’t afford everything they wanted for the wedding). I think if you could- a nice romantic gesture would be great and might remind her that this is actually happening. You could take her out for a suprise picnic with really good food and champagne as a ‘Were getting married omfg!’ and give her a small present – just a little token or something she can wear on the wedding day. She just needs reminders of how special it all really is.

Post # 9
1473 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe it isn’t the marriage, but the wedding that has her feeling this way? Maybe she would rather have a small, intimate wedding, than the lavish kind you see on TV?

It sounds more like cold feet, or stress. I thinks she still loves you and wants to be with you. Maybe you two just need to have a heart to heart. Don’t be afraid of what she’ll say, because if you don’t talk it out, you’re going to be constantly wondering.

Post # 10
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

dancingbear1188:  maybe what she means is all she is seeing and hearing about is weddings.  They’re everywhere.  Maybe do something that focuses on you that’s fun, something that has absolutely nothing to do with weddings, wedding planning, or getting married.  It’s really easy to get swept up in wedding world and forget that there’s more happening.  I know I annoyed DH with everything wedding at first – like you we’d been together 8 years by the time we were engaged.  He was shocked at how quickly everything turned wedding after the engagement. 

Out of curiosity – did you give your FW a romantic proposal?  She said that she always thought would be proposed to – maybe she’s feeling a little left out of the romance?

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