Post # 1
My sister and I were in my BF’s wedding this summer (august). My BF married my male cousin. The night of the wedding my sister took two of the groomsmen home. One of the groomsmen happened to be completely drunk to the point that they couldn’t get him out of the car. The other groomsmen, who is best friends with the groom, wasn’t that drunk but very tipsy. My sister ended up having to stay at his place. He tried to sleep with my sister who wouldn’t have minded both being single but my sister just felt weird about it because it was our cousin’s(the groom) best friend. So she told him NO. He became a douche and was trying to tell her she needed to leave his apartment. My sister couldn’t leave because the other groomsman was still passed out in the car. He immediately apologized for being a douche and said he shouldn’t be like that with her and let her sleep on the bed and him on the couch. My sister squashed it after that night and left it at that. Besides everyone had been drinking and sometimes we do stupid things when we drink.
My sister gets a text from this groomsmen yesterday (3 months later). Saying he knows he’s late but needed to apologize for what happen that night of the wedding and he didn’t mean to disrespect her. My sister thought it was very out of the blue. And told him that it was so random but he apologized that night and she thought it was down and over with.
Come to find out our cousin (the groom) called his best friend to tell him he needed to apologize for what he did and doesn’t need to disrespect his family. The only reason he found out is because our best friend the bride knew because my sister confided in her as a friend but had told her not to tell anyone especially the groom because she didn’t want to make a big deal about it or cause a fight.
Now things are very awkward and tense. I get where my cousin is coming from but he had already apologized that night to my sister and they both had already talked about the situation and dropped it, why bring it back up again. My sister is upset that our friend the bride said something to the groom because she didn’t want this awkwardness fight between everyone because we still do all hang out. I’m just curious to hear your opinions.
Post # 2
dessilove: I think when you confide in part of a couple, there’s a level of expectation that information shared might get to the other half of the couple. I know my friends generally assume that if they tell me something, I’ll probably tell DH and vice versa. There are obviously exceptions.
Your sister maybe chose the wrong person to confide in in this situation. She probably shouldn’t have said something to her husband and I can’t blame him for being upset that his best friend was a jerk to his cousin.
I think everyone just needs to say ‘it happened, water under the bridge, let’s be adults and move on’.
Post # 3
It sounds like she shouldn’t be mad at anyone.
Post # 4
Ummmm, she didn’t want the groom to know, because she didn’t want a fight/awkwardness so now she is going to cause a fight/awkwardness by not just accepting a second apology?
Firstly, as a wife I would 100% tell my husband what had happened and as a person I think that the groom was right in insisting on a second apology because a drunken one just doesn’t quite cut it for trying to kick a girl out of your apartment in the middle of the night because she wouldn’t sleep with you.
It sounds like your sister is being defensive because she is embarrassed when really she should not feel this way at all, all embarrassment should be felt by D-bag groomsmen. However, your sister is likely feeling some “I’m to blame” type feelings that many people do in situations like this. You need to make sure she is ok and knows that nothing she did that night in anyway justified the groomsmen’s reaction. It’s important for groom to know so that he can see his best friend in a different light and make sure that this kind of behaviour does not occur again.
Post # 5
I think your sister needs to go back to your cousin (groom) and straighten things out. Tell him that he has already apologized and done right by her the night it happened and there was no need for him to butt in 3 months later and that HE should go back and apologize to his friend for bringing it up again when all *involved* parties had already moved way past it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
i dont keep secrets from my FI. dont tell me something if you dont want him to know about it.
Post # 7
dessilove: Sounds like a delayed to a stupid night that unfortunately got rehashed. It was nice of him to text another apology. He probably thought that she was the one who brought it up to someone else all this time later. Knowing now that it wasn’t her and that she had accepted his apology the first time, this should be the end of it. If it’s not or it gets repeated she needs to tell the people that are repeating it that the matter was resolved and no hard feelings.
Post # 8
I understand why the groom was upset but if things had already been resolved between the two why make things a bigger problem. I do also tell my SO other everything Not much is kept a secret between each other.
Post # 9
For those of you that are curious. We had a talk with the Bride who is our friend and pretty much stated that she would prefer that her husband distance himself from this groomsmen because he is just a man whore and doesn’t want her husband hanging out with him because he’s immature. She even had a talk with the groomsmen too. Take in mind these two have known eachother since they were very little (5yrs old) .
Post # 10
So the bride basically used this situation (which was wrong 100% on the groomsmens part) as ammunition to get her husband stay away from him. So it wasnt really about an apology (especially since he had already apologized). thats kind of messed up on the brides side.
Post # 11
dessilove: I think your sister has every right to be upset that her friend, the bride, shared her confidence. Your sister had every right to expect that what she shared would be held in confidence. I don’t buy the bullshit excuse of I share everything with my husband/partner. If that is true then you owe it to the person/friend to explain that you can’t be trusted to keep their secrets before they say anything to you.
It is absolutely shitty friend behaviour to betray their confidence and to assume that they should automatically know that you would do so. I feel sorry for anyones friends who are currently thinking that their secrets are safe with their trusted friend. Little do they know.
The bride owes your sister an apology and the groom owes both your sister and his friend an apology for sticking his nose into their business, business that was already sorted.
Post # 12
j_jaye: Im also disgusted at the number of threads where women are claiming “if you tell me a secret OF COURSE i tell my husband. We dont have secrets.” Really??? Well newsflash you aren’t a friend. With so called friends like that, no thank you. I’d rather share my secrets w enemies, at least that way I’ll know before hand that I’ll be double crossed. SMDH
Post # 13
bklynbridetobe: Exactly. At least you can see the knife in the back coming with an enemy. It is also kind of sad that they actually have so little respect for their friend. I bet they would be the first to cry bad friend if one of their secrets got out due to someone betraying their confidence.