Is she mad at the wrong person?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Hostess
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

dessilove:  I think when you confide in part of a couple, there’s a level of expectation that information shared might get to the other half of the couple.  I know my friends generally assume that if they tell me something, I’ll probably tell DH and vice versa.  There are obviously exceptions.

Your sister maybe chose the wrong person to confide in in this situation.  She probably shouldn’t have said something to her husband and I can’t blame him for being upset that his best friend was a jerk to his cousin. 

I think everyone just needs to say ‘it happened, water under the bridge, let’s be adults and move on’.

Post # 3
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like she shouldn’t be mad at anyone. 

Post # 4
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ummmm, she didn’t want the groom to know, because she didn’t want a fight/awkwardness so now she is going to cause a fight/awkwardness by not just accepting a second apology? 

Firstly, as a wife I would 100% tell my husband what had happened and as a person I think that the groom was right in insisting on a second apology because a drunken one just doesn’t quite cut it for trying to kick a girl out of your apartment in the middle of the night because she wouldn’t sleep with you. 

It sounds like your sister is being defensive because she is embarrassed when really she should not feel this way at all, all embarrassment should be felt by D-bag groomsmen. However, your sister is likely feeling some “I’m to blame” type feelings that many people do in situations like this. You need to make sure she is ok and knows that nothing she did that night in anyway justified the groomsmen’s reaction. It’s important for groom to know so that he can see his best friend in a different light and make sure that this kind of behaviour does not occur again.

 

Post # 5
Member
12781 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think your sister needs to go back to your cousin (groom) and straighten things out.  Tell him that he has already apologized and done right by her the night it happened and there was no need for him to butt in 3 months later and that HE should go back and apologize to his friend for bringing it up again when all *involved* parties had already moved way past it.

Post # 6
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee

i dont keep secrets from my FI. dont tell me something if you dont want him to know about it.

Post # 7
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

 

dessilove:  Sounds like a delayed to a stupid night that unfortunately got rehashed. It was nice of him to text another apology. He probably thought that she was the one who brought it up to someone else all this time later. Knowing now that it wasn’t her and that she had accepted his apology the first time, this should be the end of it. If it’s not or it gets repeated she needs to tell the people that are repeating it that the matter was resolved and no hard feelings.

Post # 8
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I understand why the groom was upset but if things had already been resolved between the two why make things a bigger problem. I do also tell my SO other everything Not much is kept a secret between each other. 

Post # 10
Member
7121 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So the bride basically used this situation (which was wrong 100% on the groomsmens part)  as ammunition to get her husband stay away from him. So it wasnt really about an apology (especially since he had already apologized). thats kind of messed up on the brides side.

Post # 11
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

dessilove:  I think your sister has every right to be upset that her friend, the bride, shared her confidence. Your sister had every right to expect that what she shared would be held in confidence. I don’t buy the bullshit excuse of I share everything with my husband/partner. If that is true then you owe it to the person/friend to explain that you can’t be trusted to keep their secrets before they say anything to you.

It is absolutely shitty friend behaviour to betray their confidence and to assume that they should automatically  know that you would do so. I feel sorry for anyones friends who are currently thinking that their secrets are safe with their trusted friend. Little do they know.

The bride owes your sister an apology and the groom owes both your sister and his friend an apology for sticking his nose into their business, business that was already sorted.

Post # 12
Member
7121 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

j_jaye:  Im also disgusted at the number of threads where women are claiming “if you tell me a secret OF COURSE i tell my husband. We dont have secrets.” Really??? Well newsflash you aren’t a friend. With so called friends like that, no thank you. I’d rather share my secrets w enemies, at least that way I’ll know before hand that I’ll be double crossed. SMDH

Post # 13
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

bklynbridetobe:  Exactly. At least you can see the knife in the back coming with an enemy. It is also kind of sad that they actually have so little respect for their friend. I bet they would be the first to cry bad friend if one of their secrets got out due to someone betraying their confidence.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors