Post # 1
Ok i just want to explain the week I had, it was my SIL bday and i didnt attend. So I thought since I am having a baby shower ill bring her some flowers. My HB and I went to store looking for flowers for his mom and i said i am buying some for your SIL too. He got all pissed off and said why would you buy her anything? I said cause we didnt get her anything or attend her bday party. So he left the store and said do wht ever, then went to pout in the car. So that night i went to see her to give her the flowers. She sits next to me and i notice this new ring on her finger, it was very cute. I dont mention it but i surely noticed it was new. So i ask her what did your husband get you, she says he got me a workout bike, but i told him i didnt like it so take it back. So my HB shows up and theres only one spot to sit and its on the love seat next to SIL. He sits there and they both look really awkward, they couldnt even face eachother while talking.
I was in the kitchen holding baby talking and standing looking at them sitting on the love seat. SIL gets up to ask if anyone needs help, then i go sit by my HB. SIL comes back and sits in the chair next to my HB and shes playing with the ring. She keeps looking at it and shes was enjoying the view of it i could tell. I mention it and say so where did you get this beautiful ring? She starts to studder and cant answer me she looks at my HB and she finally says my parents, she had a hard time saying it. Then i said oh yea is it white gold? Shes like i dont know what it is, my HB blutted out is regular gold. Shes like oh really i love it. Then it got really awkward and my HB gets up real fast and says well i better get going home i am tired. Then he was pacing the kitchen like he lost something. He was having a hard time looking at me. Then he comes back and says i am going to help by taking some of these gifts.
So i get home and i mention the ring situation, he tells me that he knew what it was cause she showed him, but i was sitting there and she was hiding it not showing it. Then he freaks out and leaves the room and cant look at me hes hiding in the kitchen, I cal him to talk and get it out if hes having an affair. He says you say that and you will regret it and points at baby.
So the next day I go onto FB and I notice shes not on our FB as friends. She deleted her self off. I mention this to my HB and he loses it. Hes like hunting for her and getting all pissed off then says i think ill call her to ask her why she did this. Then he starts saying she better not be cheating again with that guy if she is i am going to beat the guy up. He said i am going to stalk his house and see if i see her car there, thats what i used to do is go and watch to see if she went there. I said dont you think if shes cheating on your brother she should deal with her own problems you should stay out of it. She wants the guy so let them be, mention it to your brother. Then we leave in seperate cars to go out for the night, and i can see him driving in front of me while on the phone. He speed up so i couldnt tell he was on the phone but i could. Then i park he parks far away from me, then i walk towards him and it looked like he was crying. I said did you call her? He said call who??? Yea you know!!! SIL he says no i said you look upset. He says i am and i am going to call her, i said ITS NOT YOUR WIFE I AM YOUR WIFE!!!! LET IT GO!! CALL YOUR BROTHER!!!
So what is going on??? Am I fricken crazy, we have his mother bday to go too. and now i have to sit in the same room with the women i dont want her near my child. I told my HB i dont want to sit next to her, if i have to go to this event, then you sit by her, since you love her so much. I want to see what diretion he is looking in, his wifes or his SIL.
Post # 3
@Daisys4U: Hmm. I can’t really say too much other than it DOES seem a bit strange that he’d be almost possessive of your/his SiL like that. I’m not trying to rock your boat anymore than it already has been, but is there ANY chance t all anyhting weird may have ever happened between thetwo of them, your H and SiL? Even before he was with you, or she was with his brother? He’s taking the idea of her cheating not as a betrayal of his broher, like you are, but as though she’s cheating on HIM(?) from what I’m reading here. Again, I’m sure I’m missing lots of the story, and am not trying to jump to conlcusions, but felt I’d mention it.
I don’t like his answer to you about “regretting” asking him if he’s haivng an affair. It wasn’t a direct, “No, how vould you ask me that?”, or even a hurt, “I’m ad you ould think that of me.” It was a veiled threat of sorts. “You’ll regret it?” WTF does that mean? Again, reading from what you’ve writtne I’d have taken that to mean he’d leave you and the baby (you’re exepecting, right? It was your shower you were having?)
There’s got to be some other information here he’s not giving you – either he and the SiL had soemthing, he’s caught he cheating in the past and is SUPER protective of his brother, maybe his brother has been devestated before by other woemn cheating on him or your H was cheated on and takes any cheating personally? I don’t know, sorry I can’t be any help. I hope you can get it straightened out, neither one of them is acting “normal”.
Post # 4
Your not crazy and its not your hormones. Something isn’t right. I agree w/ @Isilme. It sounds like a prior relationship occurred before you were married. And if it did it did, but he needs to come clean. I don’t know if he’s having an affair but its time for him to be an adult and explain why there’s all this tension btwn them. Its not fair to you and it won’t help your marriage.
Post # 5
Yes, from the beginning our relationship i have been worried about the two of them. We have been together for 5 years. I have pleaded and accused him from being with her. I also asked him if her child was his. Not his brothers, he begs me and says no its not his. They never had a relationship but they both act like they do. MY HB’s parents go away for half the year and i always wondered if thats where they met up, go there to mess around. My HB told me that she cheated with that guy and his brother was not sure if that was his kid since they dont sleep in the same bed, because he caught her cheating and almost devorsed at 3 years in. When i first hung out with them she did not like me, i was a lot skinnyer and i had jump in my step very social. I have mellowed out now that i am older.
We all went to the cabin one year 4 months into my relationship and she offered a drink to me it was her home made wine, my first glass. I drank it and became very ill, she helped me to the toilet but not in our cabin that we were staying in, she brought me to the next door cabin. I was in the basment and heard her tell my HB that i was way to sick and i was going to bed and staying in other cabin. So i hear that and i crawl to the other cabin to sleep in my bed and i get there barely and fall to the floor behind the bed. My HB AND SIL walk up to loft i could barely speak i could see them. He was pulling on her shirt guiding her into the room, they got in there and were going towards bed and i started to gag again to puke, shes like oMG your in here ill go get you some pepto. So it started the accusing and what is going on. That whole weekend he would spray her with water and play with her hair. I should of knew right there. Her HB didnt even know or care.
Then i get her telling me every chance she gets that my HB looks just like her son they eat the same they stand the same the sleep the same. EVERYTHING. ALL THE TIME!!!! My wedding shower she hated me, she was so sour and upset that we were getting married it was so noticable. My wedding day when i was getting ready the lady brought the boutiner and she runs to door and says ill give it to him. Luckly his sister saw my face and said NO I WILL. My HB gets really mad when i say what a great father his brother is to thier son SIL AND BIL. he hates it then makes bad remarks about him. I dont understand why its that bad.
Post # 6
When I read it I was thinking your hubby gave her the ring…
Post # 7
This all seems very odd to me. I would probably feel quite uncomfortable about the situation as you do. Has your BIL ever said anything about feeling like something was going on?
Post # 8
@Daisys4U: You have posted several times about your husband’s erratic behavior… I don’t mean to be harsh, but have you ever really confronted him about these things?
My heart aches for you after reading this post because, in my opinion, it sounds like your husband is the “other guy”. And by acting crazy when you mention how good of a father your BIL is and going nuts when he can’t located the SIL on facebook…. it’s so disrespectful to so many people but most especially to you…
You shouldn’t have to go to your mother-in-laws and “test” him to see if he looks at you, his wife, or his SIL more…that’s just C-R-A-Z-Y.
Post # 9
It sounds funny to me too…. I’m so sorry your dealing with this hun! Keep us updated- I’ll keep you in my prayers!
Post # 10
So did he buy her the ring? Cos I’m still not clear on that part. How did he know that he ring is gold and why does the ring make him uncomfortable?
Post # 11
this story is definatly fishy and makes it seem that the HB and SIL have some history and some unfinished business. Now that you are his wife you have every right to know what is going on. The story about the camping trip is a big red flag!! I would confront him ASP!
Post # 12
So do you want to know the answer or not? Even if they tell you no, nothing is going on, what is your gut telling you.
If I was in this situation. I know my gut would be telling me that *something* was going on between DH and SIL. Whether or not it was full on affair, something isn’t right. I know you have a kid, but I don’t know if I could stay in a relationship with someone who is so disrespectful of me.
Post # 13
I have read all your previous posts. You are in an unhealthy relationship with both your husband and his family. Everyone on here has told you repeatedly to leave him or get counceling, you have refused both. There is not much else to tell you.
From your other posts you have suspected a relationship before. I think you know what’s going on, but just can’t admit it to yourself.
Post # 14
I have not refused councelling i got councelling but he has to join me and he wont. So theres no solvingthe problem. I confronted him on this issue with the ring and he said he did not buy it for her. My suspected he did but his words say no he didnt. So do i belive him, no i dont. But i also dont want to truth cause when i do find out i am scared of my actions toward this women. I talked to BIL and he doesnt want to talk about it and he denys anything i say. I mentioned she has a eating disorder and he got mad at me. Then in front of his family he said i am anorexic. I weigh 165 lb i laughed at him. You are right i should have to TEST him, but i tell you this much i do not want to be at this party, i am pulling the i am sick card. But i dont want my HB to take the baby without me. Mind you i do feel ill but its from stress. I dont want to leave him cause i love him, as crazy as this sounds. Even when his family treats me like shit i get sucked into how much he cares and loves me. Also seeing him with baby he just melts over baby. I just want the truth and if he says no he didnt i have to execpt it and keep a close eye on him till i catch anything with proff, other then assume. The ring he said she showed him but i was sitting right there and she didnt show him.
Post # 15
@Daisys4U: It sounds like something fishy is going on…I felt this way in one of your threads awhile back. My advice is the same now as it was then, get out. This is a very unhealthy relationship (based off all of your posts about wondering if you should get a divorce, being unhappy, worrying about him cheating, etc) and it sounds like you also have a very controlling mother in law. You need to think about what is best for you and your baby.
Post # 16
@Atalanta: I thought the same thing
I dont what is going on but whatever it is does not seem right dont take this the wrong way, I dont want to hurt you but are you sure your husband isnt the one having an affair with her? I only ask because of the way you said they were acting at her house. If he just knew about her having an affair with someone and she knew that your husband knew I see how that could cause them to be uncomfortable but not to the level your talking about and what he said to you about regretting it that is beyond wrong. I think if your feeling like they are having an affair you need to go to her husband and let him know whats going on its the right thing to do