Post # 1
I love my DH dearly and I couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else. With that being said lately things seem so hard. We are constantly bickering about things that don’t even matter. We had joint finances before we got married and always worked together so I figured things would be pretty easy. The hard stuff was dealt with and under control, but the little things such as the color wood of a coffee table turn into arguments. Its just that we are arguing about things that we know aren’t worth it and instead of continuing fighting we both have just been seperating.
We always had a very strong relationship so this is a little bit difficult for me to talk about with others that know us, but is anyone else or did anyone else find themselves struggling in regards to their relationship during the first year of being married?
Post # 3
I kept hearing this and was warned about it, but I haven’t ran into it myself. But i had one friend nearly rip her hair out over how stressful being married was.
Post # 4
Nope, the last year of marriage is the hardest. Ba da dum! 😛
Well, speaking as a divorced person, that’s true! But did you just move in together after marriage or did you live with each other before? Sounds more like moving in pains to me…
Post # 5
@luckyprincess- It’s a little odd but in order to save money to buy our house he moved in with my family. So while we didn’t live together on our own we still were living with each other and knew every little pet peeve. It’s like we knew each other’s little things but suddenly after 6 yrs they are getting to both of us.
Post # 6
I think usually stupid arguements are really disguised as something else. Sometimes when we’re stressed or something else is bugging us – it tends to come out in the weirdest way. Sounds like you two need to reconnect/touch base together and perhaps step out of a routine. Make sure you are connecting and have a date night… insert some fun.
Post # 7
I’m not married yet but I did move in with my FI about a year ago in our own house and I’ll say that this year was both the best and the hardest year of our relationship. At first I found we were bickering a lot like you said– but i think it was kind of because we were committed at that point (engagement and joint mortgage) and the stakes were a lot higher. Suddenly everything he did i was like “omg can i live with this for the next 60 years?????” and I blew it out of proportion.
Choose your battles.
Post # 8
I would try talking to him at a time when you aren’t fighting. Calmly sit down with him and tell him that you want to discuss the fact that you are bickering a lot. Acknowledge that you know this is a 50/50 thing and that you aren’t blaming him for the fighting because you know it’s just as much your fault. Try to make a promise to each other to approach disagreements in a calm way and to respect each other’s opinion. Two people are never going to agree on everything, but it’s how you work out the disagreement that matters.
Post # 9
You know, I’ve done both too, except I was the one moving in with his family at one point. So although that’s a pretty good run to find out if you’re good at living together, I think that now that you’re in the same space you’ll have this bickering stage. It’s just an adjustment period, imo and it causes stress. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 10
I found the first year to be pretty easy. It was farther along in the relationship when things became harder and more stressful. No matter how well you think you know someone, there can come a time when you wonder who’s laying next to you in bed and what happened to the guy you thought you married?
Everyone has struggles. You have to find what works to resolve them in your particular relationship to help get you through life’s challenges. Sometimes backing away is all you can do until things calm down. It can get better with a lot of patience, a ton of humor, and plenty of soul searching.
Best of luck.
Post # 11
I was also warned about this, but don’t feel that this first year of being married has been difficult. HOWEVER- we did live together for almost 2 years by the time we were married- and I will say, that moving in together was EXTREMELY stressful- we fought all the time! Almost all of my friends who had stressful first years of marriage were couples who did not live together before getting hitched, so I think that the difficulties that came that first year had more to do with cohabitating than the marriage itself.
Post # 12
I have no idea! For laid back people it probably isn’t any harder than any other year, but I have a feeling that during the engagement period, people are so happy in general that things that might have otherwise bugged them to the point of arguing about it just roll off their back. That, or both people are on their best behavior because they don’t want to “taint” the engagement period with fighting so they just let stuff go, but then, once they’re married, don’t feel like they have to hold back any longer and just go back to fussing over stuff that bothers them.
Post # 13
I have heard that the 5th year of your relationship (whether it be married or dating or engaged, ect.) is the hardest.
Post # 14
Honestly, I don’t think so. Maybe for some people, but my DH and I have never been happier and rarely fight or argue. What I find is that the people that “warned” you had a hard time and think it’s like that for everyone.
Post # 15
I don’t think it’s the first year necessarily. Have there been some big changes recently or outside stress? I have found that when work get stressful for myself or FI we tend to take it out on each other. (We’re working on not doing that…) But maybe that is what is causing the difficulties for you and DH?
@Miss Seersucker: That’s interesting… We are in our 5th year and I’m finding it incredibly difficult. But that could just be the whole planning a wedding and the rest of our lives thing. 😉
Post # 16
@JewishBride : What I find is that the people that “warned” you had a hard time and think it’s like that for everyone.- I totally agree with you! The people who issued the warnings do think it’s like that for everyone. First they did it about marriage, and now they’re “warning” me about children (they have kids and I don’t). Oy! 🙂