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Have you tried explaining to her that the invitation for the tasting says only parents are allowed? Maybe she just didn't realize that you weren't allowed to bring whoever you want!
my mom was the one who talked to her and said that the invite was for the bride, groom & parents but she is like well maybe she can come in place of my FI dad.... this just annoys me to no end
I'm not sure this is worth fighting over. Can you just call and say, "hey, can I bring my FSIL instead of my FFIL?" If they say no, they are the bad guy. If they say yes, bring her along.
Yes, she is wrong. You are going to have to talk to her. Just say that I know it would be fun if your daughter came, but the invite clearly says its for us and our parents. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking the to bend the rules for us.
This conversation has to be had bc honestly your venue may not even be willing to allow her to come.
I agree with monitajb. Call the vendor and see what they say.
I am not sure I understand. Do you not want her daughter to attend, or is the catering facility prohibiting it?
Call the vendor and ask. They're offering to feed 6 people, I'm sure they don't HAVE to be yours and FH's parents but if you prefer it to be then that's something you need to deal with with FMIL. She's not being rude by asking IMO. Being rude would have not been asking and sorting it out herself and you finding out on the day that she was bringing FSIL instead of FFIL.
What if you don't have parents? You can't bring anyone? That seems silly to me. Just double check with the venue and who cares if your FSIL comes?
Yeah, this is one of those "pick your battles" situations. Your FMIL is definitely rude by just inviting whoever she wants, even if they're a replacement for your FFIL. BUT, I don't think it's worth fighting over. Just give the venue a call and hope they say only parents. If not, allow your FSIL to come, but ONLY as a replacement for your FFIL. If she wants them BOTH to attend, put your foot down and just say the tasting is only for six people.
I agree with Miss Chapstick. I wouldn't raise a stink over this. Now if she starts trying to include FSIL in other aspects of the wedding planning...then you need to put your foot down. Just don't make it a fight/power struggle if you don't have to, KWIM?
Is the reason you don't want FSIL to come because you just want the decision to be between you, FI, your parents, & his parents? Or is it for another reason?
Whichever the case, I personally think that your FI should be the one telling your mom that only she & his dad (or just she) should come to the tasting. FI needs to take responsibility to dealing with his side of the family - I think it only breeds resentment if the FDIL tells the MOG what to do/not to do & you don't need that even before your marriage begins.
I think it's quite fair to insist that only the couple & their parents attend the tasting - especially if these are the contributors to the payment of the wedding. If FSIL is not contributing, or is too young/immature for the decisions being made at the tasting, then she should not attend. Additionally, making concessions for the palates of the couple & parents makes sense, not for the FSIL (especially since she gets to have her OWN wedding, why does she need to chime in on yours?).
Just my two bits...
I think this isn't that big of a deal. I hope she put it more as a question instead of a statement, that might bother me a little. I completely agree with @ms.puscua though, vendors allow parent to come because they are often times contributors.
I would call you vendor and if they say the really only want parens to come have FI tell his mom.
i think if i dont want her there and the invite does not include her, she should not come.... my brother isn;t coming
If this is really important to you (how long does it last? an hour?), then take a stand.
I understand why this is annoying, but I guess I feel that everytime you make a big deal out of something that is annoying but not the end of the world, you lose credibility for the time that it actually IS a big deal. Your ILs will be annoying. It is a law of nature. Do you plan on fighting them every time?
If you don't want her there, that's a different story. I would let FMIL know "you know, this is something that I was really hoping would just be us. Thanks so much for understanding!"
I think you are completely justified for the way you feel. How does your FI feel about it?
@Misshelen- I think the way you worded it sounded very good.
he doesnt even know yet... i know he will just get mad at me and be like you just don;t like my sister. It is not that... it is just I dont want anyone besides me and him and our parents and that is what the invite said. They have major boundary issues.... or maybe i have the boundary issues....who knows
I partially agree with what everyone is saying...if she is going in place of your FFIL that's one thing but to go in addition to him is unacceptable. I also think it maybe isn't the daughter's place to attend because this is a meeting with a vendor. You will undoubtedly be talking and prices and contracts, etc. In my opinion, that is none of the daighters business, especially if YOUR parents are the ones paying. If you won't be having any of these conversations you will strictly be putting food in your mouth and she's a replacement for FFIL then I'd probably let her come. If that isn't the case I would have FI talk to the in-laws and explain why this isn't appropriate. Good luck and enjoy all the yummy food!
Can you spin it in a positive way? Like say that this is a special bonding time for your and his parents. That your parents would like to get to know them more and you think its a great setting for both families to come together and colloborate on the wedding.
@blingqueen...I understand where you are coming from. Usually those people whose opinion the Bride & Groom value (typically parents) are invited along to the tasting. I wouldn't want uninvited people either. After all, they will be eating the same food at the reception so why does she need to come for the tasting?
I would just politely state that it will be you, your FI,a nd tha parents and if a parent is unable to attend, they won't get to have input into the food selections. They cannot send a "substitute" in their place. It's not so much abt the numbers as it is about wanting people who you actually WANT input from..attending.
it sounds like you want this particular moment between you your FH and each of your parents - make that clear to your FMIL or to your FH (for him to discuss with her) and make it clear that its not that you dont like her sister, its just that something you see for parents and the bride and groom. if you phrase it as more like "i want the parents there and only parents like they stipulated" and less of "geeze cant yall follow directions" it might come across better?
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My FI and I were supposed to have our food tasting this weekend. Well it got re-scheduled for another. The invite said for the bride, groom & their parents. Well the MOG is trying to invite her daughter. I feel that this is very rude and I don't know how to handle it without looking bad. i just feel that she is not included on the invite and it is only for us and our parents. HELP!