(Closed) Is the US Divorce Rate Going Up Rather Than Going Down?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

I blame the internet, it’s so much easier to cheat now.

Post # 3
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

The article doesn’t seem particularly well written. It felt like it was more saying these people think we should look at the data differently rather than saying what they found or why they think it’s better than the other findings.

Post # 4
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think it is because we are living in the modern world were everything is fast and easy. Patience nowadays is not oftenly exercised anymore. like when we are hungry we just go to fastfood or eat instant foods. also just like what yumcheese said it is easier to cheat because of the internet. I think being patient to your partner is one of the key to minimize divorce rate.

Post # 5
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Life expectency has increased massively, when marriage first became for life you only had to predict whether you’d still like them in 20 years or so maximum whereas now you have to think 40, 50, 60 years ahead, which is already more than only a couple of generations ago. Additionally women have a lot more of their own money so are no longer totally dependant on their husbands for as long as they live which means that they’re a lot less willing to put up with their husbands s**t. And it’s more acceptable to divorce and no longer means your condemned for divorcing. I’m not surprised the divorce rate is higher taking in to account all these things, and to be honest I don’t necessarily think it’s the terrible thing that we’re told it is. What is terrible is parents divorcing and not putting their own selfish and usually petty arguments to one side for the sake of their kids.

Post # 6
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Diane Kruger (an actress) has a very true quote :’ A guy friend of mine said, and it made a lot of sense, that people should get married at the end of the road, not the beginning’

 

The divorce rate is too high because people rush to get married. Women get caught up in the ‘ring’ and the ‘waiting’ that couples now are getting married after 1, 2, 3, 4 years – which isn’t long at all. People getting divorced after less than 5 years of marriage should in reality just have been ‘breaking up’. There are several Bees on this board who have been with their partners 7, 8 or even 10 years before marrying them – and I say congratulations to them because they have done it right. You should marry someone you know completely (the bad and the good) and not rush to marriage because you feel that you have to – 2 years in a relationship is not a long time by any means. 

Post # 7
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Kelly6871:  I think that’s a very good point. I also think that the media and films make dramatic relationships seem like the norm and if you’re not always either arguing or jumping each others bones then there’s no passion or you’re boring. This encourages people in poor relationships to think they’ve found the one and people in good relationships to worry that it’s boring and there must be something better. All this focus on ‘the one’ also puts a lot of pressure on relationships to be perfect and to be madly in love all the time

Post # 8
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee

I think it is going up. But there are a lot of factors.

I think some women get caught up in the idea of the ring, the big wedding and are too focused on that and not the man she is spending her future with.

Women have power. Back in the 1940s we had to deal with men cheating on us because there were few options. We had no education. That is not true anymore. If our husbands cheat we dont need to take his shit and we dump him. We have jobs. We have education. We have indepedance. This I think is one of the biggest factors.

Our society is a throw away society. If something is uncomfortable for a bit, throw it away, get a pill, make yourself better quickly.  We don’t try to work things out like back in the old days.

Divorce is easy and there is no stigma. Married for 24 hours? make a mistake? That’s okay get a divorce.

People love the idea of marriage, but they aren’t ready for the rocky road that comes with two people bringing two sets of baggage to the table. They aren’t ready for family dramas, finacial issues, and many people cannot cope with those issues.

The grass is greener.  Some believe that there is someone BETTER out there.

Post # 9
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Kelly6871:  I think that’s a little judgemental – you don’t have to be with someone 10 years before getting married for it to be a success!

I think the major issue as PP said is that we live in a throwaway and ‘now’ society, where it’s easy to get what we want without having to work so hard at it. It seems its anything for an easy life. 

Marriage is about partnership – it’s about taking the good with the bad, and helping each other through some seriously tough times. Of course, you don’t have to be married to do this, and I’m sure many people who are lifetime partners but never married are absolutely right in their relationship.

It’s what works for you – you can be together 1 year, get married and have a wonderful relationship. Or you can be together 15 years then get married, and divorce 2 years later! I don’t believe length of time really applies, as it’s so individual, and what you go through together in a space of time can vary so hugely. I’ve helped my FI recover from 3 surgeries, gone through 2 family members with cancer, sorted family feuds (as much as they can be sorted!), family bereavements, job shifts, house moves, him going back to university, and both of us taking turns to support the other financially. I know many of my friends who have been with partners for 10 years and never had any of those challenges.

Post # 10
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think divorce is so commonplace that people don’t think twice about it. As PPs have mentioned, many young women get so caught up in the idea of the ring, the dress, the wedding, that they ignore the problems in their relationships. Why? Because they can always get a divorce after the honeymoon is over. 1, 2, 3, it’s that easy and you won’t get judged because everyone else does it. I’m not saying that divorce is wrong. If your partner is guilty of abuse (physical or otherwise), betrayal, neglect, then certainly you shouldn’t be forced stay married. However if it’s a matter of not wanting to compromise that’s a lazy way out. 

Post # 11
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

I find all the excuses of young women getting caught up in the wedding odd… what are all the men marrying them doing?

Post # 12
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

 

I think it has more to do with the fact that divorce is so easy and does not have the same stigma attached to it that it used to. 

 

Kelly6871:  I don’t think that length of time together has anything to do with it really…I know more than one couple that was together for 8+ years before marriage and have ended up divorced. I don’t think it is fair to say that is the “right way.” maybe for 20 year old couples, but should I wait until I am 40 to get married because I met my SO when I was 30? no, that doesn’t make any sense at all.

Post # 13
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

cpick:  Focusing on the marriage instead of the wedding hopefully. They are 2 completely different things. Anyone can wear a pretty dress and host a great party. Marriage is what takes a lot of work. Also I’ve seen my fair share of men who were pressured into proposing, either by their family or their SO, and the marriage didn’t last for long. 

Post # 14
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Aquaria:  It just seems a cop out to blame only the women. If there’s lots of women marrying these men just because they want a pretty dress and a party there’s at least that many men marrying these women so it can’t just be daft women wanting a PPD. Men marrying women who just want a party because they’re pressured in to it have no less of an excuse and should be blamed as much as the women being bashed for it.

Post # 15
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think that people nowadays don’t now how to commit. The line is “For better or worse” not “for better or I’ll divorce you.”

I know growing up what I was taught about marriage was just the half about finding the right person. I wasn’t taught anything specifically about picking someone and sticking by them no matter what. I figured that lesson out on my own when I fell in love with my fiance, and we talk all the time about how there are so many couples in the world with such little or unbalancerd loyalty to each other.

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