Post # 1
I read in an article ” The wedding is not about you”…and nearly gasped. WTHever
Nobody told me “it wasn’t about me” while me and FI have been cutting checks for vendors, plowing through our wedding fund to acommodate people. Everything I’ve read says that we have to do-this or do-that for our guest. People really get pissed over (+1 )rules, kids at wedding, registries and wedding etiquette.
In exchange for only their presence guest get a free meal, cake, entertainment, dancing, and take away favors AND they get to bring a friend (+1). There is NO place I can do this, not at restaurants, clubs bars etc….however wedding guests have all theseluxuries, yet have requests and opinons when it comes to attending a wedding.
So I can’t help but think, if we didn’t do all this would people still celebrate our day, and if they would then why do we do all of this?
It grind my gears when people say it’s not your day. I agree it’s not just my day, but its our ( me & FI) day, and I shouldn’t have to “buy” company to share it with us. The fact that we are doing this is a courtesy, and when people get on their etiquette soap boxes about what I OWE the guest I get irritated.
My rule “If you don’t pay, you don’t get a say”.
Post # 3
I voted that is a shared day. I think if you elope and/or have something very small then it is just YOUR (and FI) day. I agree with your rule but I see a lot of other brides dont.
Post # 4
@BrideofGroomzilla: I think its OUR day. So I chose the second option.
If I could get away with it I would just go away with my FI and get married. Having guests at our wedding is really at the bottom of my list. But all of the people that wanted to be guests got offended at that idea. As such, I’m going to try to make it convienant as I can for my guests but at the end of the day if I am happy and my FI is happy that is all I care about.
Post # 5
I voted for a shared day, but I wouldn’t *heavily* consider my guest’s opinions. I would put them into consideration, yes, but ultimately (IMO) the day is about celebrating a marriage, and I don’t think that what drink/food is served, what music is played, what order people are seated in etc should change the fact that people should be happy to be there to celebrate the coming together of two families. So I’m halfway between options 2 and 3 really lol
Post # 6
@BrideofGroomzilla: I voted its our day in that our guests opnions don’t matter BUT their comfort does. If hosting an event you have to take into account feeding them, providing drink and entertainment and if in a serious relationship letting them bring their partner but no it doesn’t matter if they like the flowers or colors or anything like that and no certainly no one needs a random plus one unless they are going to know no one else there.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I just wanted everyone to have a good time…family and friends are important to us. Plus, they will think of us (as well as the other guests) at their weddings too.
Post # 8
@BrideofGroomzilla: I had the same rule. We paid for it, so we made the calls. Other folks were perfectly welcome to offer to help out or make suggestions provided they didn’t expect we’d actually follow them just because they suggested it, or owe them an explanation why we didn’t.
It was DH’s and my day together (I picked the second choice) and we invited people to share that with us, but all final decision making power was squarely and solely in our hands, and we were ok with making choices that not everyone might agree with, because they were moth authentic to us. (And everything went over great, so it’s not like this strategy always results in miserable guests or anything.)
Post # 9
@excitedtobeMRSF: +1 to everything she said.
It’s our day, but it’s also a day for family. We will do what we can to accomodated their comfort (eg. make sure the people with food allergies can eat) but we’re not going to accomodate their decorating tastes.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
@BrideofGroomzilla: We don’t consider our guests OPINIONS, but we certainly consider their COMFORT. To ignore the comfort of our guests would be intensely rude and would make us terrible hosts.
Post # 11
I have mixed feelings about this. If you want it to be your day and only your day ever elope. Don’t have a wedding. Elope. This way it is only about you.
Weddings are partially about you, partially about everyone else. That’s just the way it is. Just like a christmas party isn’t all about the hosts.
Post # 12
I didn’t vote, because, although I believe it is your and your fiance’s day, I cannot say that no one else matters.
I don’t think you need to allow family and friends to have a say in the type of ceremony and reception that you have or what types of food and beverages you serve or the type of favors you choose. However, I do think you need to keep in mind the bounds of common courtesy and the comfort and convenience of your guests when making your choices.
Post # 13
i wish it was just our day. and before we got married i actually thought it was. but since that day has come and gone , it was all about family family family. if grandma wasnt happy my sister wasnt happy. and then my sil wasnt happy and now my BM is crying. but thats also why you hear people say elope elope elope. thats they only way it will truly be your day unless your family and his, and your guests and friends are … well robots. lol just joking but i wish i hadnt cared so much about other people and what everyone wanted. just do what you guys both want. but from experiance its all about two families becoming one. not only two people.
Post # 14
@BrideofGroomzilla: Agreed! For me, it’s mine and my FI’s day – what we want goes. We are lucky enough to have wonderful friends and family who expect nothing but that which will make us happy but it totally irks me when I see people saying on the bee that ‘you owe it to your guests to do this or that’ or ‘you should be greatful they are attending’… well i’m sorry but my feeling any time I have attended a wedding is that I, the guest, am the lucky one and that it is an honour to be chosen to share in the couples most special of days.
Of course I want my friends and family to have a wonderful time and there would certainly be no judgement from any of them over any decisions we make, but anytime I see bee’s fretting over ‘MIL wants this’ and ‘my sister demands that she get this on the day’ I think it’s just crazy. It’s YOUR DAY.
Post # 15
I voted for “our” day, but anyone who helps pay gets an opinion.
Post # 16
@BrideofGroomzilla: Those that mattered to me got their opinions considered. Those that didn’t, and I couldn’t care less as a guest didn’t get invited or noly got a courtesy invite because MIL wanted them. So I am somewhere inbetween our day and shared. I think taking your guests into consideration, especially those you value that show up, is important.