Post # 1
I don’t know if this ought to be in the etiquette board, but I couldn’t think of a better place to put it (since the venue board is not very active).
My parents have said more than once that they always thought a wedding should take place near where the bride grew up. I didn’t know one way or the other, but now that they have said that to me, I’ve begun seeing this as a trend, in the wedding magazines and such.
I should note that my FI and I live 1.5 hours’ drive from where I grew up, so the distance is pretty short. The thing is, venues near my childhood home are a lot more expensive than what we could do if we had the wedding near our house, or in our area now, since the area where I grew up is now quite populated and much more well-off that where I live.
Anyway, is having the wedding near the bride’s childhood home typical? Is it traditional? Is it something one “should” do?
My FI and I are hoping to have our wedding near our home together, which happens to be in the town where he grew up and where his parents still live. We think it’s appropriate to have our wedding near our home together, but my parents are making me doubt the appropriateness of this.
Ugh. My parents say that everything is my FI’s and my choice and they won’t interfere, but I do find that they have a lot of opinions/beliefs/expectations, many of which we are probably going to need to disregard. They are not going to be paying for much of the wedding (my dress and the flowers, so far), so “who pays. . .” should not be a huge influence here.
Post # 3
@Creiddylad: How far away did you grow up?
With my first wedding, my ex and I lived in San diego, I grew up in Tampa, he grew up in Connecticut. We got married in Tampa, but it was also a shorter flight for his family. We were originally looking at Vegas or San Diego.
With my second wedding, we still live in the same county that we both grew up in. The church/hall is in his home town, but that’s only 10 minutes from where I grew up.
Post # 4
I think it’s traditional, but nowadays, I think couples are a lot more flexible. FI and I are getting married near HIS home, not mine, because I grew up in boring-ville, USA and his family has a house on the beach. I say do whatever you like!
Post # 5
I have never heard of a rule for this, but the “trend” may be explained by who is paying for the wedding. If the parents are footing the bill for the venue, they gain a voice and leverage in the decision. Naturally, most parents will opt for something closer to them or their side of the family given the choice. But, outside of parents paying for the venue, I have never seen a rule or tradition that the bride must marry in her hometown.
Post # 6
@Daenaria727: Thanks! Oops, I meant to mention the distance thing. I’ll edit my post to include it– I now live 1 1/2 hours from where I grew up. However, places near where I grew up tend to be more expensive than venues near where I am now, because it’s a much more populated and wealthy area. We are unfortunately on a major budget, and having the wedding on our land or somewhere nearby would cut down on costs a good deal because we can get the tent and other such things inexpensively near here.
Post # 7
That probably used to be the case. But these days people have friends from all over and the couple themselves might eve somewhere completely different. So it’s a silly “rule”. Have it where it’s most convenient for you!
Post # 8
@Creiddylad: I’ve never heard of that. Had we done it that way, we would have had two choices for venues and one for church, lol. We got married closer to where he grew up, although that wasn’t the reason. It was just a more centralized location for our guests and had more options (both for us in planning and our guests as far as lodging).
Post # 9
Um.. I grew up in a town of like 200 people. There is NO reception venue at all.. no community building, no american legion… there is a firehouse but they don’t rent it out.
So that would be impossible for me.
Post # 10
@Creiddylad: I think that it is traditional to have it near the bride’s hometown, but I imagine that’s mostly because its traditional for the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding. It makes sense it should be most convenient for whomever is shelling out the dough.
Fi and I are looking at San Diego, which is his hometown and about two hours from my hometown and maybe 2.5 from our current home. We are paying for the wedding entirely. We chose San Diego because a lot of our special dates (and our engagement!) occurred there.
Post # 11
Wedding location is supposed to be wherever the heck you want it to be and can afford.
Post # 12
This hails back to the day when bride’s moved out of their parents home when they married and became SAHM’s. Since the bride’s parents always hosted, the wedding was in her hometown/church.
It is perfectly understandable that you would want to marry where you currently live.
Post # 13
I would bet this has something to do with whether the bride’s parents pay for the wedding. Their money, their choice.
We are paying for our wedding ourselves, and the venue we chose isn’t really close to where either of us grew up (though oddly it’s close to where I work – didn’t realize that until after haha)
Post # 14
I’ve never heard of this rule before! It really wouldn’t work for my family anyway though, because we’re all spread out all over the world and most of us aren’t living in the country we grew up in. 😛 I think it’s much more common to hold weddings where the bride and groom currently live/want to settle down!
Post # 15
@Creiddylad: I think traditionally it’s near the bride’s hometown, but I agree with PPs that it has to do with the bride’s parents hosting. My parents took it so seriously that they got married on the farm where my mom grew up! (lol I don’t think they really took it that seriously, it was just a beautiful, cost-effective location to have their wedding)
Nowadays the wedding is wherever the couple wants it to be. I’ve been to weddings near the groom’s hometown, near where the couple currently lives, and where the B&G went to school/met. Our wedding will be near my hometown, but FI and I are from the same hometown. We could just as easily have it near where we live now (although it would be more expensive!) and no one would bat an eye.
Post # 16
Like others have said, I’ll bet that the fact that it was expected that a bride’s mother would host the wedding probably had a lot to do with the expectation that it would be located near the bride’s hometown (this makes the assumption that the parents still lived where the bride grew up): to my mind it would make sense that the bride’s mother would use her preferred vendors, who would presumably be local, as she planned the event.
Now that many couples assume the planning and hosting, if not financing, of their own weddings, it would make sense in many cases for those couples to work with their preferred vendors who would probably be local to them. Certainly there are cases where a bride or groom has maintained ties with his or her hometown that allow him or her to plan from afar, but that’s not going to be the situation for everyone.