Post # 1
Let me start off by saying that I am not a child person. I don’t find them particularly cute or endearing – if they talk to me I usually just try and find a way to redirect them to their parents because I’m just not a lover of kids.
But herein lies the problem – we have to have kids at our wedding. I don’t have a say in this. My Mother has already told me that if I don’t invite the only child in my family – who is three – then that entire side of my family will boycott my wedding. I don’t want to start that drama, so I suppose she’s invited.
But on FI’s family are more kids… I’m not sure on the exact number. Now it’s not that I’m against inviting any kids – I’m not – but I’m just worried everything will be chaos.
I’ve been to two weddings recently. The first one, a toddler was running up and down the aisle all through the ceremony and tugging at the bride’s dress (her family). In the second one, the entire dancefloor was kid territory. They were sticking their hands into the wedding cake before it was even brought out for cutting – and perhaps worst of all, during the first dance they decided to crowd tightly around the bride and groom, throwing plastic petals on them and hitting them quite a lot in the process. Their first dance was basically spent just holding each other and being smothered by toddlers. They were also rushing over to the food table and messed it up so badly that nobody else could eat.
I can deal with kids being at my wedding – I can be happy, and even get somewhat involved with them. I’m not keen on them but I can be happy to deal with it for a day. But I’m honestly scared that if kids start doing that, and nobody tries to stop them, that I’m either going to get more and more frustrated and stop enjoying my wedding, or I’m going to snap and scold someone’s kid – which I would never want to do.
Is there ANYTHING I can do here? If they’re quiet during the ceremony and don’t get too out of control later on then I’m happy to have them… but I’m so scared that they’ll get a bit too rowdy and I won’t be able to handle it!
Post # 3
@ZebraPrintMe: Can yoou ask someone you are close to, to run interference for you with the parents if the children are misbehaving?
” Johnny is having trouble sitting still and keeping quiet. Would you like to take him outside to run around for a bit and burn off some energy? Or, would you like me to take him?”
Post # 4
does your mother know for a fact that your entire family will boycott your wedding or is she saying that to blackmail you?
Post # 5
@ajillity81: She wasn’t threatening or anything, she was just saying that since my aunt, uncle and all my cousins are so attached to this girl that they probably would all refuse to come out of principle. Mum would still come, of course, she was just saying others might not.
Post # 6
I’m setting up an area with 2-3 babysitters and a bunch of activities (games, coloring books, dolls, etc) that is separate from where the reception will be. That way the parents can drop their kids off there and they’re out of the way, but their kids are still close by if anything happens. For during the ceremony, maybe just do a word-of-mouth thing that you’re sort of worried about the kids going into the aisle so parents know to keep them in control. I’ve never seen an issue with kids running around during a ceremony, but I guess my family is a bit more strict when it comes to behaving in public.
Post # 7
@TGold: We won’t be able to have a little bit off the side with babysitters – first out budget doesn’t allow for that, second it’s a very small wedding (40 in the day, 60 in the evening) so it would be hard to tuck them away. I don’t even think my family would accept there being a kid’s table – they’d want to have everyone together all day.
Post # 8
Pre-planning a kids’ activity area and hiring someone to be in charge of the kids will take care of most of the kids-acting-like-idiots situation. Don’t rely on any guest to look after the kids because guests will get distracted. Pay a couple of babysitters, get some games and activities, and keep the kids entertained. Accept the fact that kids love dancing and the dance floor *will* become kid-world; there’s no way around that. But you can ask the DJ to play some kid-friendly songs early on— Electric Slide and stuff like that— they will get tired of dancing soon enough and go back to their games and such. And have a good look at your surroundings. Put the cake and card box and other focal pieces on tall tables rather than at kid-eye-height, make sure there is some kind of distraction if you’re worried about them getting into the buffet, and maybe skip the table gems or flower petals on your centerpeices.
Post # 9
I dont relate well to blackmail. If the parents decide to/have to stay home, that is their decision. If the entire family makes this threat, I would say, fine, good to know how important (or not) my wedding is.
Post # 10
I sooooo agree. Like one three year old is more important than the bride?
I don’t think I’d want those people there, if that was their way of thinking.
Post # 11
@ZebraPrintMe: have you considered hiring a ‘baby wrangler’ aka a babysitter or child entertainment. You could have someone to entertain them for the ceremony, provide them with colouring books as favours to keep them occupied.
Ultimately, it comes down to the parents. If the parents don’t care, there’s not much you can do!
Post # 12
It’s all about your guests with kids and how they parent. I have been to plenty of weddings with children and none of them have behaved that way. I would never expect that given our friends and family. This is probably one of those things you’re worrying too much about and the likelihood of them being crazy is slim unless you know they often misbehave as parents allow that.
Post # 13
Some little activities (coloring book, puzzle, toy, etc) may help!
If it makes you feel any better, we had about 15 kids at our wedding and they were all quiet during the ceremony, behaved during dinner, quiet during speeches/first dance and had a ton of fun dancing with all the adults on the dancefloor. Seriously. Not a single issue. Kids doesn’t have to mean disaster. unfortunately, most of that control lies with the parents.
Post # 14
I had tons of kids at my wedding. They all sat quietly through the ceremony. My bridesmaid/sister-in-laws newborn made one small peep and her boyfriend hightailed it out if the church with baby.
at the reception I had coloring activity gifts wrapped and placed at each child’s seat (we had a specific seating chart) and kids meals. Then when the dancing started I didn’t care what anyone did. Half the kids were sent to bed in their hotel rooms and the others were just dancing with everyone else.
I know some people have issues with children, however I had far more issues with my adult guests than with the children.
I know you’re worried and I was too, but you’d be amazed the day after by how little attention you paid to specific details you thought you’d focus on.
Post # 15
We almost bought a bunch of disposable cameras and made a list of things for the kids to take pictures of (to keep them busy and so we could have a laugh later of their interpretations of things) but I totally forgot. Turns out it worked out fine. My nieces/nephews and friends kids were really well behaved. I wasn’t too suprised since they aren’t monsters normally. They were so excited to dance and be dressed up.
The only uncontrolled moment, and I’ve written about that here before, was when I walked up the asile with my Dad. My youngest niece, at the time, was almost 3 said VERY LOUDLY during a quiet part in the music, oh Aunt____ you are a Princess!!! and she jumped up and down in her seat. I would have been annoyed if I spent money on things the kids didn’t use, and our budget was super tight.
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Double post. Good ol phone.