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We're doing table seating... I didn't feel the need to put ppl in specific seats BUT since it's such a blending of family and friends I did want to do table seating...
So we'll have our tables numbered and escort cards.
I thought... this way we can be sure to put people together that we thought would benefit from spending that time together.. even if they didn't know each other before the wedding.
I thought that if we just did wherever seating that certain famiy members and friends would merely sit with whomever they were comfortable/knew well.
We too are have a buffet set up but will still have a entree choice on the RSVP so that we know how many of each we need without making too many/not enough of one or the other.
I had assigned seating (by table, not each individual seat) and I did so for the comfort of my guests. For me it's very stressful to not be assigned a seat at an event like a wedding. I feel like I have to rush to find a good seat for me and for my husband and then lay something down to "claim it" and then round up my friends and family to make sure we can all sit together. It's just much easier to have a seat or table assigned to you so you don't have to think about it for yourself.
I am with you on everything else, but I think it's important to have assigned tables (assigned seats are not necessary, IMO) because it makes your guests have SO much more fun. I know that the wedding is really important for the couple, but the reception is really about the guests... we are all throwing huge parties, after all. Your crazy uncle will be much happier if he is sitting with family that already knows he's crazy, and your friends will have so much more fun if they are sitting with friends they haven't seen in a while. Neither will be happy if the friends were busy chatting/in the bathroom/at the bar when everyone sat down and got stuck across the room from everyone they know... sitting at the table with your crazy uncle.
Assigning tables is really not that hard, and it will save your guests a lot of potential discomfort/embarassment/not-having-fun/awkward conversations. Plus, if anyone hates who they are sitting with, or wants to talk to someone at a different table, they can just do that after dinner.
Please do assigned tables! I just went to a wedding without assigned tables, and we walked in and everyone had already claimed their table. We had to go in search of seats that were free... it was very uncomfortable and quite annoying.
If there are any guests that don't know anyone, then they will feel very ackward without having an assigned table. Having to go up to random tables and ask if the seats were free is very uncomfortable. Even if people know one or two other couples and they all want to sit together, and they are the last to arrive, they may be forced to split up. This isn't desirable either.
If you are set against assigned tables, consider having alternative seating options such as tall cocktail tables and lounge couches dispersed, so it gives the impression that you should move around and mingle. If it is only tables, then provide more than enough seating for your guests so that groups of 6 and groups of 4 will always find seating together.
I would only do non-assigned tables if it is a cocktail party and not a dinner (buffet or sit-down). Any event that requires you to sit down and eat should have assigned tables, IMO.
The weddings I've been to without assigned tables have been awkward. People running around trying to grab a table with their buddies, random people left alone and really weird groups of people. One wedding was a buffet so I got up to get a knife since I missed them the first time up, when I went back to my table, someone was in my seat! They just pushed my plate aside. I'm all for a casual, laid back feel but I think your guests will appreciate having one seat they can go back to all night.
My hub and I are pretty free spirited too but we did not only assigned tables but also seats. So here's why we did it, we had a cocktail hour first where some people might mingle but in general they're going to stick to people they know. There were only so many chairs that could fit at a table and so groups of people who know each other are going to get divided in different ways and groups of diff friends will have to sit together. Since that's a given and they're not going to have that much time to meet other people beforehand we thought we were good judges of who could get along and be social and pair up groups that had similar things going and stuff to talk about instead of a random thing of finding seats where it might be like pulling teeth to find any similarities.
For me I always get stressed at weddings if there's no table because sometimes it's good to meet new people but I've also ended up in situations were everyone knew each other except for me and so I just sat their awk, trying to contribute something but really just being the odd man out. If there was anyone who didn't know anyone else at the wedding I had people at the table (bridemaids or groomsmen mostly) who knew that and knew conversation starters with them.
As I'm typing this it sounds crazy, but it worked out really, really well. I heard so much positive feedback about who people met and talked with during dinner.
There are too many "I won't sit with them or them or them" people in our families we felt it was best to let them sit where they want.
I had the same experience as @Steak and it really ruined the wedding for me. We were at a friend's wedding and I knew some of her close friends from past parties/events that the bride had hosted or that had been hosted in her honor, but didn't know anyone well. When we walked into the reception, her friends had already pushed two tables together and squeezed around them. I would've asked if we could join (since they were the only people our age), but there was absolutely no room. The only free seats were at the table next to them, where no one was sitting. We grabbed those seats and then NO ONE sat with us! We felt SO stupid and awkward at our own table. Then, the photographer put all her equipment down on top of our table while we were eating, as if we weren't even there. It was so very uncomfortable.
After that experience, I will definitely be assigning tables, though not exact seats at the table.
We were going to do free seating but now I'm considering just doing table numbers (after reading everyone else's posts). I've been to several weddings with open seating but I do agree it's a little bit awkward (I always keep wondering if I've missed the numbers somehow and I'm sitting in someone's spot).
I never thought about being the last ones there (plus my family would probably end up with no seats together). Plus I kind of think it would be fun to make cute table numbers! Like I need another DIY.
Sorry no help hear but I think I'm a convert!
I really dislike going to weddings where i have to seat at a certain table. If i sit in the back I cant see whats going on (if they have the ceremony same place) We are just letting people sit where they want however for my parents and his dad and siblings we will have two special tables reserved.
Assigned tables, maybe assigned seats.......just depends if I feel like DIY-ing cute place cards!
But, for us, assigned tables are a must even though we want to have a fun, people moving around, action stations + band + excitement kind of atmosphere. We have been to several weddings where we did not have seats! There were supposedly enough seats for everyone, but we couldn't find any spaces open because people put drinks at the spot or jackets on the chair and then roamed around the room, etc. We didn't even eat because we had no where to put our food :(
I agree with most of the previous posters--assigned tables make it easier for your guests. You don't end up with one empty chair at each table and couples needing to split up to eat.
As a guest, I love to be assigned a seat. It's easy, and I feel like that's my "spot" and I can put down my clutch, and my cell or whatever.... I HATE having to decide where to sit, I always feel like I'm in someone else's way or that I am sitting in a spot thats too "important" for little ol me.
We're assigning table numbers but beyond that, anyone can sit where they want at their table.
My wedding was a bit more on the casual side (we were going more for a mingling/party idea than a traditional wedding) and most of our 80 guests already knew each other and wanted to catch up. We did not have assigned seats and I think it encouraged people to move around more....we also had a huge deck overlooking the ocean, so people were happy to get up and check out the scenery. In all fairness, however, we told many guests in advance of our lack of seating assignments just to give them a heads up....it worked out fine.
we are doing assigned tables, but not seats. i think it just feels better to group ppl together that know each other and takes out the confusion for guests.
We did assigned tables, but not assigned seeting. We definitely grouped people according to how they would have wanted to sit. We did this for a couple of reasons... it was easier for the wait staff to know where to bring what meals to and also because we only had a certain number of seats... we were worried that too many people would want to sit at one table, then one couple would get sit sitting with people they didn't even know or whatever. It worked out perfectly for us but a lot of that I think is based on the style of reception we had!
We are doing assigned tables but not seats. But, apparently the etiquette is to sit man woman not next to your spouse/partner so that you end up talking to different people. FI and I went to a wedding in March where this was the case and had a lot of fun at our table!
We did assigned tables and used escort cards. It was just easier to organize groups of friends and family by tables.
We are doing escort cards and place cards. Originally I wanted to do escort cards only, but FI wants to do the place cards as well. He doesn't give much opinion on details like that, so I figure I have to say yes! Anyway, as a guest, I like when I arrive at a wedding and don't have to think about where I am sitting. The last two I went to had place cards.
Since I don't want a fist fight at my wedding and don't want to deal with wondering if I sat this person too close to another person for said fist fight. I just loving having a mom who acts like a fool when anything good happens to me.
I agree with most of the ladies here. I would advise against having a "sit-where-you-please" type of reception. The last wedding I went to, my sisters and I had to search for at least 20 mins looking for a table with 4 seats available so we could sit together. We ended up sitting with people we didn't know, when we would've rather sit with relatives we don't see much so we could catch up. It also reminds me a little of lunch-time in junior high where the bell rings and kids run to their tables to claim seats! haha :)
Assigned Tables... but not seats for us.
Keep in mind that you may get odd #s of people at tables if you do not do assinged tables and you may have to add a few extra tables (that becomes more costly bc you will need more linins, chair covers, center pieces) to help seat the people that dont fit at the tables you already have. When i helped my SIL with seating it was easy to notice the 1 or 2 seats here or there add up to an extra table or two.
I recommend at least assigning tables, though I have a different reason than what I've seen. If you have anyone coming from out of town or anyone who doesn't really know many other people at the wedding, it will really benefit them to be assigned to sit with some other friendly people because then they won't feel so alone. A few years ago, I flew to Michigan for the wedding of an old internet friend. We hadn't ever met in person before the wedding! I knew absolutely no one at the wedding other than the bride and my date. We were the people coming furthest, too, and everyone else knew someone. However, we were assigned to sit with his former sister-in-law and her husband and the bride's brother's best friend and his date. We ended up getting to know those people and chatting all night! We stayed late and had a great time.
On the other hand, last summer, I went to the wedding of my very oldest friend. My family had moved across the country when I was 11, so the distance had made my friend and I drift apart, but she still couldn't have her wedding without me. I knew the bride's immediate family really well, and I knew my parents, and I had gone to elementary school with one of the bridesmaids (but never really got along with her and hadn't spoken with her in over fifteen years). We were told to sit wherever, and it ended up just being me, my mom, and my dad together, alone at a table. The bride and her immediate family all came to chat, of course, but they were quite busy. We felt quite isolated and ended up leaving fairly early.
Basically, by assigning seats, you can force people to mingle. People will speak with their old friends later on when the dancing begins; during dinner, those who don't know the rest of the guests so well will thank you for giving them the opportunity to introduce themselves to and to get to know your other guests.
I'm going to go against the grain... Don't do table assignments! My experience has been the opposite of most people on this thread in that receptions that had assigned seating were actually *more* akward than those without. Not to mention, this saves you lots of stress before the wedding.
We did not do assigned seeting at our wedding but made sure to have some small and large (4 and 8 person) tables available as well as enough seating for an extra table to account for tables having one empty seat. Give you guests credit that they can figure out something as simple as where to sit. :-)
I always prefer assigned tables and I thought it was a lot of fun setting up who would be sitting with whom. I'm sure everyone had a better time sitting with people they enjoyed rather than searching for a random seat. I know this is going to sound extreme, but I think sometimes I'd rather not go to a wedding where I only know a few people without assigned tables than go. I've been to some awkward weddings and events when people had to "find" a place to sit.
I'm going with the no seating chart crowd. First, out of the several weddings I've been to in this country...there hasn't been one table/seating chart so I don't even know if it's done here.
Second, my friends/family would ignore it. Since dinner is a buffet, I guarentee you that when someone gets up to go get more food their chair will no longer be available since my family likes changing seats. Been there done it. LOL
Third, every single person will know at least half of the entire wedding part (only 40 people) if not the entire crowd.
Mind, if I was having a 50+ person wedding I'd do assigned tables for the convience of the guests because then you're getting strangers to other people in there and other elements.
I've been to one wedding where there was no assigned seating and like others, it was stressful trying to find seats and we ended up at a table of half my friends and half were older family friends of the bride...Just annoying and awkward bc we would've much preferred to sit at a table with all our friends but couldn't get one all together...
I vote for definetly having assigned tables but the place cards are not necessary :)
You ladies are wonderful! Thank you so much for your insight. I had fiance read this and you changed his mind and mine, too. We're going with escort cards but not specific seats. It'll add more work for us but if our guests have a better time it's well worth it. Now, picking what kind of escort cards...decisions, decisions!
I would never dream of assigning seats to guests. I would hate going to a wedding that did so. No offense to those that do it. I think its where Im from and what Im use to. I have never ever been to a wedding where they told me where to sit and I've never felt uncomfortable choosing a seat and I've been to a lot of weddings. Its just not the norm around here as far as I know. At the weddings I go to, you just sit in that seat for dinner only and then everyone is everywhere having a good time. I just don't think I would like them.
We are having assigned tables, but not actual seats. We just want to make sure that the people we want closest to us will be ie:parents, grandparetns, etc. And I don't really want it to be a mad dash to the tables, i'm hoping that by having assigned tables it will be less confusing, and there will only be 8 people at a table and not people cramming 10 chairs into one table.
I agree with at least table numbers (for round) seats for long rectangles. The weddings I've been to without have been stressful for me as a guest, only because I am such an introvert, I didn't know where to sit.
I agree that assigned tables are best. We don't have the space to have any empty seats, so if we did free seating then the people who came in last would likely be faced with the awkward situation where there weren't two seats open together. I've only ever had bad experiences with open seating. Most of the problems that people have mentioned with assigned tables (being stuck in the back, sitting with people you don't know) are only more likely to happen with open seating, but are all problems that can be minimized with assigned tables.
It's just not traditional in our area to have assigned seating. I've never been to a wedding in my area that had it and my mom feels like people would be bumfuzzled by it! lol.. go figure.
I guess it goes by the norms of your area and how you feel about it yourself.
We had two receptions (one right after the ceremony in MA, one back home in DC). At both, we had open seating. The one in MA was very small--only a dozen people--so we all just sat around one big table. At the one in DC, most of the guests already knew each other, and there were no parties larger than 2, so I figured they could find their own seats.
Assigned seating can be helpful for large families, so they don't end up having to split up among tables. Or if you are trying to avoid your FI's drunken frat brother sitting next to your Puritanical Aunt Mildred. However, we just didn't feel the need for them.
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Hello fellow bees. FI and I are pretty free-spirited, and haven't quite found a need for table numbers or name cards for the reception. Can't people just sit wherever they want? If you're having assigned seating, can you explain why? If it helps, we're not having ushers for the ceremony, either. Just a person passing out programs and saying, "sit wherever you please!" :)
P.S. Our dinner is a buffet, and the location is an old train station downtown.