Is this a bad idea?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do?
    Put the picture up : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Put pictures of them with their current SO's : (7 votes)
    37 %
    Other suggest below : (11 votes)
    58 %
  • Post # 2
    7025 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ask them. I don’t think their wedding photo should go up unless both are ok with it.

    Seeing it’s 30 years, there’s a fair chance they’ll say both yes though. My parents have been divorced over 20 years, and recently have been a lot less hostile to the idea of being around each other.

    Post # 3
    2876 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    I wouldn’t put any pictures up. I have never really liked this idea anyway.

    It’s your wedding day so I just don’t really see the point and even more so if it could cause some to be upset/annoyed. I’d ditch this idea if I were you!!

    Post # 5
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Zenostar:  I know a lot of people put up other family photos of weddings, but I think it only makes sense when they stayed married- like grandparents who have been married for 50 years. Maybe I am superstitious but I wouldn’t want to put photos of marriages that didnt work on display. I would maybe put my grandparents photos up bc they were married 52 years before my grandmother died, but I would out my parents photo from their wedding- they have 5 divorces between them! 

    Post # 4
    1256 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Agree with PP in that I would ask and confirm with both that it’s okay. If they disagree you could have photos of them with their current partners if you want them included. 

    Post # 8
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Zenostar:  That is a much better idea! I was going to suggest possibly having photos with them and their partners but that would still be very werid. I LOVE the idea of them together with your mother in her wedding day.

    Post # 9
    1806 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

    Zenostar:  Why do you need to put up a picture of your grandparents’ wedding photo? It would hardly be a romantic symbol. Just put up your parents’ wedding photo and that’s it. 

    Post # 10
    3646 posts
    Sugar bee

    We put up photos of only the mothers and grandmothers of the bride and groom, in their wedding gowns, at my daughter’s shower. They were on the fireplace mantle, in the room and seemed to be a big hit.

    I’m not a fan of photos at weddings. One more thing you have to lug there and could get broken. At one wedding I signed the guest book, on a table with grandparent photos and realized that they had all passed, as I stood there. As a friend, I had never met/seen any of them before.

    Post # 11
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Zenostar:  It would be extremely inappropriate to display the wedding photo of divorced adults.  It would be horribly awkward for them and downright insulting to their current partners.

    Ude photos oh them with their current partners.

    Post # 12
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m divorced with grown up children. The divorce was fairly amicable and took place donkey’s years ago when our children were very young. So there’s no lingering emotional baggage now.

    However, it would have been very awkward for both me, my ex-husband and almost certainly my now DH and my ex-husband’s long term partner if my son had chosen to put our wedding pictures on display at HIS wedding. We all get along very well indeed but it would have struck an odd and inappropriate note.

    I’d honestly rethink any idea of displaying any picture of your grandmother with her former husband especially as the marriage was short and unhappy!

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  .
    Post # 13
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Like pp have said I would ask them to make sure they’re ok with it. However, I don’t see why it would be a problem. It’s been 30 years and surely their new partners know they were married previously. Like you said it was their relationship that produced one of your parents which ultimately lead to you. My parents are divorced and my grandparents are divorced (some have remarried, some haven’t) and if I wanted to display their wedding photos and explained why, they would not hesitate to let me do so and their significant others would understand.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Quicksand.
    Post # 14
    2455 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Zenostar:  Do not put photos up of their wedding from a marriage that didn’t work out. My grandmother keeps my mom’s wedding photo up at her house (mom is divorced) and it makes her really uncomfortable. Especially since my Dad is remarried!

    I’m a little superstitious too and I wouldn’t want any photos of “failed marriages” on display at my wedding…

    Post # 15
    876 posts
    Busy bee

    I can see a couple of reasons why displaying your divorced grandparents wedding pic is a really bad idea but the main one is that presumably, some of your guests aren’t going to know that your grandparents are divorced. There is far too great a risk of awkward and embarrassing remarks. What if your grandfather is chatting with his wife and a guest walks up to them and says *You must be Zeno’s grandfather. I recognize you from your wedding photo in the display. I just saw your wife over at the bar. She’s as lovely now as she was on your wedding day. How long have you two been married?*

    That would be so uncomfortable for everyone. I would be mortified if an exchange like that took place. It would be especially hurtful to your grandparents SOs. I can tell you that spending hours at an event where people constantly mistook another woman for my husband’s wife would be a really unpleasant experience.

    What about using individual photos or non-wedding photos and labeling them? Zeno’s grandmother, Zeno’s grandfather, Mr. Zeno’s grandmother, Mr. Zeno’s grandfather, etc. I feel like there is something slightly rude about putting up wedding pics for everyone but your grandparents because it kind of makes a silent statement. Namely *FAIL*. I dunno. It’s like having a trophy shrine to one kid. It always comes off as a silent condemnation of the one who never acheived or measured up.

    I wouldn’t want anyone to feel weird or uncomfortable at my wedding and I wouldn’t want to take the chance of mass numbers of people misreading a gesture and I really feel like there is far too much room for misinterpretation here. Individual pics show *where you come from* without the *silent bragging* about the longevity of everyone’s marriage (except those two).

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