Is this a good idea?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is this a good idea?
    Yes : (15 votes)
    50 %
    Kind of - please comment your variation of my idea : (1 votes)
    3 %
    No : (14 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I think you know your FI best, but that’s a lovely way to acknowledge a very much loved family member who can’t be there. I sincerely hope his mother realizes that there is a good man waiting to know her son and be there for him

    Post # 3
    Member
    42490 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    The idea is fine,but personally, if I were in your situation, I would have a civic wedding and use the wedding money to track her down, legally determine  paternity and establish FI’s rights to visitation/custody with his son.

    Post # 4
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I think it is very kind and thoughtful 🙂

    I also think your FI would appreciate it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    As someone who hasn’t seen her biological father since she was a toddler, I would find it very strange if the man I didn’t know had a bracelet with my name on it. Especially if there was no relationship between us. If my own bio dad and I met and I noticed he was wearing a bracelet with my name on it, I’d feel very awkward and would likely wonder why he was wearing that if he didn’t want to see me.

    You and your fiance don’t know what his mom is telling him. Maybe she’s telling him that his daddy is dead or that he doesn’t want to see him. Yes, your fiance knows that this boy is his son, but the boy doesn’t know him and if the day comes when your fiance does meet him and he’s still a minor, I would hope that you two would focus on how to establish a loving relationship with him. I know I would have appreciated having the loving relationship with my bio dad over seeing him with a bracelet that has my name on it.

    Just my 2 cents.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3044 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I think it may help your FI a bit.

     

    have you contacted the police over this? Blocking access to his son and running away is akin to kidnapping, though since he isn’t on the birth certificate and does not have a court ordered DNA test it may be more complicated than that? Have you talked to a lawyer about this, and do his parents now know that it isn’t him who was dragging his feet on this?

    Post # 10
    Member
    42490 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    nessdawwg:  Sorry, I guess I asumed you would be paying for your own wedding.

    Post # 13
    Member
    42490 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    nessdawwg:  Don’t put words in my mouth. I never said you were selfish. I made an unfortunate assumption that you would be paying for your own wedding given that your FI is old enough to have an 8 year old son.

    I was wrong

    I apologize.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’m thinking that there’s a good chance that this little boy will not be part of your lives and doesn’t require any special additions to your wedding day. Maybe things will change by your wedding; maybe they won’t. Since this little boy doesn’t know your FI, I don’t think his older self will look back and feel upset about not being part of the wedding.

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