Post # 1
So, I’ve debated about posting this ‘cause I don’t want to sound crazy, but I’d like some advice/words of wisdom from you lovely ladies.
Today I found out my ex just got married. I feel like crying, and sort of like throwing up.
This ex was the one big LOVE (yes, in all capitals!) and long, serious relationship before FH, and the relationship ended *badly* (he cheated on me, dumped me, said he never loved me, etc.). That was several years ago, and although we’ve run into each other on the street once or twice, we’ve really never spoken since.
I had a lot of self esteem issues after him – to say he totally crushed me sounds melodramatic, but it was true for a long time after we split. I didn’t date for almost 1.5 years after we broke up.
I love FH dearly and completely, and if ex came back begging and pleading, I honestly would never be with him again. Ex and I simply didn’t have that much in common in the end – whereas FH have almost everything in common. (There’s no question in my mind FH is the one for me, I mean, that’s not a worry of mine).
I feel sort of angry about the news too – sort of like it’s bringing back the feelings of not being good enough. Does this make sense? Has this happened to anyone else?
I’d like to be the adult and say I’m happy for him – but I’m not. I’m rather unhappy and sad (for me?).
Is this normal? 🙁
Post # 3
I think it’s perfectly normal to not be happy for an ex who made you so unhappy about yourself. It has nothing to do with your relationship with your FH; it has to do with the fact that your ex made you feel like s**t about yourself and now he’s married and you feel like he doesn’t deserve that happiness – at least not before you get married! These feelings are perfectly normal. After a bad breakup like that, those feelings of animosity and hurt will linger and it doesn’t matter how great a relationship you are in – if someone has hurt you in the past it is hard if not totally impossible to feel any sort of happiness for them.
This is coming from a person who had a random sex dream last night about an ex I DESPISE, btw. I haven’t been sitting around all day worrying if I still have feelings for him – oh wait, I do have feelings for him. Hateful feelings.
Post # 4
I think it’s perfectly normal. He used to be a huge part of your life, and even though he’s no longer part of your life, he is part of your past. But, I also think with time, you will get over your hurt and angry feelings about his marraige, and be happy about your own. *hugs* Ex’s suck.
Post # 5
I think it is totally normal!
It is hard to see what you wanted to happen with someone happen with someone else! Even though you wouldn’t want it to happen with them NOW you did at one point in your life!
I was upset when my ex got engaged – I was upset that he got engaged before me – irrational I know but you can’t help your feelings. Let yourself be upset with it and come to terms with the idea – it will pass!
Post # 7
Sounds like he wasn’t worth the ground you walk on. It will get better with time, honestly, you’re not less of an adult for your feelings, you’re human.
And as my grandmomma always said- just lay back in the weeds and watch. He didn’t magically become a loving, honorable person just because there is a new girl in town. He is simply some other girls’ problem now…. and she’s stuck with him.
We on the WB want to believe in the happliy ever after, but the reality is, someone is marrrying a jerk… right….now. And it’s not you!
*Hugs* Not that you have to be negative about his marriage to get over your feelings – but let’s be real, it’s probably true….
Post # 8
@Gabrielle, there is a long thread about this at a different board that for anyone dealing with these emotions I think would benefit, if nothing else to know that there are so many people out there that struggle in the same situation and that it is normal! Pm me if you’d like the link, as I wouldn’t want to offend anyone by posting a link to a competing site. 🙂
Post # 9
I think it’s hard to come to terms with someone who hurt us so completely being happy. We all secretly long for those who have hurt us to get some sort of karmic kickback, but it doesn’t always happen. I totally understand where you’re coming from! Like you said, what counts is that you are totally committed to your FI. I think what you’re struggling with is the reminder of that time in your life when the ex crushed you. I know it’s hard, but try to focus on what you have!
Post # 10
Yep I think it is normal to have weird feelings about it. I remember the LOVE that I had in Grad School and when he got married shortly after we broke-up. IMO I think it is because that’s another chapter in our lives that is closed. It is sad to leave behind those memories.