Is this actually 'cultural' and is it a valid excuse?

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

So your coworkers are saying you should apologize for him talking down to you because you’re female? Um, no.

Post # 3
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

Yeah…no.

Post # 4
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

MsGinkgo:  if you were in his country then I would say biite the bullet because you would be fired over him. But if you are in a country with equal rights for everyone then he is the one that needs to apologise. I would check your countries legislation and make sure what your bosses are saying they want you to do is legal and to check that both the sub-consultant and the partners behaviour/response to the situation is within the sexual harrassment legislation.

Post # 6
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

MsGinkgo:  tell them you will apologise after he does. Tell them it is in your culture that you must talk like that to any man that behavies that way towards women.

Or threaten legal action because that sort of behaviour creates a hostile and unsafe working environment.

Your bosses sound like as big a jerks as the guys that treat you the way they do. In fact your bosses are treating you they way these guys do.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  j_jaye.
Post # 7
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

MsGinkgo:  It has been my experience within a corporate environment that apologies don’t really happen. Rather, the employees are reprimanded by their bosses and told to change their behavior. But no one gets to refuse to stop working with someone else. Or at least, no one gets granted that request. So, I think it is rather sexist of them to tell you to apologize but not him. It’s all or none. But apology or not, I believe both of you need to speak respectfully to one another. His boss should tell him he has to show respect to all employees regardless of gender.

Post # 8
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Any “cultural differences” should be left at the door when entering a workplace IMO. I’m assuming you have equal rights as a woman where you live, and what he’s doing could be seen as sexual harrassment.

 

tell them you will apologise after he does. Tell them it is in your culture that you must talk like that to any man that behavies that way towards women.

^I also agree with this.

Post # 9
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

MsGinkgo:  Agree with JJ, if you were in his country apologize. But he needs to realize that it is cultural for YOU that women are treated with the same respect that men are and you deserve an apology for his unnecessary rudeness due to your gender.

Post # 11
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve gotten into a lot of shit at work before because I refused to apologize for something that I wasn’t sorry for, but I wasn’t about to “bow down” just to make amends.  The person I was told to apologize to, didn’t speak to me for months, nor did I speak to her, but obviously we didn’t need to.  She was a supervisor for a completely different deparment, and I wasn’t sorry for what I said.

Stick to your guns girl.

Post # 12
Member
7400 posts
Busy Beekeeper

MsGinkgo:  Yes you are allowed to keep your culture but not if it breaks the countries laws.

For example just because polygamy is alowed in someones culture does not mean they can get married to a second wife in the country they reside in.

 

Post # 13
Member
3346 posts
Sugar bee

“I know that I’m a strong woman (the type of woman who is often called ‘aggressive’ but if I was male it would be normal behaviour) and not everyone likes that, but you shouldn’t be able to refuse to deal with me just because you prefer women to be meek, mild mannered, and listen to what the men say.”

if I could post gifs from my iPad, I would post the one of Mariah tearfully crying and clapping. You shouldn’t have to apologize unless he does as well, and this culture excuse is a crock of bull, in my opinion. Cultural differences don’t mean you get t be an asshole, and I don’t think that we need to respect other people’s cultural differences when it comes to treating someone unequally for superficial reasons. 

 

Post # 14
Member
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

j_jaye:  Exactly – I was just about to comment on this to.  I’m half Chinese, half “white” so I am a little sensitive to the subject of cultural difference.  For example, my Chinese grandparents moved here when my mom and her brothers were 6 and under and even after living in Canada for over 40 years, they still do not speak fluent English.  It makes me see red when people judge others for “not being able to speak the language, not doing this, or doing something weird” because you’ve moved to another country for a better life.

I’m in the boat as to if you’re not hurting someone else, and you’re not breaking the law, you should be allowed to continue on as you were, while embracing your new life/country/reality to the best of your ability. 

Post # 15
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

“It’s cultural” is not an excuse for blatant sexism.  I’d “apologize” but explain that you expect to be treated with respect and his behavior toward you was not appropriate. 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors