Is this an inappropriate way to grieve for an ex while in a relationship?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes…If I were your boyfriend’s cousin, I would probably be a little hurt that he was posting those photos and the notes he was writing.  It’s hard though, since this woman was also the mother of his child, so tough call.

However, on the flip side, there are some people who get some sort of weird excitement over knowing someone who has passed away.  It’s like they like the attention that the condolences will bring or something?  Is it possible he’s seeking attention too? 

Post # 3
716 posts
Busy bee

I think the realm of appropriate would be to honor her as a mother – say nice things about her as a mother, post mother/daughter photos. 

I think that romatic photos and expressions of love are in the realm of inappropriate. 

Post # 5
829 posts
Busy bee

It’s not appropriate, and it is very disrespectful to his current girlfriend to be posting multiple photos that include kissing and saying “I still love her” 🙁 mourning can turn people crazy and I’d be worried this guy is falling hard into a life-crisis of regret.

Post # 7
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Mlim:  Overall, I think he’s probably crossing the line, a bit, with saying he still loved her. But people do crazy things when they grieve and I try not to judge.

I would say that it is typical to express fondness and good memories of those that passed, even if they’re an ex. I know several family members who have genuinely grieved over the passing of an ex, even if they’d been divorced for a long time. This is especially true when the couple had kids. Hell, when my mom passed away and we were putting together photos to display at the funeral home, we included a wedding photo from when she married my dad, even though they’ve been divorced for decades. Getting a divorce doesn’t erase all the positive and good things in a relationship and I think that it’s typical to focus on those good things when someone passes. 

And, to be blunt, she’s dead, it’s not like she’s a threat to anybody’s relationship at this point…

So, maybe not the best way to handle things, but I wouldn’t take up a pitchfork and torch to go after this guy.

Post # 8
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think I’d have the same reaction as you – that it’s weird and kinda disrespectful to his current partner. However, it’s just never a good idea to tell someone else how to grieve. The ex, and mother of his child, just passed two days ago. Let him do whatever he needs to do right now.

Post # 9
9856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Mlim:  I think it’s a little weird, but I think that her passing probably brought up old feelings.  I think it’s completely possible to love another person but it’s different that the way you love a partner.

If one of my exes passed suddenly (god forbid) I imagine I’d have a very hard time even though we’re not particularly close at the moment

One of my exes passed suddenly a few years ago, he was married with a child.  We weren’t particularly close anymore.  I still felt very weird about it.  I refrained from posting much about his passing other than to express my condolonces to his wife and his very close friends but our situation was also different than that of your cousins…whatever the relationship is.

It’s probably awkward for his current GF but that is between them and only she can say if it really bothers her.

Post # 10
3497 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It’s a bit odd. It sounds like he still had some feelings for her and now that she has passed away he is really realizing it. It certainly puts his SO in an awkward situation, but it is not like she is a threat at this point. He will need some time to grieve for her. If it had been 6 months and he was still mulling over their pictures and talking about how much he loved her, that would be a different story, but it’s only been a couple days. 

Post # 11
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe he’s trying to put good things out there with the knowledge that his daughter might one day look back on this, and he wants her to see love between them.


Post # 12
5763 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

People grieve in different ways and it’s really not unusual for someone to act completely out-of-character when they are grieving, especially when they are grieving a young person who died unexpectedly. I think you need to let this slide, and your cousin needs to look the other way on this one. I don’t think anyone has any right to say what is “appropriate” when it comes to expressing grief, so long as the expression is not taking the form of violence or self-harm.

Post # 13
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

jamb:  I agree with this. 

Post # 14
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Considering the mother of his child died in a gruesome accident, I don’t think this is outrageous. His childs mother is gone, that’s painful whether he’s with her or not.

I don’t think your BFs cousin should feel slighted or disrespected by his grieving, everyone does differently and its only been a few days… The woman who gave him his child died, I think thats shocking to deal with and he should be allowed to post whatever he pleases without being judged.



Post # 15
1209 posts
Bumble bee

I have a friend who lost her first serious boyfriend (he was best friends with her brother) in a tragic cliff diving accident. At the time she was with someone else (they hadn’t dated in abour 4 years) and she did the same. She took it really hard as did her family… her BF at the time was very supportive, offered to go to the funeral with her but she went alone.

AFter the funeral she was obssesed with him and it really affected their relationship. I don’t know that it’s the reason they broke up, but I don’t think it helped. It’s been almost 2 years and she’s a lot better. Posts memories on his bday/anniversary of his death but she isn’t so obsessed. I think havign the outlet to post and remember really helped. It was just really hard with an SO in the picture.

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