Post # 1
On Sunday, I ran into a couple at the Grocery Store that I used to play on a co-ed softball team with. We were never friends outside the team, I only saw them at games and at the sponsor bar afterwards, but we were always friendly.
I am not playing on the team this year because I am 7 months pregnant and due in October. I had heard through the grapevine that this couple had eloped in July and that they were planning a BBQ reception in October to celebrate.
When I ran into them, I congratulated them on their marriage, and they seemed shocked that I was pregnant and due in 2 months, but congratulated me as well (this is to give you an idea of how good of friends we are…they hadn’t even heard I was 7 months pregnant…).
So yesterday, I get the mail, and I received an invitation to their reception with a registry card to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
I’m just a little surprised and a little pissed. It seems like SUCH a gift grab to me. It seems obvious that they wouldn’t have sent me an invitation if I hadn’t have run into them. Plus, they KNOW DH and I won’t be able to make it to their reception, since it’s the same week I’m due. Maybe they weren’t consciously thinking “lets send them an invite so we’ll get a gift from them but won’t have to pay for their food”, but the timing and circumstances are just suspicious.
What would you do in my situation? Would you send them a gift? Or just a card? Would you just ignore it? Am I overreacting?
Post # 5
Or, the fliip side is maybe they felt bad they hadn’t invited you thinking you didn’t know they were married and when they realized you did know, thought it would be a nice gesture. Send whatever it is you want to send and try not to think the worst of people. Maybe it’s something to side-eye and say hm that’s weird, but definitely not something to be pissed about.
Post # 6
I think you are over thinking this. Since you guys are not that close (as you have stated), maybe they forgot about you guys and bumping into them jogged their memory. When I don’t see someone that I’m not close to for that long, I would kinda forget about them as well. Maybe they remembered how much fun you all had and wanted to extend an invitation.
Post # 7
@ExcitedScaredBee: I do think you are thinking too much into this! They probably ran into you in the store and maybe felt bad they had forgot you on the original guest list for the reception and decided to send you an invitation. I don’t see it as gift grabby, but I don’t know them personally like you do either. I could see myself doing that and thinking “Oh, Jane and John were really fun to hang out with and play softball with, it would be great to catch up with them. We should invite them to the reception.”
Post # 8
@ExcitedScaredBee: i would decline the invitation and send them a card.
but if you don’t want to send a card either, don’t worry about it.
Post # 9
@ExcitedScaredBee: let’s try to look at this with positive intent. Send a card and that’s it!
Post # 10
You’re going a bit overboard. If I was doing a big wedding, or one without too many people constraints, there could very well be “seasonal” people that I’d invite that I forgot about. I used to sail during the summers and in your situation (where you’d done this for a time) I’d probably invite some of them.
Post # 11
Likely they sent out the same invitation to everyone with the registrty card in it. A lot of people are planning on buying them gifts. I’m sure it was more likely they intended honestly to invite you. Maybe they felt bad bringing it up and thought it would be rude to tell you about it and not invite you. As someone who has never been pregs, honestly I would have no idea that someone couldn’t go somewhere at 9 months pregnant. It’s possible they just didn’t know, or didn’t do the math. Either or, just gracefully decline, or send a plain card.
Post # 12
@MrsWBS: I think is right. They probably felt bad and invited you now that they know you know about the reception.
Post # 13
Wait, you saw them sunday and the invite arrived Tuesday?
My assumption would be that they mailed the invite last week, BEFORE they saw you. I have never heard of mail getting delivered within a day.
Post # 14
And this is why etiquette (in the US) says that it is not considered to be polite to mention gifts in/on/with an invitation. If this couple had simply sent you an invitation to their celebration, your first thought may have been to be flattered that they thought to include you in their special day instead of your feeling as if they had suddenly thought of someone else who may be able to purchase a gift from their registry.
Post # 15
@ExcitedScaredBee: It’s not rude to me. I don’t think they meant anything malicious by it.
Post # 16
I think you should send just a card because they really could’ve meant good.