Is this as rude as I think it is?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Just a card!!!

Post # 4
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

double post

Post # 5
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Or, the fliip side is maybe they felt bad they hadn’t invited you thinking you didn’t know they were married and when they realized you did know, thought it would be a nice gesture.  Send whatever it is you want to send and try not to think the worst of people. Maybe it’s something to side-eye and say hm that’s weird, but definitely not something to be pissed about.

Post # 6
122 posts
Blushing bee

I think you are over thinking this. Since you guys are not that close (as you have stated), maybe they forgot about you guys and bumping into them jogged their memory. When I don’t see someone that I’m not close to for that long, I would kinda forget about them as well. Maybe they remembered how much fun you all had and wanted to extend an invitation.

Post # 7
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ExcitedScaredBee:  I do think you are thinking too much into this! They probably ran into you in the store and maybe felt bad they had forgot you on the original guest list for the reception and decided to send you an invitation. I don’t see it as gift grabby, but I don’t know them personally like you do either. I could see myself doing that and thinking “Oh, Jane and John were really fun to hang out with and play softball with, it would be great to catch up with them. We should invite them to the reception.”

Post # 8
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ExcitedScaredBee:  i would decline the invitation and send them a card.

but if you don’t want to send a card either, don’t worry about it.


Post # 10
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You’re going a bit overboard.  If I was doing a big wedding, or one without too many people constraints, there could very well be “seasonal” people that I’d invite that I forgot about.  I used to sail during the summers and in your situation (where you’d done this for a time) I’d probably invite some of them.

Post # 11
4134 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Likely they sent out the same invitation to everyone with the registrty card in it. A lot of people are planning on buying them gifts. I’m sure it was more likely they intended honestly to invite you. Maybe they felt bad bringing it up and thought it would be rude to tell you about it and not invite you.  As someone who has never been pregs, honestly I would have no idea that someone couldn’t go somewhere at 9 months pregnant. It’s possible they just didn’t know, or didn’t do the math. Either or, just gracefully decline, or send a plain card. 

Post # 12
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MrsWBS:  I think is right. They probably felt bad and invited you now that they know you know about the reception.

Post # 13
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wait, you saw them sunday and the invite arrived Tuesday?

My assumption would be that they mailed the invite last week, BEFORE they saw you. I have never heard of mail getting delivered within a day. 

Post # 14
10883 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009



And this is why etiquette (in the US) says that it is not considered to be polite to mention gifts in/on/with an invitation. If this couple had simply sent you an invitation to their celebration, your first thought may have been to be flattered that they thought to include you in their special day instead of your feeling as if they had suddenly thought of someone else who may be able to purchase a gift from their registry.


Post # 15
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ExcitedScaredBee:  It’s not rude to me. I don’t think they meant anything malicious by it.

Post # 16
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you should send just a card because they really could’ve meant good.

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