is this bad???

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6882 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

VintageGinger:  Ummm, that’s not a good sign. It’s more of a hook up app than a dating app, from what I’ve heard, but I wouldn’t know because I’ve never used it. How long have you been together? Is this something you can ask him about? 

Post # 3
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Approach him about the distance and fighting… start there. Don’t accuse him of anything related to the phone right away. Just make sure your relationship is okay.

Post # 4
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

VintageGinger:  Yeah as far as I know it’s a hook up app, but I’ve also never used it.  That’s definitely a red flag that he’s being overcautious with his phone AND has the tinder app.

Post # 5
Member
3699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

VintageGinger:  Yeah, Tinder is a dating (and hookup) app. I would approach him. It definitely sounds suspicious, probably even more than suspicious. Don’t run in accusing and yelling at him, just calmly ask what is going on, you should be able to judge whether he is telling the truth. Don’t even mention the app at first, just say that things have been weird and ask what is going on. I’ve known people in relationships to make fake online dating profiles just out of curiosity to see what kind of weirdos are on there, but I feel like that is probably not the case here.

Post # 6
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

SeaOfLove:  You are a better woman than I.  I would have immediatly asked what exactly he thought he was accomplishing by having the tinder app whether he’s using it or not and asked to see his phone.  I think suspicious behavior and having a HOOK UP APP would probably call for that.

Post # 7
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yes, that’s a very bad sign.

Post # 8
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

RenoSweeney24:  I mean, I’m not saying it shouldn’t be brought up… but the last thing she wants at this point is for him to completely shut her out because she’s accusing him of things right off the bat. Whether it’s he’s using it for hooking up or not, it’s likely he’s going to shut down and not talk… maybe even make her feel crazy like she’s seeing things. It could make things worse and more confusing.

Post # 9
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yikes, wow, that is absolutely not a good sign. Tinder is a dating/hookup app as others have mentioned.

 

Others might flame me but I would snoop the shit out of that phone when he was in the shower or something.

Post # 10
Member
3699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

SeaOfLove:  I agree not to accuse him of stuff right away, that isn’t going to lead to effective communication. 

She doesn’t know what, if anything, that he’s done. Maybe it was an app that just looked like Tinder, maybe he downloaded it as a joke, maybe he downloaded it for a friend to check their profile when their phone was dead, whatever. I agree that the situation sounds bad, but automatically jumping to the worst situation is not going to help things. 

Post # 11
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

VintageGinger:  If he went from being open with his phone, to suddenly guarding it- I’d ask what’s up.

My husband keeps his phone password free and doesn’t care if I just pick it up and play a game or something– so if he started getting weird about it- there’s no way there wouldn’t an immediate conversation about it.

It’s one of the biggest red flags for cheating.

Post # 13
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Unfathomably:  Not from me. I’d be snooping on that phone RIGHT NOW.

Let’s be honest, there just aren’t a whole lot of good, reasonable answers to, “So why did you recently download Tindr to your phone?”. OP is likely to get gaslighted (gaslit?) or just plain lied to. I think it is better to try to get as much of the story as possible before you talk to your SO. 

Post # 14
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

VintageGinger:  I posted while you were updating. I’d be confused over the profile pic, too. Were you able to read any messages he exchanged? 

Post # 15
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

VintageGinger:  I wouldn’t kill yourself ovwr wondering why he’s on tinder. Some people do use tinder for fun (my brother found this girl he lost contact with when he was in middle school on it, and they’ve become really good friends).  

I would suggest sitting down with him and talking to him. And be really clear: “I feel _______ when you ________ because _________.” He’s a big boy – he should be able to talk to you about it. Don’t accuse him of anything – let him know you’re worried about the relationship. 

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