Is This Bad Etiquette?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

Mrs_Purple:  I don’t think it would be rude … But I would find it odd. The only thing is if guests are giving you gifts then you are not able to specifically mention said gift in the thank you card. Are you permanently moving there? If there are no gifts could you not just put all the cards in a post box after the wedding before you leave?

Post # 3
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

This happened to us and I found it kind of rude and thoughtless because they had not opened our gift yet. They gave everyone the same preprinted thank you which just seemed… Meaningless.

However, their situation was nothing like yours. How many people are attending? If it’s a small number perhaps you can write them out quick before leaving? Otherwise can you call people up and thank them verbally if you’re worried about the mail system?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  .
Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I imagine it wouldn’t be rude for the guests who mailed their gifts in advance and you’d already opened them. If anyone brings a gift to the wedding and you haven’t seen what it is yet, then you’ll have to write that person’s thank you note the next day and mail it then.

Post # 5
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

Mail them from the UK, after you’ve opened the gift. Then you can thank them for their specific gift and for celebrating with you yesterday, or whatever day it is. No one enjoys pre-printed, non-personalized thank you notes. They’ve taken the time and thought to choose and purchase your gift, so you have to show them the same courtesy, in return. 

Post # 6
Member
5277 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Giving a thank you note without opening the gift would be too generic and impersonal.  Could you send them after opening the gifts, while you’re still in the UK?

Post # 7
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Honestly. I think it sounds like a really good system for your situation.

Post # 8
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would find it off putting. The thank yous should be personalized to each guest/couple/family thanking them for the gift they gave you, so you’d have to know what the gift was and have time to write the note after opening, not exactly feasible at a reception. You say you’ll be in the UK for a few days, I recommend knocking them out before you leave. 

Post # 9
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

It is rude. 

Thank yous must be personalized.  Since you wouldn’t know that the gift is at the point of giving out the notes, they would just be a pre-printed, non specific, card.  I wouldn’t even call them thank you notes.

If you are very worried about the mail system, you can either 1) get them done before you leave the UK and into the post 2) Send them to someone from your home to the UK and have someone drop them in the post.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Mrs_Purple:  I think the best option would be to mail them right before you leave. People will want to know that you got their gift and that you love it!

It won’t take long to write them, then you know they’ll arrive.

Post # 12
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Mrs_Purple:  So for your specific situation, I would prep the thank you cards ahead of time thanking each guest or couple for coming, but don’t give them out at your wedding, mail them the next day. I think it’s nice to receive a thank you card in the mail. IF anyone gives you a gift, perhaps call them before you leave the UK and thank them that way? 

Post # 13
Member
7084 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would write part of them ahead of time with the typical “thank you for coming” bit and address/stamp all the envelopes. Then after the wedding I would add in the personalized part about their specific gift.

Post # 14
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

What aboue emailing thank you notes? I’m sure there is some etiquette rule against this but just throwing it out there

Post # 15
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Mrs_Purple:  It’s against etiquette to give thank you notes for people who attend, but don’t give a gift so I think you’re overthinking this. 

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