Post # 1
I’m graduating from college soon and I have six tickets. My parents, brother, boyfriend, grandpa (who has stage 4 bone cancer) and his wife (whom I consider a grandma) are the six that I’ve chosen to give the tickets to. These are my mom’s parents, my dad’s parents passed away over ten years ago.
My grandma and her ex-husband (whom I’m still close to) are coming into town despite not having tickets. They know they don’t have tickets and won’t get tickets and won’t get to go to graduation. They’re still going to try to get in anyway. And they say they really just want to come to the graduation party.
It was hard for me to decide to whom the tickets should go. I chose my grandpa because he probably won’t be around for other milestones such as my wedding or to meet my future children.
I am choosing not to have a graduation party because I know that all of the work would fall on me for the preparation (choosing a menu, shopping for food and decorations, cleaning, cooking, etc) and hostessing (even though my boyfriend and I live together). He’s just not good at planning parties. He goes to the store, spends $200 and comes back without a full meal or without enough for everyone or way too much or whatever. Not having a party was decided several months ago.
Instead, I want to go out to lunch after graduation to celebrate. I don’t mind footing the bill (I’m already working full-time in my chosen field). What I really mind is my grandma and her ex-husband coming, uninvited, for a graduation they don’t have tickets to, that they won’t sit through in its entirety, and for a party that is not happening.
Are they being disrespectful or am I being rude for not inviting them when I don’t have tickets for them? Essentially, they’re making a three hour trip, getting a hotel room and paying for gas, in order to crash a lunch with me and my parents and my grandpa. And if they can, crash a graduation.
Post # 3
It sounds like your grandmother really just wants to spend time with you. I would invite them to lunch. I would also see if someone had an extra ticket fro them, but that’s just me. They obviously really care about you and want to celebrate with you, and I wouldn’t want to deny them that.
Post # 4
i agree with BrooklynBride…your grandmother probably just wants to be there no matter what to see you graduate. I know my grandmothers always insist on going to every milestone because they fear when they will no longer be around. I don’t think it’s rude that you don’t have tickets for them, and you are in a bad spot. I would just try to get an extra ticket, if you can’t just explain that to her and she will understand. Even if you can’t give her a ticket I would have everyone go out to lunch like you said including her so that at least she can spend some time with you during a special day in your life.
Post # 5
I know my school around graduation time always had people giving away tickets, asking for tickets, etc. Can you see if anyone has 2 extra tickets?
Otherwise, I would personally be excited to be able to be with my grandparents. I’m down to one as is my FI, and I haven’t seen mine in 3 years due to distance. I would count them coming as a blessing and enjoy dinner with them.
Post # 6
honestly, i don’t think it’s disrespectful of them at all–i think it’s lovely. this is a big accomplishment, and they want to celebrate with you! are you sure it’s not possible to get more tickets? there’s usually some kind of way for tickets that aren’t being used to get redistributed–either informally or through the actual school, if people return tickets.
eta: i’m biased on this because all 4 of my grandparents passed away within my first 3 years of college, and i would have loved more than anything to have had them with me. i still cry that they now won’t be with me at my wedding, and it’s been 5 years
Post # 7
I agree with the previous posters about trying to find 2 additional tickets. If there is still bad blood between your grandma and grandpa I would see if maybe the tickets could be in a separate location in the venue. Then perhaps you could go out to lunch as planned with your original guests and then try to meet up with your grandma in the late afternoon for ice cream or even for an early (lite) dinner. I really think it’s important to celebrate with her because she may not be around for other milestones either. I also would have given anything to have my grandpa at my graduation but sadly he had cancer and wasn’t able to travel and m grandma who lived an hour away (and had transportation from other relatives) chose not to attend because her toe hurt. Count your blessings.
Post # 8
Well, the reason she wants to come is to spend time with her ex-husband. She’s afraid he has a girlfriend. She doesn’t really give a crap about going to the graduation and she won’t stay for very long if she does get in somehow. She came to my high school graduation only to leave about 10 minutes into it. But her ex-husband offered to drive her the three hour trip and split the cost of a hotel room with her and all of a sudden she’s interested in coming. Before this, she didn’t give a crap about coming.
The tickets aren’t given out until 2 days before graduation. So even if I could get extra tickets, it’d be very last minute.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
There is always a way to get more tickets to these kinds of things, and I think, even though people shouldn’t invite themselves to events, it would be really good of you to try to secure two more for your grandmother and her ex. The situation sounds a little strange, but it’s not too hard to imagine she wants to celebrate with you!
Post # 10
If you really can’t get more tickets, I would at least allow them to come to the lunch. It sounds like she wants to spend time with you and celebrate with you, not ‘crash’.
Edit: I read your additional post. If she really just wants to come for that, then maybe she won’t stay the whole time just because she wants to see her ex. Maybe she wants to see him though because he probably isn’t going to be around much longer and wants to say goodbye in person.
Post # 11
I wish my grandparents loved me this much!
Post # 12
I don’t think a grandparent could ever crash a graduation event. It sounds like she just wants to celebrate with you however she can.
Post # 13
The ex she’s coming with isn’t my grandpa. He’s her third ex-husband. I’m just really upset that she had zero interest prior to the third ex-husband offering to bring her down and come with her and stuff.
There’s just been a lot of negative words exchanged amongst her and my aunt regarding me, my boyfriend, my education, my career choice, etc and I don’t feel like she really cares about my graduation.
Post # 14
In order to be “crashing” your grad lunch, you’d have to not want her there, is there a reason? If you don’t want her there, I would just say so instead of making her travel and spend the money. I don’t think it’s rude or disrespectful of her at all, and I think you you need to be much more upfront.
Post # 15
I guess I’ll go ahead and be in the minority here because I get a totally different vibe from your posts. From what you’re saying, the case is that she really doesn’t care. She just wants to keep tabs on an ex and your graduation became the perfect excuse. From the info you gave, it really doesn’t sound like you’re a big priority for her (your example of leaving 10 minutes into your last graduation).
You have a limited amount of tickets. You may or may not be able to get more. If you can–OK, if you can’t–oh well. It seems like you’re pushing about her not being invited to the lunch. Is it maybe that you want to spend time with your BF and close family without theatrics/awkwardness? You mentioned grandmpa’s health and your major concern seems to be spending time with him in a comfortable and happy setting to make memories and the presence of these two other people might make that difficult or impossible. If that’s the case, don’t stretch yourself thin trying to meet other’s expectations. This may not be a wedding, but I’m not going to be a proponent that you be uncomfortable for someone who doesn’t really care.
ETA: I just saw your third post. Honestly, I wouldn’t force things if you don’t feel up to it. Just try to have a great time for graduation. Do whatever you feel is best.
Post # 16
After reading all your posts. Its seems grandma wants to come but for the wrong reasons. If she isn’t a part of your life too much and doesn’t support your life, ie. career and boyfriend. Then I can see why aren’t too excited to have her there.
I think you’re best bet is to talk to her. See if she really wants to come.