Post # 1
So, the deal in our house is that whoever makes dinner does not do dishes, which has been working fine for about a year. Fiance always cooks and I always do dishes. I hate dishes, but he is a GREAT cook, so I don’t mind having it this way.
Until recently, when he has started asking for help with dinner. We grill a lot, so he will usually ask me to make salads and roast veggies, etc. while he is out at the grill. Usually this happens while I’m doing homework or just relaxing for a bit after work (my job is MUCH more stressful than his and I’m also a grad student) because he’s hungry much earlier than I am.
BUT then when it’s time to do dishes, he is on the couch playing a video game.
Should I tell him that if he gets help with the food, I get help with the dishes (ie. drying or putting them away)? We don’t have a dishwasher so it does take quite a while, depending on how many pots and pans he used for dinner.
How would you feel? Am I just PMSing this week? Would you say something? I think it may just be my loathing for doing dishes that makes me resentful when he’s on the couch!
Post # 3
He might just be used to ya’lls routine of you doing the dishes, maybe just ask him for help, like hey honey would you mind helping me dry these dishes? See what he says, he might just say no problem and then it doesn’t have to be a big discussion.
Post # 4
Yes. If you cook together, clean up together. Totally fair.
Post # 5
Definitely ask him for help. Sounds fair to me!
Post # 6
Haha no I wouldnt say anything, you should enjoy cooking dinner together, my fiance and I looove cooking together and see what we can come up with. I dont mind cleaning up after because he does things I dont do like cut the grass, take out the garbage, clean the eavestrough, layed the new flooring in the basement, gets up with the dogs in the morning etc etc the list goes on and on, I wouldnt let dishes be a reason you guys argue, pick your battles, if you nit pick over every little thing youre in for a long bumpy ride :o)
Post # 7
I would just do the dishes haha. Personally, I want to avoid getting into a “tit for tat” mentality with housework or anything for that matter with my husband. I just figure, God willing it’ll be a long life together, but it could get pretty trying if we start keeping score on all this little stuff. That’s just my take though and we don’t have much of an even division of housework and I’ve accepted that. Consider how important it is to you in the grand scheme of things and go from there. If you think you’ll feel resentful keeping your mouth shut then you may want to say something.
Post # 8
I agree with PP that you should pick your battles. I cook, clean the table/dishes afterwards (though we’ve always had a dishwasher) and grocery shop. Like @LauraRose’s Fiance, mine does a lot of things I absolutely hate doing such as picking up doggy doo outside, dealing with the trash and trashcans, and planting/pruning/watering the garden. Maybe a possible solution is to map out who does what and stick to the list, although it could be tricky arguing over what is “fair”.
Post # 9
Haha you sound like a candidate for the book “Spousanomics.” A friend recommended it to me and I just started reading it. It will rock your world! Approaching marriage through the lens of economics
Post # 10
Ask for help. If he you help him cook, he helps you clean! Sounds fair to me.
Post # 11
@phillygirl629: “Personally, I want to avoid getting into a “tit for tat” mentality with housework or anything for that matter with my husband.”
I agree. OP – If you have a really busy night of homework or something, asking for help once in a while is fine. But everytime you help with dinner he has to help with dishes feels too much like keeping score to me.
Post # 12
Ask him. Wear sexy lingerie when you ask him.
Just kidding. Sort of.
But I would just nicely say, “Honey, would you mind coming in here and helping me with this, please?”
Men do this stuff. He knows you’re gonna ask him, and he knows he should help out, he’s just biding his time. Or maybe he thinks because he’s grilling that counts as cooking. Yep, you should say that since you helped with cooking you also would like his help with cleaning up. Fair is fair.
Wear a low-cut top.
Post # 13
Ask for help or suggest that you take turns doing them. You don’t have to keep score or anything. You do them one night, he does the next night. Or you do them during the week, he does them on the weekends.
Post # 14
Just ask him to assist you. Only get upset if he declines to help.
Post # 15
I’m just impressed he helps you cook! 🙂 The most my Fiance can do is make hot dogs. And by make hot dogs, I mean, put them in the microwave for 25 seconds.
Post # 16
Definitely ask for help! Don’t be a nag about it, just ask and be sure to PRAISE him when he does help, so he is more likely to pitch in without you asking in the future. Men love praise, don’t they? 😉 haha