Is this acceptable? (Baby related)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

No, I wouldn’t want to take my children there either. They say second hand smoke, even from her holding them, is worse than first hand! I am only 6 weeks and already worried about some of the people in my life who smoke, thank god there aren’t many, and none are family. I wish I had an answer to this delicate issue, I just wanted to say I don’t think you’re out of line for being concerned!

Post # 4
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t bring my kids to her house. I also would not expose myself to that – the effects of second hand smoke on health are well established, and it’s horrible.

My mom smoked around us a lot when I was growing up, and my brother and I both have asthma and bad allergies as a result (and god knows what else that could become an issue later in life).

 

Post # 5
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@TorontoBride2be:  I don’t think you’re overreacting.  It’s good to think of these things.  That is insane to me that she smokes around children.  I would not have my children at her house, including holidays.  And if she has a problem understanding that it’s too bad.

Post # 6
Member
7261 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Smoking (and second/third hand smoking) increases the risk of SIDS, and it’s fair for you to want to avoid that. I honestly can’t stand the smell of smoking, so I don’t blame you. It will probably cause issues, but it’s your right to not want to let your kids around that environment just like it’s her right to choose to smoke.

Post # 7
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@TorontoBride2be:  I wouldn’t let my kids be around her, nor would I want to be her even before (or during) pregnancy. Second hand smoke is unfiltered toxins. If she wants to sacrifice her own health, that’s fine, but you and your DH shouldn’t have to risk yourselves. 

You’re definitely NOT overreacting. Have you talked to DH about this and talking to her about it? 

Post # 8
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@TorontoBride2be:  I don’t think you are over-reacting, but I do thinkyou can put this on the back burner for a while yet.

Just because she has always hosted holidays in the past, doesn’t mean she always will. As children grow up and have families of their own, traditions change.

Not only do you have the right to raise your child smoke-free, I think you have an obligation to do so.

You and DH, along with his siblings can discuss how you plan to handle the situation. The obvious and easy solution is to have holidays at one of your homes so she has to go outside to smoke.

Post # 9
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Totally understandable! Hell, I wouldn’t even want myself around that. Smoking is so disgusting and unhealthy. 

Post # 11
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You are totally not wrong. I make my brother, who smokes (but is trying to quit for my son) change clothes when we go to his house, and he doesn’t even smoke inside. I wouldn’t allow my child to be in a house where people smoke, whether or not they are actively smoking.

Post # 12
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@TorontoBride2be:  I know H hates her smoking but I also know that H is REALLY close to his family and I wasnt sure how he would take this

He may be close with his family, but I’m sure he will love his child even more and want what is best for it!

Post # 13
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@TorontoBride2be:  No smoking around your children. Make that a blanket rule. That is 100% reasonable. It really is outrageuous that she smokes inside when children are present, due to the health risk. If that means you don’t visit her, then so be it.

But your husband needs to be the one to have this conversation.

Post # 15
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My mom put her foot down with my Grandmother and Aunt on my Father’s side when I was dx’ed with asthma as a child. She told them that we would not be at their house if they continued to smoke around me. We couldn’t stop them from smoking in their house but they stopped when I was around and eventually they stopped smoking inside all together. Just because they are family does not mean that you have to put your future children’s (or your own) health at risk because of their bad decisions.

 

Post # 16
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@TorontoBride2be:  Maybe do some research on second hand smoking which you can then present to DH and possibly even his mother. But I wouldn’t broach this subject with her till the time comes, and maybe not even with him, at least not seriously. Maybe plant the seed so he has time to think about how he feels about it.

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