Post # 1
Just wondering what the bees think…
So this weekend is a long weekend. FI and I both have 10 days off work. I am on salary, so I get paid. He is casual and doesnt.
He has had a boys week planned for this weekend for about a month- Thurs-Mon. I usually love coming up with him but respected he wanted some boys time. He assured me he had overtime coming up before Easter to pay the several hundred dollars it costs for petrol etc. He also insisted on buying some new stuff he really didn’t need.
Now in addition to my normal job, I am delivering pizzas in the evening to try and lessen the burden of debt on us slightly. I am working 16 hour days half the time, and 6-7 days a week, or about 60 hours. FI did not do the overtime he was promised, in fact he hasn’t worked a full week in 3 weeks and so has not make the money he thought he would. He still expects to go away, and to just spend the money in our account which is meant to be for bills. I am tired all the time, and he isn’t even doing a 38 hour week!
Now, he called his mate he is going away with and his mate is bringing his wife and all her girlfriends (who I know) ! So now it’s not guy time. Of course I didn’t think I could go, so I haven’t taken time off from the pizza shop and am working all weekend. I am jelous and mad that I could have enjoyed going away but now I can’t due to work, which I could have gotten off if someone had mentioned this just a week earlier. I also HAVE to work since we have no money.
The weekend after this one is our 3 yr anniversary. FI has already told me he can’t afford to get me anything or do anything nice together for it. I feel like I’m spending my break just sitting at home and working when I am the one that deserves a break more, and FI is just going to go galivanting away and having loads of fun. It’s not fair!! I know he organised it in advance… but as far as I’m concerned situations have changed!! We fought about it this morning and he called me selfish and told me I shouldn’t be so needy and go and have some fun with my friends… but I can’t! becuase he is spending all the cash that I EARNT!! and didnt’ just earn from my job, I would be ok with that, but earnt it by working my but off for crazy hours never being able to relax or anything. I think if he wanted to do this he should have gotten a second job!!
Anyway, guess this was just more of a vent than anything but feel free to leave opinions ladies.
Post # 2
nessdawwg: Oh, this is sooooo not cool and not acceptable. If I were you, I would say, “You didn’t keep your end of the deal, so I don’t think it’s appropriate or fair for you to go on the trip.” He may not like it, but he is an adult and needs to be more financially responsible. If he knew this trip was coming up, he should have earned the money/worked over time to afford it. It is absolutely not acceptable for him to spend your money or joint money on a trip that he failed to save for.
Does he have a history of financial irresponsibilty? Has he made efforts to contribute more equally? It seems like you are pulling most of the financially burden while he is skirting by. That would be a major concern for me and something that would need to be resolved BEFORE marriage.
Post # 3
Hell no that’s not fair… While you’re stressing about money he’s having a good ole time. No! I would open a seperate account and keep all my money in there… half the bills in order to make sure he’s contributing to bills and if he doesn’t have any money left over then too bad! He’s walking all over you… And that’s not nice! Time for you to get him on the same page or y’all will one day end up in a debt there’s no getting out of. Good Luck lady!
Post # 4
Well, you have been bankrolling his man-child lifestyle and don’t seem to have a coherent money management plan between yourselves, so it is not surprising that one of you is bent out of shape. It might be good for you guys to have his money, your money, and an account for joint expenses. You each pay half; see how much galavanting his broke ass does then.
Post # 5
I’ve felt bad for our arguement this morning, I was a fair bitch to him, but thinking about it today I did start thinking again it was pretty unfair! I’m glad I have some backup. One of the things he said was that I always act like this when he wants to go away with the boys (which granted is rarely, maybe once or twice a year without me) but last time I was annoyed because it was all disorganised and a mess and then he lied to me about how he was getting home from the pub (One of his mates drove them back blind drunk when he told me they had a DD) which of course I was furious about. I was fine for him to go away this time, until it’s been getting closer and closer and he hasn’t had the expected work, and then to find out this is a group going away thing (No issue with trust btw with the women, they are all like 20 yrs older than him and I trust him anyway) but the knowledge I could have gone just makes me so mad. It’s not his fault that the plans were changed, but I don’t know… I’m still so mad!
He’s also been buying his lunch for work each day instead of making it and buying takeaway for dinner instead of cooking when I have been working… so it’s not like he’s tried to budget or help out at all!
I had plans to go see family over the weekend too… but cancelled when I realised we couldn’t afford it.
Tonight is also the only night we get together as he is leaving tomorrow and I’ve been working heaps and he wants to spend all tonight driving an hour away to pick up a trailer and doesn’t understand why that makes me angry.
Grrrrrrr I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to forbid him for anything.. I just want him to use his own common sense!
Madeline789: I actually did open a seperate account today. His money will be going in one account, mine in another and I will take out bill money each pay day and he can have what’s left. Which isn’t much. I’ve had enough.
Post # 6
Definitely not fair. I feel bad for you! I would feel so upset and used. I know I would never use bill money to go on a solo vacation if SO were working overtime for it.
It’s great that you guys are opening separate accounts, but maybe you should start thinking, too, if someone with such an irresponsible attitude toward money is someone you want to be with long term.
Post # 7
I should also add that with my day jobs pay and his day jobs pay if he works a 5 day week, he earns about $50 more than me (so not much) If he’d done the overtime he would have earnt around $400.00 for each weekend and I would have no issue with him using that money to have some boy time.
Post # 8
Good for you Nessdawwg! I’m glad you opened up that other account because know when he asks why you’re so mad at him you can just show him why without having to say a word. I’m so mad for you… grrrr.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think that if I were you, I’d tell him this: “It’s fine that you want some time to go away with your friends, but right now we can’t afford it, so it’s not fair that I’m working almost twice as much as you and you’re the one who gets vacation. I hope you have a good time, and then when you get home I’m going to help you find a second job, too, so that I can have the same luxuries you do.”
Post # 10
Screw that. How, as a man, is he comfortable spending the money YOU made on a vacation you could have gone on with him but you have to stay home because you have to work and can’t afford to even visit your family? If this kind of thing is standard for him I would’ve dumped him years ago. He’s not acting like he cares about you or respects you… does being with him really make you happy? Are you ready to spend the rest of your life arguing about money? Have fun with that.
Post # 11
nessdawwg: No, it’s not fair and you should dumb this lazy moocher.
Is this the same guy who got the lap,dance after primo missing you no strippers?
Honey, you can do a lot better for yourself. Spend the weekend finding a new place.
Post # 12
nessdawwg: Good for you on getting the seperate account, I think that was a necessary move! For him to not have worked to pay for his trip and then take the money you have worked extra for to go, and say that afterward he won’t be able to go to a nice dinner or something for your anniversary, it’s just BS! You don’t need to pay for his play time. I hope you save some extra money and do something nice for yourself!
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
bmo88: This, Madeline789: This, LoveBugBee: And this!
Making adjustments when things do not turn up as expected is called being an adult; OP, you must make sure the man you intend to marry is one.
Post # 14
That’s just idiotic behavior on his part. Its not even close to fair that you work for him to go play, I would add up all the money he’s wasted recently (on the things he didn’t need, lunches he can’t afford to buy, and the trip he couldn’t afford to take) and present it to him.
When my FI and I first got together, he helped me curb my spending by adding up things I thought were no big deal, seeing what I could’ve saved was infuriating and kicked by butt into gear, it helped me become much wiser with money.
Post # 15
I’d be getting separate bank accounts. I would not fund his little tip with your hard work.