(Closed) Is this feeling normal after a broken "engagement"?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

It depends on your situation. I’ve been in the same situation as you before and lived alone in the house before ex-so moved in. After he moved out, it felt I had my own place back and I LOVED IT! Fast forward another 10 years: new home, new SO that moved in a year ago and I still can enjoy being home alone a single night. I never had a problem being alone and sometimes I need some “space”. Good luck, you just have to get used to it a little!

Post # 4
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Hey there! Sounds like you may be suffering from a bit of anxiety. I had the same thing happen after my engagement ended. My ex moved out and back to Massachusetts, leaving me totally on my own for the first time in my life. I was okay for the first few months, but around the end of July I had a MASSIVE panic attack after I went to the gym alone and almost passed out due to overwork + not enough food/water.

Since then, I’ve been slowly recovering from an urgency to not leave the house (or “safe” locations like my office). It was so bad at first that I spent a week unable to leave my home. But I got into therapy and slowly regained control of my life.

Hopefully you won’t deal with anything quite so drastic – but it is normal. I think it’s the fact that, even though you are overwhelmingly better off and okay with the relationship ending, there’s a feeling when you leave that comfort zone that things are different and you’re ‘alone’ now where you didn’t used to be before, at least symbolically.

Don’t force yourself to feel. You may NOT feel any huge pain – everyone processes life events differently. Just keep up what you’re doing and maybe take time to reflect every day by spending a little quiet time with a journal, jotting down your feelings and thoughts.

*hug*

Post # 5
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, if you’re doing this well then you probably made the right choice to break up! Of course you’re going to feel lonely sometimes and worry about the future, but you’ll meet the right person when the time is right. For now enjoy single life & be kind to yourself. It’s ok to be upset, & it’s ok to be happy too : )

Post # 6
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@angustia:  I don’t have advice about the feeling you’re getting when you leave the house, but i just wanted to tell you that I just read all of your posts and have to say I’m 100% confident you will find love again, probably within the year.  You seem so intelligent and well-spoken (I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to read posts that have good grammar and are well thought-out on an interenet forum!  Lol).  Your ex really lost a good thing, and it sounds like he’s starting to realize it!  You will find someone who is an equal to you, sooner than you expect!!  And at 24, you have plenty of time to be choosy.  If there’s anything my exes have taught me, it’s how to choose more wisely the next time around.  You have a bright future ahead of you, girly!

Post # 7
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

You know, if things were bad for a while its possible you just already grieved the loss, and that’s why you’re feeling acceptance already. 

I had a boyfriend from the age of 15-22 that I lived with for thesat year of our relationship.  Pretty sure we knew for at least 6 months we were going to break ip and were kinda just waiting for it to be “convenient” for one of us to move (we were in university, and working and our shared apartment was in a nice spot for ease of getting to school and who wants to move mid semester… so we kind of just lived like roommates/pretended everything was fine since it wasnt super bad either. I finished school and got a job about an hour away so I was the one who decided to move out.  And I distinctly remember not really caring that much.  In fact thn only thing I was “upset” about is that the progress in my video game was saved on his computer so I was going to have to start from level 1 again.

Post # 9
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

@SapphireSun:  Definitely echo the “already grieved the loss” sentiment – even though we were engaged, I know in my heart I didn’t want to be with my ex and kept imagining us breaking up and ending things over and over. When it finally came, it was a relief more than a blow.

Post # 10
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@angustia:  Haha, luckily a sequel was released shortly after, so I just started on the new game, and all problems were solved 😛  But yeah, definitely a sign that it was emotionally over before it officially ended.  There was no real sadness, or denial, just relief and minor practical annoyances.

Post # 11
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I always get a little sad when I leave our apartment!

When I left my ex-FI, the hardest thing for me was going to sleep at night! But I was the one who moved!

I’m sure you’ll move past this quickly! Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
6639 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

There have been times when I’ve felt exhilerated when a dying relationship finally ended and I had my freedom back.

 

 

 

I agree that it’s possible to have worked thru the painful feelings before the actual split.  And I also agree about some anxiety issues going on.

 

Keep talking about it and putting one foot in front of the other.

 

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