(Closed) Is this friendship worth more effort?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

Why did your boyfriend get mad that Anne and her partner had gone to your honeymoon destination? That’s weirdly possessive over a place.

Post # 4
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Leave her alone, she’ll eventually come around if she wants. In the meantime find another bridesmaid.

Post # 5
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have a hunch that the real problem here is the boyfriend…even though it’s secondhand info, he sounds like a jerk and I wouldn’t be surprised if he made a big deal about her going without him…especially since she seemed to be going out of her way to attend and very supportive of you in the beginning.

Realtionship stress can affect friendships…my FI and I have been going through a lot financially lately, which as had a negative impact on all the other areas of our life together, and I have found myself pulling away from everyone else, because I don’t want to talk about it and have poeple think that that things are worse than they are. I feel like a horrible friend for it, and my friends are responding by not seeking me out anymore either, which makes everything worse.

I wouldn’t give up on her just yet. Is there a way you can make an effort to visit her department and see if you can talk to her about how she’s doing? You can only do so much, but it sounds like things changed suddenly, so I would try again a few times to connect with her and get to the heart of the problem.

Post # 6
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

You don’t own that place, and it’s not like they were even there at the same time… That’s unreasonable. It sounds like she wanted to go to the wedding, but then you just let the ball drop. If you want to continue to be friends, she didn’t do anything wrong. She already told you she was scheduled to work, but then you stopped contacting her and talking to her, so why would she still have someone cover for her? It’s really up to you, but it doesn’t sound like you were very good friends to begin with and your relationship will probably stay casual regardless.

ETA I don’t think it sounds like her boyfriend did anythign wrong either. You know he has a busy work schedule and probably wouldn’t be able to come. The only thing either of them is guilty of is not being attached to their phones constantly, so they didn’t return your text right away.

Post # 7
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’ve made a number of overtures, and it hasn’t worked.  Any more effort on your part and you’re just setting yourself up for a let down.

The ball is in her court now. I’d leave it as is.

Post # 9
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@auroraborealis:  I just meant when you were out of contact with each other for a few months, and you didn’t say that you were trying to contact her then. She probably felt after that that you were only trying to contact her about wedding stuff.

That’s just the impression I got from your post, so I’m sorry if I got it wrong- I didn’t mean to offend you. If she’s not responding to your efforts, she might have already made the decision for you.

Post # 12
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@auroraborealis:  I know exactly what you mean. It’s not an easy situation to be in for anyone. I just saw a parallel for what I was going through, and offered that perspective. It’s not the best way to handle stress, but it happens to people all the time. I’ve been on both sides. I have gone months and months without hearing from friends only to have them snap out of their funk and start calling again. I’m definitely a ‘pick up where we left off’ kind of person.

If you now realize that you have done all you can do and feel the need to let it go, then that’s what is best for you. 

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