Weddingbee boards

Ok, I have been racking my brain trying to come up with ways to get an accurate count for our DW. As many of you know, people feel obligated to tell you that they will come to your wedding because they want to be polite. However, our wedding and reception is at the Wynn in Las Vegas, and politeness will cost us a fortune! We want people to be sure, so I comprised this letter to go on our website. Please tell me what you think of it. I will accept brutal honesty here. I would rather have my feeling hurt here than offend my guest. I just know how people can be and to not know who will be coming to my wedding for sure will drive me CRAZY! I would be much better if my wedding wasn't a DW. A few more or less people wouldn't make a huge difference, but we have already had to change our venue because the waterfall at the Bellagio was too small to accomodate the preliminary "Yes, I am coming to your wedding" responses from the STD's! I just don't want to male accomadations for people who will not come to my wedding, and I want to take extra special care of those that do come. Please let me know if this letter does the job:

Our wedding venue requires a final count by April 1, 2012. In order for us to have an accurate final count, we need to be sure of who will be coming to our wedding. In order to be sure that you will be in attendance, we will require a commitment of $50.00 from you that will act as your place holder. Once you are in Vegas, we will happily return the money to you. Please try to understand that because this is a destination wedding, final numbers need to be accurate. In order to avoid the usual ”You know I’ll be there’s”,  we need something that will more or less guarantee your presence. We both understand if you cannot make it; however, we need to avoid people saying that they will come simply because they believe it is what we want to hear. A final note is to stress that the money is not refundable if you choose to not come to Vegas. Once again, we are trying to avoid a lot of back and forth. We figure that if the money is non- refundable, everyone will be 100% sure that they will come before they commit to paying the money. Thank you so much for understanding, and we look forward to you helping us celebrate the beginning of our lives together.

@msfahrenheit: Agreed.

If I was your guest and choose to go (which I probably would not) I would tell you to keep the $50 as your gift. In other words give less than I otherwise would have.

I'm not sure how to say it tackfully, but maybe you can ask that your guest confirm that they have flights and hotel reservations?

I think that's rude, and if I received something like that I'd be pretty peeved. I mean, presumably you know these people right? So presumably they'd be upfront with you? I can't imagine that anyone we're inviting would say yes just for the sake of it, then decide nearer the time not to bother coming; if you genuinely believe some of your guests might do this, I would question why you're inviting them.

That said I do understand your worries. But I would handle it very differently. I would personally phone people who have RSVP'd yes to double-check. Keep it light and breezy, something like 'We're so glad you can make it, just double-checking that you still can, as it's costing us a lot of money so we're really worried about people saying yes then not showing up; I hope you understand'. That way people know it is expensive, and know you are on a budget, and will hopefully take the hint if they are in two minds about coming, and give you a definite answer. Similarly, if they subsequently find they can't make it, hopefully they'll give you enough notice so you might be able to cancel their place/invite someone else.

Ok, I am glad I posted this first then. I appreciate everyone's honestly. I swear, the bee saves me every time! I will forgo this on our wedding website. My dad and mom thought the non refundable part was a good idea. They are paying so I went along with it. I am so glad I came here first! I do not want to offend our guests at all. I did invite my true blue friends and family, but so many others have invited themselves. If they come, then I want to pay for them. I just know things are getting out of control as far as our guestlist, and I don't know what to do! I can't, nor do I want to tell people not to come to Vegas. I just don't know what to do. My anxiety level is rising, and I would appreciate any advice on what to do.

Thanks again for everyone's honestly, I will willingly accept all of it.

I would also find it rude.  I would have to read it a few times to make sure I understood it correctly and then bring it to the bee to ask if it was appropriate.

Lots of people plan destination weddings without requiring a deposit from their guests.  If you send out that letter, you are guaranteed to have a small wedding.

no!!! sorry! i understand that you need a final head count, but i'd do it on a one-on-one basis with people to see if they're actually coming. you can explain to them the seriousness of the situation in person or over the phone.

you can't ask people for money, even if you plan on returning it.

Please, no one needs to apologize for being harsh. I am not offended at all. I brought it here for a reason. I don't want to offend my guests. I showed my other friends and FI, and everyone though it was a great idea! I wasn't sure so sure, which is I am here. I have gotten some good ideas and constructive criticism, and I am very appreciative.

I like the idea of one-on-one very much! I can employ that. The itinerary confirmation is also really good.

@bells:

We are having under 50 guests. All are extremely close friends or immediate family. The ONLY way we will get no-shows is if people are sick; none of our guests would RSVP yes and not show. So I disagree. If you are inviting 100 plus and aren't close to all of them, that's different; we are inviting extra guests to the evening reception and I do expect a few no shows there. But no way would our day guests do that; and TBH I wouldn't invite people who might just decide not to show up

I am agreeing with the many PPs here, I would be very offended if I had to give a depost to attend your wedding.  

People should not be inviting themselves to your wedding; stick to your guest list. 

@stillme:

A fortune because we are paying for one night of hotel accommodations for our guests. We are not sure how we are going to present it. We toyed around with just handling it thought the hotel directly, visa gift cards...clearly we need something that we won't lose if they don't show. Never-the-less we are budgeting for this. We are also paying for gift baskets, and a cabana at the rooftop of the Cosmopolitan hotel, invitations that are going to be around 9 dollars a piece, and a few other incidentals... My parents are paying for the lion's share of it.Many things that will require beforehand purchasing, or down payments.

I honestly don't think people won't show maliciously, I just feel that people say that they will come in order to make you happy. I feel as if my friends and family are good people, I just know many of them are flaky. My anxiety level is through the roof, and I was just looking for a way to have something under control. Clearly that was the wrong way to go about it. However, it is a work in progress, and I am not too proud to admit that I am wrong, and go right back to the drawing board.