Is this how men truly think?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What do you think about this writer's opinion on successful wives?
    He's a misogynist dickhead. : (12 votes)
    16 %
    He is absolutely correct. : (42 votes)
    57 %
    He may have some valid points. Expand below in comments. : (20 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6507 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Uhhhh what? How is the writer of this a jack ass? Why wouldn’t a man want a smart wife? I certainly want a smart husband. I personally would not want to work my whole life so my SO can sit around and get their hair and nails done.

    ETA: The jack asses in this article are the guys who have low sef esteem because their wives are smart.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think that the fact that the author also writes for “Total Frat Move” is a bit of a clue… 😉

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I don’t get it. The article seems very positive/affirming to me…

    Post # 6
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @MrsBeck:  The article does give the impression that smart and successful women are to be primarily valued for the benefits they bring to their husbands, like increasing their husband’s reputation and their husband’s prestige and protecting their husband’s future prospects.  There’s little indication in this piece that these women are to be valued for themselves or that they have a right to expect someone to care about their reputation, prospects, etc. as well.  It’s a bit…instrumentalist, I suppose. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    641 posts
    Busy bee

    @MarriedToMyWork:  This. I think the writer was under the impression he was being a female ally with this piece, but a lot of it had the vibe of “My trophy is more cool than your trophy! My trophy has ______ additional benefits!” But again, I truely do feel the author was under the impression he was being encouraging to sucessful women, and I think your husband was trying to do the same.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @azzie17:  I share your anxieties; the majority of this piece does not give the impression that positive qualities in women are to be valued because they make women good friends, or provide good character, but because they make these women more useful to a man who wishes to advance in the world.

    Post # 10
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @azzie17:  Exactly. It is a partnership. Which is why your husband wants you out there pulling your own weight just like he has to do. Him working while you stay home and “paint [your] nails” is the exact opposite of a partnership.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6507 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @missmess:  +1

    Well said. I think the OP just doesn’t like this article because it’s pointing out the benefits of a working, smart, sucessful woman and the OP wants to stay at home and paint her nails.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1175 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @azzie17:  I think the problem I had with this article is.  We are all different.  We all have a different expectation of happinesss.  And while this may work for some, this would never work in our relationship.

     

    I grew up in a home where my mother was a stay at home mom.  And by no means did she paint her nails each day.  She was not the beauty queen.  She was just an average woman, with a husband, and 3 kids.

     

    Fastforward to today.  I spent my first 17 years of parenthood alone.  Raising those children on my own.  I have my own career, he has his career.  How my fiance treats me (and I treat him) I think is based on a mutual understanding of some very simple ideals.

     

    1.  We respect that the other wants to work.  We do not expect the other to attain certain career goals, because one or the other has an ego attatched to how well the other is doing.

     

    2.  Finances, are a shared responsibility.  There is not one who is the bread winner.  We both contribute to our future.  And on most days it is not always equally.

     

    3.  Planning our future, is a team effort.  He is older than I am, so I have excepted the fact that I will be in the workforce longer than he will.  

     

    4.  Sharing.  We share in the difficlut struggles, and celebrate the victories together.  Whether it be financial stuggles, or personal.  We allow the other to be where we are.

     

     

     

    I cannot form an honest opinon about the article.  This may be how it is for some couples.  I think if your husband is feeling this is something he desires.  Then he should make sure that you and he are on the same page.  And have the same goals.  I am in agreement with you…..I have many more years to go until I retire.

    ETA  Staying at home is not ever a bad thing.  But I think this is something that both parties are needing to be in agreement on.

     

     

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @MrsBeck:  As a woman who holds a terminal degree and works 60+ hours a week I also found this piece to be incredibly offensive and demeaning.  Like @Bracelet00:  said, I think this author thought he was being a friend to women, but he really did miss the mark, IMO.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6507 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think the problem here is how OP addressed this article. If she had originally said that she would “rather not think that her entire existance as merely to provide benefits to her husband” I would have looked at this article differently. The fact that she approached it by talking about how jealous she is that her friends stay at home makes me think she was looking at this article differently.

    OP- there is nothing wrong with a man who wants his wife to work. How would you feel if your husband wanted to stay home while you worked?

    Post # 16
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @MrsBeck:  Completely agree.

    The one thing I think a lot of PPs are missing here is that this article wasn’t written with them in mind as an audience. The intended audience of this article is clearly other men who might have the “I need a trophy wife” mentality (OP’s friend’s husbands, perhaps?). It was written to show them, in their own language, why merely shooting for a trophy wife isn’t the best idea. It was NOT written for OP (or, I would venture, any of us) to convince us to turn away from the path of becoming a trophy wife.

    So to those of you that are getting all up in arms about it. Come on. High school English here. Audience matters 🙂

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