Is this just an innocent crush or something I should be concerned about?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

First, do NOT talk to Kacey…this has ‘nothing’ to do with her 🙂

Regardless of whether it is innocent or not, or you blowing it out of proportion or not, it is something you are feeling, and those feelings need to be communicated to your SO right away.  And is not asking a question of ‘do you have a crush on her?’, which provides you with an yes or no response, but it is talking about how you are feeling, and letting him respond/react to those feelings.  Give concrete examples, and tell him I feel THIS when you do THAT! 

In my own personal history, I found that when I was ‘jealous’, I had reason(s) to be, whether it was good/bad/indifferent.  I think it is a REAL emotion, and not a ‘she is crazy’ emotion.  MAYBE, just maybe, your feelings are coming out of your insecurities, but that does not mean he gets to ‘play’ on those by showing ‘interest’ in another woman. 

Post # 4
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@EmilyInIdaho:  You aren’t blowing anything out of proportion, in fact, you seem to be handling it rationally and calmly, which is good.

But you do need to talk with him about this.  Stay calm, but ask what his special interest is in her.  And ask how he would feel if you took this much of a special interest in one of his friends. 

The only way he’s going to become aware of his actions and how they are affecting you is to generate the same emotion in him, as in getting him to really understand how he would feel under the exact same circumstances you’re in.

Post # 5
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012
Post # 6
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@EmilyInIdaho:  don’t talk to kacey – this isn’t her problem at all and will make things SO awkward. 

 

don’t ask him straight out – say something like, ‘you weren’t acting like yourself last night – it felt like you were trying to impress kacey. it hurt my feelings that you chose her as your partner and then acted that way’ and see what he says etc. 

asking open ended questions like that is the best way to hear what he has to say, don’t ask something that can be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’

Post # 7
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I agree w. Sunfire. And if my SO chose to be partners with someone (a chick no less) who wasn’t me (if I was there – were you there?), I think I would blow a fuse.

Post # 8
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@OUgal0004:  +1,000

 

@EmilyInIdaho:  I don’t think your concern is coming out of nowhere. Even if it is innocent in that nobody would cross that line from having the crush into bas territory, this is hurting your feelings & it would hurt mine too.

In the meantime, I hate that you are having insecurity problems. Perhaps you could work on that by getting back into the shape you feel best at. This is not to appease your FI, but to give you the confidence that you deserve to be admired for physical reasons. I recently lost 15lbs, and I feel quite a bit better. What I feel has nothing to do with my FI being attacted to me, it’s about feel worthy of being called beautiful. You deserve to feel that way too.

Post # 9
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow! You are a way better person than me. If DH had a crush on someone, I would have a SERIOUS issue with that!

But I probably wouldn’t talk to Kasey about it.

Post # 10
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If I were you, I would stop hanging out with her ASAP. Not only is he definitely behaving like he is into her but he is also being rude to you by making it so obvious. Nip it in the bud now and let him know that it’s unacceptable behaviour. 

Before anyone thinks I am being unreasonable, I know it’s normal to for husbands and wives to be attacted to other people, but as soon as they start to act on the behaviour at all, it needs to stop. It’s hurtful and it will only lead to trouble in the end. 

Post # 13
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

First let me say that I’m sorry that you are having to deal w this.  I give you a huge amount of credit because if my SO chose another girl to be his partner ( unless I didn’t want to participate or there was a rule against couples being partners ) I would be pissed.  Running inside to get A sweatshirt seems absurd , does he do stuff like thst for you or others? Not being affectionate around her is a huge red flag to me.  Do they text or talk privately outside of your group activities ?

you definitely need to loose this girl and stop inviting her to your house. If she’s invited by someone else who’s planning something that’s one thing but I can’t imagine her being in my house if I was in your shoES.

As PP mentioned, sit him down and say thst his recent behavior is making you very uncomfortable and that you feel that there may be underlying reasons for his actions.  I’m sure he will get defensive and it may be a difficult conversation but you can’t let this fester 

Post # 14
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This may sound stupid but FI’s hoodies are either on his body or my body, I don’t even know how to explain but the hoody thing would bother me the most, wasn’t there one of your jackets she could use???  But ANYWAYS this behavior is not ok, you really need to talk to him.  Don’t attack him or anything just explain your feelings and how you don’t appreciate him acting this way towards another woman.  He shouldn’t care if another woman isn’t going to be there, he may be friends with her but he shouldn’t be disappointed if she isn’t there.  How long has he known her?  Was he always like this towards her or was it just recently?  If it was just recently I would straight up say him, I feel like you are acting like towards her because of my recent weight gain.  Don’t let him beat around the bush, everything needs to come out when you talk to him.

Post # 16
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@EmilyInIdaho:  She took it home??? Ugh that would make me so mad!!  I’m sorry 🙁 all this sucks, your FI needs to get stuff figured out, he should not be doing this to you.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors