Post # 1
I recently got married and my husband is great however his family is a different story. I have had problems with his mom since like a year ago, luckily we keep it down and it is hard to tell. His brother Kal has a girlfriend named Katie whom everyone in the family despises except his mom, this girl has managed to be mean to absolutely everyone. Anyways although I had my problems with this girl and his mom clearly favoritized her, I chose to be the bigger person and ignore it. I am an artist and after Katie added me on facebook and saw some of my work all of a sudden she was one too(Shes pretty good, I may add) for christmas his mom gave me clothes that were two sizes too small(its obvious im not a small) and a boring book, yet gave Katie paints and artistic stuff and then looked at me and said “Dont you paint too?” even though I’m the actually professional artist. I said nothing of course and luckily didnt feel too bad about the gift since I already owned all the items given to Katie. When the real drama started was the next day when the parents left to go to store, Kal was outside and my husband and I were in a room across the house.We overheard Katie yelling at my husbands 6 year old niece Lily, she had lily in a room with the door closed because she was “changing her” and was her exact words to the lily were “hurry up, you need to get dressed go outside and leave me the hell alone”. Even though No one asked her to change Lily especially since Lily can change herself and does it everyday. I wanted to say something but my husband told me not to since Katie is half deaf and it may seem like I was “picking on her” luckily Lily told her parents herself. Fast forward to 4th of july, my mother in law now sees the monster Katie is and constantly talks bad about her while being bffs with her. That day I was asked to watch Lily at the family home by myself since her parents were at work and at school, Katie invited herself over, the proceeded to say in front of Lily that “Lily’s mom must not want her since we have to take care of her all the time” (Lilys mom hates Katie and has never asked her to watch Lily) I quickly redirected Lily to a different area of the home because I did not want Katie to say anything else that may hurt Lily. later that day Katie came up to me and was speaking ill of Lily (saying things like Lily is a spoiled brat, she is so annoying she gets on my last nerve) so I got angry and told her to please refrain from doing so atleast around the Lily since she was old enough to understand and tell her parents about it like she had done last christmas. Katie started saying Lily was a liar, that she had never yelled at her, I told her I heard her as well as my husband so just do us a favor and treat the child well. I told her everything in a calm matter but Katie got overly angry. After this my brother in law hates me he even tried to tell me that Katie was not in control of what she did or said because she was half deaf (having a best friend that is fully deaf I knew this was BS), and his mom tried to convince people that maybe I misunderstood Katie and that in fact she was not picking or being mean to Lily (although other family members have seen her say things about Lily including Lily’s parents). Katie called his cousins and told them I was a mean horrible person so when they finally met me at my wedding they were jerks and my bridesmaids caught them laughing at me. I am tired of his family, every boyfriend I had previous to my husband had families that loved me (in fact many are still in contact with me and even sent a wedding gift) so I do not understand why this is happening I had never experienced it. Please give me your thoughts on this.
Should I plan on staying away from his family because I do not seem to understand their dynamic, I am good friends with the rest of my husbands family like his step father, father, step mom, and his sisters. (all of which Katie has been horrible to) but I obviously their brother is more important so I know if Kal continues to be mad at me and their mom continues to be on Katies side they may be forced to go on the side everyone else is on. I dont know really. I just need your opinions and help sorry for long rant.
Post # 2
Anyway, from what I understand, you did the right thing. Protecting a child comes ahead of manners. If you see Katie mistreating Lily, well who cares about the manners, you’ve got to protect Lily. Katie had no business changing a child who wasn’t her own – you should have told Lily’s parents immediately.
You can’t control your husband’s cousins, but you have every right to be very angry at your bridesmaids. Are you sure they (the bridesmaids) were laughing at you, and it wasn’t all a bit of fun? I think you should talk to your BMs about what happened.
Finally, there is one important detail mostly absent from your post: where is your husband in all this? He can’t do much about Katie, but he should be defending you to his mother and to his brother. An in-law problem is usually really a husband problem. Is your husband sticking up for you?
Post # 3
aussiemum1248: I spoke to the girls about this earlier to they, My bridesmaids said his cousins who were a table away were looking at me then laughing and whispering things to each other. Although you bring up a good point, they had other “behaviors” that were odd, in our wedding pictures one had to be next to me and she is about a mile away from my side, and not smiling.
My husband was not sticking up for me at first but after explaining to him that I was ready to call it quits he spoke to his mother who claimed to have to stay neutral through all this since everyone hates Katie and it seems to be driving Kal away.
Kal does not speak to my husband about it, never brings it up and they get along well. He basically just complains to his mom about me and she feels the need to act upon it. (his sisters told me this)
Post # 4
(I see this post is duplicated. I wrote on the other post but I’ll write it on this one too)
You didn’t do anything wrong. And this is so funny that they are excusing Katie’s behavior on being half deaf. Being deaf does not affect your thinking process and she is well aware of what she’s doing and saying. I always read post like this about the gf/fi/wife not getting along with in laws or having drama with them, but always fails to mention what their SO is doing to help the situation. Isn’t your DH doing anything about it? He should be standing up for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t understand how they are not seeing how this girl is and defending her. Maybe your DH should say something and it’s OK if you want to keep your distance from them.
It’s OK that you told Katie something, since she was directly telling you these awful things, but now maybe you should just stay clear from her and hopefully in time they see what she’s doing and the mother of the child or even father says something to her or kicks her to the curb.
Post # 5
Embrace paragraphs and avoid stream of consciousness type of writing. Get to the point quickly.
This is the fourth time I’ve said this recently. You’re not all the same person are you?
Post # 6
Supersleuth: How is this helpful? If you don’t appreciate the way she is writing, go to another thread.
Post # 7
I would have smacked her a loooong time ago. Good for you for being the bigger person as it seems to be the only option. Just continue to be nice to his family and you should win them over eventually it just may take longer. Distancing yourself might just give them more fuel against you.
Post # 8
I don’t think you did anything wrong, and when it’s in Lily’s presence, you do have to speak up (though sending Lily out of the room first was a good move!).
When it’s not in the child’s presence (or really, the presence of whatever person Katie is disparaging), it might help to, instead of getting angry, simply saying mildly, “Really? She/he doesn’t seem like that to me. I like her/him.” It (should) give her a clue that you won’t be receptive to her malicious gossip without giving her a reason to be angry since it doesn’t include criticism of her.
For the other family members, I would continue to stay in touch with the ones you get along with, and continue to be nice and friendly to the others. If they’re worth a relationship with, they will take time to get to know you aside from Katie’s opinions; if they don’t, you’re not missing out on much.
Has your DH spoken to Kal about his anger at you on Katie’s behalf? Sorry you have to deal with this.
Post # 9
MrsJX3: Recently there have been a number of different posts with different user names but written in very similar styles in terms of tone, phrasing, names, structure, sentence length, paragraphing and purpose. (I work with writers and so I’m used to evaluating these things.) There are some other similarities too.
One possible reason for this is simple coincidence and this does happen but the greater the number of similar posts the less likely this becomes. Another reason is the use of a particular style encourages other people to emulate that style. One life story begets another. A third reason is there is one person writing under different user names. This sometimes happens on websites such as ours.
I am going to assume that it is simple coincidence and apologize to the OP for any offence caused.