Is this my fault or what?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Paragraphs, please!

Anyway, from what I understand, you did the right thing. Protecting a child comes ahead of manners. If you see Katie mistreating Lily, well who cares about the manners, you’ve got to protect Lily. Katie had no business changing a child who wasn’t her own – you should have told Lily’s parents immediately.

You can’t control your husband’s cousins, but you have every right to be very angry at your bridesmaids. Are you sure they (the bridesmaids) were laughing at you, and it wasn’t all a bit of fun? I think you should talk to your BMs about what happened.

Finally, there is one important detail mostly absent from your post: where is your husband in all this? He can’t do much about Katie, but he should be defending you to his mother and to his brother. An in-law problem is usually really a husband problem. Is your husband sticking up for you? 

Post # 4
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

(I see this post is duplicated. I wrote on the other post but I’ll write it on this one too) 

 You didn’t do anything wrong. And this is so funny that they are excusing Katie’s behavior on being half deaf. Being deaf does not affect your thinking process and she is well aware of what she’s doing and saying. I always read post like this about the gf/fi/wife not getting along with in laws or having drama with them, but always fails to mention what their SO is doing to help the situation. Isn’t your DH doing anything about it? He should be standing up for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t understand how they are not seeing how this girl is and defending her. Maybe your DH should say something and it’s OK if you want to keep your distance from them. 

It’s OK that you told Katie something, since she was directly telling you these awful things, but now maybe you should just stay clear from her and hopefully in time they see what she’s doing and the mother of the child or even father says something to her or kicks her to the curb. 

Post # 5
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

Embrace paragraphs and avoid stream of consciousness type of writing.  Get to the point quickly.

 

This is the fourth time I’ve said this recently.  You’re not all the same person are you?

Post # 6
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Supersleuth:  How is this helpful?  If you don’t appreciate the way she is writing, go to another thread.  

Post # 7
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would have smacked her a loooong time ago. Good for you for being the bigger person as it seems to be the only option. Just continue to be nice to his family and you should win them over eventually it just may take longer. Distancing yourself might just give them more fuel against you.

Post # 8
Member
3874 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you did anything wrong, and when it’s in Lily’s presence, you do have to speak up (though sending Lily out of the room first was a good move!).

When it’s not in the child’s presence (or really, the presence of whatever person Katie is disparaging), it might help to, instead of getting angry, simply saying mildly, “Really? She/he doesn’t seem like that to me. I like her/him.” It (should) give her a clue that you won’t be receptive to her malicious gossip without giving her a reason to be angry since it doesn’t include criticism of her.

For the other family members, I would continue to stay in touch with the ones you get along with, and continue to be nice and friendly to the others. If they’re worth a relationship with, they will take time to get to know you aside from Katie’s opinions; if they don’t, you’re not missing out on much.

Has your DH spoken to Kal about his anger at you on Katie’s behalf? Sorry you have to deal with this.

Post # 9
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

MrsJX3:  Recently there have been a number of different posts with different user names but written in very similar styles in terms of tone, phrasing, names, structure, sentence length, paragraphing and purpose.  (I work with writers and so I’m used to evaluating these things.)  There are some other similarities too.

One possible reason for this is simple coincidence and this does happen but the greater the number of similar posts the less likely this becomes.  Another reason is the use of a particular style encourages other people to emulate that style.  One life story begets another.  A third reason is there is one person writing under different user names.  This sometimes happens on websites such as ours.

I am going to assume that it is simple coincidence and apologize to the OP for any offence caused.

 

 

 

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