Post # 1
I have been with my SO for over two years. And for that time it has been an LDR due to his job. Yes he states he is planning on moving here and getting married. However this is my question: when we are together it is perfect. If we have a disagreement he works hard to make it better and for us to both understand. He knows when I’m unhappy and works hard to make me happy just as I do him. However, when apart he is distant and at times rude!! If he knows I’m upset about it he just quits. Hangs up and no text or call to fix it. Then I just get my good morning text as if nothing.
Is this normal? Like out of sight out of mind?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think that you both just have to work on your phone communication. Sometimes something that sounds concise in person sounds rude over the phone. Also, when you’re talking over the phone or skype, you don’t know if you have his full attention. He could be reading an article, or watching TV. Distracted doesn’t necessarily mean emotionally unavailable. It’s a lot easier to just hang up the phone during an argument than it is to leave the argument in person, and a lot of men feel helpless when their girlfriend gets upset.
I’m not blaming you for the problems, but if you want him not to hang up on you when you’re upset, maybe you have to work on how you come off when you argue over the phone. Unless it’s a really big deal, don’t freak out because it’s really hard to resolve things long distance (I know, I did it for 5 years.) Have you spoken to him about what makes him hang up on you and that it hurts you when he does that in a calm manner, outside of an argument? You might find that there are specific triggers to him doing these things.
IMO being in an LDR can help a great deal in improving a couple’s communication. You really need to communicate, though, and not just get upset.
Post # 4
When my SO and I were long distance last summer, we had WAY more disagreements than when we got to see eachother more often. Most of our problems were from miscommunication through texts though. As long as we were able to work it out through talking to each other, we could hear the tone of voice and read each others emotions a lot better.
Have you talked about it with him? Does he acknowledge and see that it is a problem? Sometimes you can figure out what triggers the fights and then you could work together on better ways to over come them.
I guess I would try to see if the episodes are related to anything specific, or also how frequent they are and then go from there.
Post # 5
Most of our “disagreements” are over communication. The way he talks to me when we do talk. I am a bit older than him so I’m not sure if its an age thing, distance thing, out of sight out of mind, or all. This has really been our only issue I other than the distance for the majority of the relationship so he is aware. It has moved to the point that I just don’t defend any more and just tell him good bye when he is done. Tired of repeating my needs.
Thank you for your advise. I always welcome constructive criticism.