Is this normal?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you check your guys cellphone? does he mind?
    No I don't check, but he wouldn't mind : (146 votes)
    51 %
    Yes, I sometimes check, but he doesn't mind : (70 votes)
    25 %
    I don't check, but he would mind it : (54 votes)
    19 %
    Yes, I sometimes check, he does mind it. : (15 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11300 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t unless he asks me to. I voted that he would mind, only because his ex used to obsessively get into his phone, email, etc. and he HATED that.

    ETA: Also, it’s rude to just get into someone’s phone without asking. I’d be upset if he just randomly started looking through my phone.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I check his phone, but not from being suspicious or anything, just from being bored and inquisitive by nature. He doesn’t care. I think it’s because we both know that if we wanted to cheat, we’d never know as we are both smart enough to do it without getting caught. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Everyone is entitled to privacy. If you trust him, you wouldn’t need to feel reassured. Even if I have nothing to hide, I wouldn’t appreciate my DH going through my texts.  He doesn’t need to read my private conversations with friends and/or family.  If my friend texts ME something, she expects I am the person reading it, not DH and I.  It’s a breach of trust on the part of your friends when someone else reads those messages intended for you.

     

    I have never read my DHs texts. He allows me to use his phone if I need to for some reason but I’d never take that opportunity to read his private messages.

     

    You don’t need to share EVERYTHING with your partner.  It’s okay to have some privacy.  It doesn’t mean your hiding something or being shady.

    FWIW – I have been in relationships where I felt the need to, and did check the other person’s phone.  It’s not an indication of a healthy relationship built on trust. 

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee

    @lsimpson:  I voted that I don’t check but he wouldn’t mind. HOWEVER, I would mind him checking mine, although he doesn’t. Not because I’m cheating or have anything to hide per se, but because sometimes I talk to my girlfriends about personal stuff that I wouldn’t talk to him about.

    I don’t need him finding my last message about menstrual cramps and how much chocolate I ate in bed the other night! lol

    Post # 7
    Member
    3128 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I get annoyed when DH reads over my shoulder or looks when I leave my phone on the counter or something. I have nothing to hide but he also has no reason to snoop. I am trying to be more patient because he doesn’t have FB so he likes to see what is going on in everyone’s lives through me but argh it annoys me.

    I used to peek at his phone when we first started dating 9 years ago. Now I know I have no reason to so I don’t.

    Post # 8
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I voted that I do and he wouldn’t mind, but I only check it when he gets a text message and he’s too far away to get it. I didn’t at first, but he kept saying “Will you read it for me?” so that now I just check it for him and deliver the message to him (most of the time yelling from the other room). If he’s right there, I just hand him the phone. 

    He always knows when I’m looking at his phone and what I’m looking at, and I never do it without his knowledge.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    We don’t look at each other’s phones unless asked to do something specific. I think he would mind if I just browsed through it. I would if he did, also. Not for cheating reasons, but just for privacy’s sake…who knows what nonsense I’m talking with my girlfriends about?

    Post # 11
    Member
    4601 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I voted no that I don’t check, because I don’t check of my own accord. I have looked at a text or answered a call if he’s asked me to do so. He wouldn’t mind if I did check, but it’s just not something I do for fun.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    We answer each other’s phones and read each other’s text messages. I.E., one of us is in the shower; phone goes off; the non-showering party will answer/read text.

    If I was just randomly reading through all of his text messages, he wouldn’t get angry, but it would be weird. He probably wouldn’t say anything about it, though.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3633 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My husband’s line of work involves client confidentiality and because his phone gets texts and emails from his clients, I do not go through his phone. That being said, if that were not the case, I would be able to go through them.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MsW-to-MrsM:  +1

    @lsimpson:  Like the above-tagged poster, we use eachothers phones like they were our own. Not opening the other persons messages and reading through them, but if my phone rings and he’s closer to it (and knows who’s calling) he’ll answer it, and if his texting goes off and he says “see who that is. If it’s Frank, text him back” I will.

    I’m not sure how I’d react in your situation, as it would be super out of character for my boyfriend to not let me see his phone…since he’s the one asking me to answer it in the first place.

     

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @vorpalette:  +1

    His reaction is normal, I think.  It seems he feels like you checking his phone means you don’t trust him, which is kind of insulting.  It would piss me off if my FI felt like he needed to do this with me.  

    Does he give you reasons to make you feel like you have to check his phone for inappropriate text messages, emails, etc.?  Have you found anything suspicious before when you did check in on him?  If so, then I would reevaluate why you’re with him since he wouldn’t be trustworthy and therefore, not worthy of your time or energy.  If not, I’d lay off since he obviously sees this as one, an invasion of privacy, and two, a sign that you may not trust him. 

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @lsimpson:  I needed a “yes, I check whenever I feel like it, which may be once every few weeks or everyday, but he knows and doesn’t care” option. He gave me some flack about privacy in the beginning and I say privacy is for people with something to hide. Well after he gave me flack he accidentally left his FB logged on in his phone one night and went to sleep. And guess what? He was hiding something! (in case you’re wondering it was inapporpriate conversations with girlS (plural), inappropriate for a man in a relationship anyway) So after a lengthy argument and just about break up he promised to knock that off. And he did. And I am only comfortable trusting him now because he doesn’t hide his phone or his FB. I even know his password. He gave it to me just to prove that he wasn’t hiding anything. Right after the fact of finding out that he was hiding something I checked him out almost every day. Now (a year later) I go weeks without ever thinking about it. If he had continued to rant about his privacy we would not be in a relationship now.

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