Post # 1
I’m not sure if it’s just nerves, but we’re less than a month away from getting married and when I’m not excited, I’m scared. This is a huge decision and I can’t help but think of the statistics about marriage and some of our differences. I think I’m terrified that we’ll get married and he’ll turn into a different person (ie, the person he really is and has been hiding for the past two years). We’re both stubborn and hard headed and I don’t want to get married and divorced. i feel like we’re not going to work let’s break up before we get married and I’m feeling kind of lonely. But at the same time, my gut is telling me that I’ve just got cold feet. Does anyone else feel this way? Is this normal?
Post # 3
I think this totally normal, especially if you have had a not so great relationship in the past.
These thoughts have crossed my mind as well, just b/c we agreed we would not move in with each other until we get married. So there’s always that question will we live well with each other? But at the end of the day I know that we truly love each other and if we can make it through his deployment we can make it through anything.
Just try not to let your mind get the best of you. ((((hugs))))
Post # 4
Your post concerns me. You reference “differences” – what are you talking about? If there is a huge issue looming over your relationship, you need to work through it now.
You also said you are both stubborn and hard headed. Are you both able to put your pride aside and work out arguments? Or do you both stick to your guns based on principal?
Have you attended pre-marital counseling? If not, you should look into it. I think it will really help you in the long run.
Post # 5
It sounds pretty normal to me. I know I’ve been worried about divorcing too, I think with the way the stats are its hard not to!
Post # 6
I had no qualms or second thoughts or cold feet about marrying my husband. I was 100% sure it was the right decision.
While we never have fights where we yell at each other, we have had arguments- always civil, never hurtful, always productively resolved. We spoke at length about our feelings regarding divorce.
We agreed ahead of time that the moment we didn’t look forward to coming home to the other person, or didn’t find each other a respite from the world, that we would go to couples therapy. While our relationship has been wonderful and easy so far, we know that might change and we don’t want to wait until we’ve grown apart or irreparably damaged our relationship before seeking help.
I always say to trust your gut feelings. If you are having doubts, you should talk to you FI about them. See how he is feeling. You should address each of your concerns before getting married. Pre-marital counseling (either through a religious organization or through a couples counselor) might be really worthwhile for you. It helps bring to light challenges you will face and discuss how to handle them. Working through those concerns might help put your mind at ease that you should be getting married- or it might help you to see that you and your FI need more time or aren’t meant to be together. In either case, it will help you make a well-informed decision.
Best of luck.
Post # 7
Thank you so much, ladies. I’ve just been overwhelmed and I think this morning was my breaking point. In addition to getting married, neither of us are happy with our jobs and are considering relocating. I think my overall stress level is exacerbating everything including my nerves.
Post # 8
Sounds pretty normal to me 🙂 Getting married is a *huge* deal! You might find reading The Conscious Bride helpful (there’s a website too) – it definitely helped me sort through some confusing feelings.
Post # 9
Every couple is different, as is every relationship. My FI and I sometimes fight – that is just a fact of a 5 1/2 year relationship! We’ve had some bad ones, but learned from those and talked through how to fight in later situations. It sounds silly, but has helped us a lot. We still bicker a lot though – but we avoid being hurtful, and have more of a playful banter.
That being said, I haven’t felt any non detail oriented anxiety, but I’m fairly certain that’s because we are practically married – we’ve lived together for about a year, and were together for 4 1/2 years before that. No surprises here!
Post # 10
it sounds normal to me. divorce has always been my biggest fear and when i freakout after we have a disagreement and start worrying about how we will make it work once we are married, i take time just to look into the man im marryings eyes and as soon as i hug him i realize i will do whatever it takes to keep us together forever and i know he will do the same. only you know in your heart if its right if your religious i recommend praying about it, knowing its in Gods plans for us has always eased my fears