Post # 1
I have a good friend who is engaged to a guy who I’m not a huge fan of. He acts in ways that I find pretty selfish. Obviously, my friend thinks that his good traits make up his bad traits and she seems pretty happy overall so I’m not meddling. But this might be coloring my perception of what I’m currently feeling annoyed about.
It seems like whenever we’re talking on the phone (which is only about once a month so phone time is precious to me) and he comes home, she has to hang up and talk to him for awhile. Half the time, she says she’ll call me back and doesn’t.
I’m wondering is it normal in relationships to expect that your S/O will drop whatever it is they have going on-even if it means being rude to someone else-the second you walk through the door? I don’t live with my S/O since we are LD, but if he calls me when I’m busy hanging out with someone else, he just tells me to have fun and say hi to whoever I’m with and he’ll talk to me later. It seems demanding to insist that your S/O drop a conversation they were previously engaged in to talk to you. But maybe it’s different when you live together?
Post # 3
It’s not normal. Not unless it’s an emergency or something. FH and I don’t live together, but we see each other every single day. I usually try to plan my things around his things so that his free time is our free time, but it’s not something he “requires” me to do.
Post # 4
I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for almost a year and I’ve never talked to her on the phone when she’s with him. Like not even in the same house. She won’t even answer the phone if she’s with him. I find it very strange. I understand if it’s during dinner or when you’re out, but I don’t think that’s the case every time I call her!
Post # 5
I don’t know that there’s a rule either way. It’s rude to hang up on someone in favor of someone else, but it’s also kinda rude to talk on the phone in front of someone I think (we have a small apartment, it can be frustrating to hear half of the conversation). So to think positively, it could be that she wants privacy of conversation with you.
Post # 6
If he is playing WoW or some other game, or watching TV or whatever, yes, he always drops it to come and chat with me. I don’t demand it, he just does it out of respect. But if he was on the phone with someone, I would absolutely not expect him to hop right off to make small talk with me (unless it was an emergency, or I had to tell him I was preggo, or something BIG like that!! Haha).
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Who is to say that her SO is the one who expects her to drop everything and talk to him? Has she actually told you this, or are you drawing your own conclusion based on her behavior?
When Mr. LK gets home from work, you’re darn skippy that I drop everything to greet him. It’s not because he expects me to, but because I am just thrilled to see him every night. My friends are great, but my husband and son always take precedence in my life.
Post # 8
It’s bizarre behavior. I live with my Fiance and if he get’s home and I’m on the phone he keeps himself busy til I’m available to chat he doesn’t demand I get off the phone, but sometimes I’m having a personal conversation I don’t want him to overhear so I would politely hang up (like when I was planning his 30th bday party).
Post # 9
Maybe this is something she has made the priority for herself. Some people get sucked up in their relationships. If he really is expecting that of your friend, then no I don’t find that normal.
Post # 10
OP, has she said to you that her Fiance expects it? Or are you just assuming that? Because in all likelihood she chooses to do it for herself, which is ok. If he is demanding it, no that’s not normal. But I think your feelings about him lead you to assume he is demanding it when he isn’t
Post # 12
@Jacqui90: Your right, I’m assuming because of my bias against this guy.
And I do have to admit that I didn’t talk much to friends during the three months my guy was visiting me (not ignoring them, but I wasn’t proactive about scheduling phone dates). But we hadn’t seen each other for nine months! And my friend has seen her Fiance almost everyday since they started dating, even before they moved in together.
Post # 13
If he comes home depressed, clearly pissed off, or clearly elated and excited, then I may be inclined to end my phone conversation to hear from my Fiance. But if it’s just a normal work day? No, I’ll finish up what I’m doing first, then spend some time with him. It certainly isn’t a requirement that I drop everything for him the moment he walks into the room. That’s a bit needy and controlling.
Post # 14
That’s just weird. He sounds controlling to me 🙁
Post # 15
I am not the center of his universe. It is unfair for me to expect him to sacrifice his life, friends and conversations so he can apply all his attention on me.
I will happily wait for his attention.
ETA: The reverse applies too. I will not drop everything for him, but I ususally excitedly greet him at the door. He is gone more than he is home, so our time together is scarce and precious.
Post # 16
Not normal. Neither myself nor my Fiance would expect the other to hang up as soon as we got home.