Post # 1
Hi bees! I’m just looking for some advice/input. DH and I have been together for 9 years now. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve managed to get him off with me on top in those 9 years. Our sex life is absolutely fantastic except for this and it honestly kills my self esteem a little bit. I don’t intiate as much as I would like to because I hate the fact that I can’t take full control and ‘finish’ him in this position.
They say practice makes perfect…well we’ve been ‘practicing’ for 9yrs and I’m not seeing any improvement! I just want to be a sex goddess, is that so much to ask?!
Please tell me I’m not the only one to have this issue. DH thinks that it somehow ties into the fact that he’s not in control when I’m on top. He definitely loves me being there, I just want to be able to bring him all the way while there!
Anyone else have this issue, or do I just suck in bed lol?
i meant to post this in intimacy…whoops!
Post # 3
@me9874: So he wants to be in control when you’re on top? He can do that. FI certainly manages. Otherwise, if he likes you being there and the only problem is being unable to finish in that position, why not just start there and then switch it up when you’re ready to stop? Honestly, it’s my favorite position to start with, but I hate ending in it. If that ends up being the case, he always takes control once he starts to get close. Basically, I hold myself up and he thrusts upward. He can control the speed, depth, move my hips as needed, etc. I’m just on top.
Post # 4
@HonoraryNerd: +1 I’ve never experienced anything other than what you’re describing, with DH or otherwise.
Post # 5
@HonoraryNerd: As of right now he does end up doing the work at the end to cimax. Basically he takes over while I just hang out up there. Don’t get me wrong; it’s still super enjoyable for me, I just wish he didn’t have to do any of the work sometimes. If I want to tie him up and take advantage of him for example; having to untie him so he can actually get off ruins it a little bit for me.
i just feel inadequate honestly. You’d think after 9yrs I’d have this on lock down!
Wow! If you guys could just ignore the glaring spelling mistakes that’d be great; pretty sure my phone is possessed.
Post # 6
FI can pretty much finish any which way you turn it. We’ve never really had a problem with that. Now me on the other hand…
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Dh & I haven’t been together nearly as long, but yeah the girl on top is mainly for me lol. He finishes as well but not usually maybe 60% of the time? Do you ask him what he’d like? Ex. Maybe go faster/ deeper etc or he just can’t since he’s not on top ? If I were in that situation I’d probably still go for tying him up, go on top , finish, then help him finish with a hand job or bj.. Then untie him. Tmi? Lol
Post # 8
@me9874: I’ve only managed that feat a couple of times, I think it is semi-normal, DH seems to have an easier time in other ways as well. It doesn’t really bug me though since I don’t like that position much lol (I’m the one that would prefer to be tied…)
My only advice would be to really work him up like crazy, to where just about anything would do the job? (That’s how it happened for me the once or twice it did.)
Post # 9
Thanks so much for all the input!!! It honestly makes me feel so much better to hear that this isn’t really that uncommon. Maybe I need to stop worrying about being able to get him off while on top and just focus on the fact that he enjoys it 🙂
Post # 10
My SO has a hard time finishing when I am on top also. I know exactly how you feel. Most of the time he is on top. Even when he is on top he will have difficulties finishing, me on the other hand… I finish too fast any which way! I am a lucky one.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
It’s actually more about anatomy, when you’re on top, it’s not hitting as many of the most sensitive spots, so it’s harder to finish.
Personally, I hate finishing there because I can never get the timing right. I prefer if DH takes control (even if it’s from the bottom) but I just don’t like being on top, I assumed it was because DH is the only guy I ever did that with, so I just didn’t have enough practice (with 7+ years together), but I guess it’s more common than I realized.
Post # 12
@me9874: If you think about what he does when he’s on top and racing for the finish line, you realize just how much sensation and movement a man typically likes and needs to get there. If I’m all done up there and we’re wearing out, I’ll grab the headboard, get off my knees and bring my feet up under his armpits, if I arch my back and ride Mr. 99 like Seattle Slew…he’s done for in about 45 seconds.
Post # 13
It depends. I know how to make him finish if I’m on top but it takes a lot of work on my half, I always end up so exhausted. My only suggestions *TMI* would be to work those hips, thrust and grind and dirty talk … never fails!
Post # 14
FI can only finish with me on top when he controls the movement. So (on the rare occasion) when we use that position, I get on top and lean forward, basically laying on top of him, so that we controls the speed and depth. He finishes very quickly that way. He enjoys it when I’m on top and controls the movement, but he can’t seem to finish that way, probably because I can’t go as fast as he needs me to (not for very long anyway).
Post # 15
He’s not the only one! What worked for us is to get him REAAAAALLY close to climaxing, and then I hop on top. It took a while, but now he can climax with me on top the whole time. It’s a pretty brutal leg workout though!
Post # 16
@me9874: FH rarely finishes this way – he hated it up until recently actually. He has a new love for it and we found the ‘magic position’ that makes it happen. (reverse cowgirl seems to be a winner – I’m not a fan but he loves it)