- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
What's her story? Did she not have enough time to plan the pre marriage events or was the ceremony supposed to be secret? Did they always plan to have a wedding after?
It is odd but maybe she figures since that they are doing the wedding that she should also do all the traditional pre wedding events.
The DW was the original plan and then out of nowhere she told me they wanted first to be married here. Not really sure why, didn't ask. The ceremony was not at all secret, all 500 of her closest facebook friends know about it :)
I think it may have been poor planning/not enough time/not really understanding how it's usually done.
@mrsmurraytobe: Totally agree. I don't find it odd, necessarily. She may not have had time before the legal ceremony. Either way, I would go and have fun! She probably just wants to have the traditional parties and such. Maybe her bridal party is also planning those events too, and it's not just her idea?
For me, a party's a party, no matter when it is!! :)
If they already had a ceremony, that seems kind of odd to me. I wouldn't really care if they have parties anyway, though!
It is odd too me, but I say it is her business and there might be a reason that she is doing these in this order. If she likes the idea of having a shower and bacheloretts party then she should have one.
The shower I think is fine, but I would be a bit skeezed out by the bachelorette thing. IMO she made her choice to waive the bachelorette when she wanted to get legally married in a hurry.
My bachelorette definitely didn't have the "let's celebrate your last night of being single" attitude, but I still would have felt a bit awkward if it had happened after I said my vows.
But to each his own, I guess.
If they were legally married but had not had a ceremony yet I could see it. But since she already had the ceremony it seems very odd.
Yes and no. I'm having a DW and getting married legally in the states beforehand, just because it's much easier than dealing with all the paperwork internationally. But I won't really consider myself married until we have our actual wedding. I'm planning on having the city hall civil ceremony within a couple weeks of the wedding, so regardless all of my events will be before I'm legally married.
However, there have been times when we have been tempted to sneak away to city hall and just get married right now. If that was the case, I would still want to have a bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. even if I was already legally married.
I think what's weird about this situation is that it sounds like she didn't just sneak over to city hall, but that she had an actual wedding ceremony. What was the ceremony like?
@linguo42: I kind of feel that way too. While I'm looking forward to going to both events the bachelorette is really the one that makes me feel awkward. Also, hi fellow linguist!
I agree with a lot of you, a party is a party and it is her choice. I still think it's odd timing. Also, there isn't really a bridal party. Some of us are just being asked to help because we're friends (and I'm happy to do so).
@SerenaSF: There were about 10 of us at the ceremony and then they had a small reception for about 20 people. It was essentially a very small wedding here.
Odd and IMO totally inappropriate (sorry). Married is married whether you did it in front of the minimum number of legally required witnesses at the court house or 500 guests at the swankiest place in town. Bridal showers and bachelorettes are by definition for, um, brides-to-be and bachelorettes. A married woman is neither.
I know I'm getting flamed for this, but it's how I feel.
I mean, I could plan a high school graduation party for the class of 2001 and if my friends and family were on board, more power to me, right? But it would be weird. That ship has sailed.
@sailor: When I first found out about it I actually felt the same way. I think with time I've just kind of stopped caring and decided to just be happy for her.
I think my frustration is really with the rest of the events leading up to this. There was never an invitation sent out, not even an evite. Instead I got texts and emails that my 5 year old nephew could have written. This DW is super expensive, about $2k each, money I do not have, nor would I ever spend to go to this location when it's summer here. I was pressured and somewhat attacked (not by her but a family member) for deciding not to attend the DW. However I made it very clear from the beginning that I wanted badly to be there but that I wasn't sure that I could due to finances and an already planned vacation.
Maybe she can invite her girlfriends over for a party at her new house or out to dinner to celebrate but I don't think it's appropriate to have a typical bachelorette party. Have they already had a reception? Maybe that could take the place of the shower?
@Ms. Martian: The more I learn the weirder I think it is. The fact remains that odd as it is, she is having these parties, and you can either boycott them or just be happy for her even though it is kind of annoying. I think you are doing the mature thing by just being happy for her. I wouldn't cancel any plans to attend them, but I think if you are able to make it you should try. Also, you should never be pressured to go to a DW, that sucks.
Personally - I find it weird and inappropriate, esspecially since they had an actual ceremony and reception for the first wedding (not just sign the paperwork as a formality).
I'd be more understanding if they HAD to get legally married early for military, health insureance, etc issues and so they just signed the paperwork and didn't have the ability to do the parties then. But it doesn't sound like that is the case here at all.
@sailor: Eh, if it was just legally, I'd feel differently. There are lots of reasons people get legally married before they can pull off a wedding and I think it's still acceptable in those cases to have a shower or a bachelorette. I, personally, will not consider myself married until I've said my vows under God with a pastor present, even if my FI and I do end up having to legally marry sooner.
(I realize that some people only do the courthouse part and then consider themselves married after that and that's fine for them, but since I'm religious that is not what getting married means to me. I don't mean to imply in any way that a legal marriage is not a real marriage, it just isn't for me personally.)
This case is different... it does seem like she's already signed the papers and had a ceremony. That said though, I try not to judge and give people the benefit of the doubt... maybe there is a good reason they're having a shower now? Who knows?
The shower is okay, but I think a bachelorette party is little after the fact.
@SerenaSF: I absolutely agree. I think you already know with your DW that not every guest will be able to attend. It's sucks but it's just the way it is with DW. There are some other details that I left out that have been less than ideal but they're sort of irrelevant to this post.
My husband and I got married one day after we flew back to the US from the Netherlands where we were waiting for his fiance visa to be approved. We had our "official" wedding 6 months later. Personally I chose not to have a shower or bachelorette because we don't have any space for stuff. However, even knowing our situation, I had A LOT of friends/family ask me about these parties and when and where.
that is a bit odd.. but she prolly just wants the whole experience.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 46 |
| Brielle | 37 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| mypinkshoes | 28 |
| rebwana | 26 |
| funkymunky85 | 26 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 26 |
| Cady | 25 |
| beargoose | 24 |
| his chippymunk | 24 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| mtnhoney | 4 |
| AshleyR83 | 2 |
| kristenep | 1 |
| Hippos | 1 |
| caseyleigh10 | 1 |
| eagle | 1 |
| Brielle | 1 |
| MsJ2theZ | 1 |
| mandypop | 1 |
| Iloveyourlovethemost | 1 |
Is this a bit weird? Another thread made me think of this so I just wanted to see everyone's opinion.
A friend of mine is doing a DW in a few months, however they were legally married already a few months back (I attended the ceremony). She is now having a shower and bachelorette before the DW. I find it a bit odd and some friends who I've mentioned it too have said the same thing. She's made it very clear that she's already married yet the invitation for the shower makes it seem like she's not.
I'm not poo-pooing her wanting to have the shower and bachelorette. I just find the timing a bit awkward. How is it even a bachelorette if you're already married???