Post # 1
I just found out that my brother is coming for my family’s Thanksgiving, but my sister-in-law is going with her family. The families live about 30 minutes apart. I was told they are having it at the “same time” as ours, even though ours is very laid back- “sometime in the afternoon, whenever the turkey is ready.” This is their first married Thanksgiving, and I always thought that when you get married, your spouse is your #1 family, so you spend it together. Am I off base?
ETA: DH and I have been separate but only when one of us had to work. I understand things like that happen. I just thought it was weird when both of them can easily spend it together.
Post # 3
I think it’s weird given that it’s only 30 minutes apart. However, my husband and I only spent Christmas together for the first time last year…we’ve been together since 2006. My family lives 8 hours from here, though, so it’s not feasible to split the day up.
You should tell your brother to ask specifically when their Thanksgiving meal is, though, because that sounds fishy.
Post # 4
I agree that generally couples should spend holidays together, but sometimes compromises need to be made. Who knows what happened with them this year. Maybe one of them is having a fight with the inlaws and it’s better to keep them apart this year… who knows.
Post # 5
@guitargirl: I find it a little weird. I know my stepmom’s family (the ‘Bees’) does alternating years for Christmas. So one Christmas all the Bee’s, their children and spouses go to Aunt Bee’s house for Christmas, the next year everyone goes to their SO’s house or stays home or does whatever. They’ve done it that way for 30 years and everyone knows that’s how it works.
I would find it odd to spend holidays without my FH (although last year I did go home for thanksgiving without him…but it was another province & he couldn’t get vacation time and I’d promised my sister & mom i’d be there).
Post # 6
I think it’s a little odd, but to each their own, they’ll still be sharing a bad that night. And personally I would rather do that than try to have two Thanksgiving meals in one day, I did that for a few years as a kid, and I was not a fan. But at least I saw the grandparents who were better cooks first 😛
Post # 7
It is their first year figuring things out as a married couple I don’t think there is anything fishy about how the have chosen to do it. Is this how they will always do things-maybe maybe not. I would just chalk it up to them not knowing how to handle it.
Post # 8
@ieatunicorns: “I would just chalk it up to them not knowing how to handle it.”
Or them knowing exactly how to handle it 🙂
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Spending holidays separately is sometimes necessary but if it’s the norm every year I definitely think it’s weird. My parents did it because my dad didn’t like my mom’s family. It was weird for me as a child once I realized what was happening.
Post # 11
@guitargirl: Woah. I think that’s pretty weird. I voted before reading (bad bee!) and voted “a little weird” thinking the couple would have families far away from each other, but 30 minutes away and a laid-back Thanksgiving? Um. Weird. Most of my cousins are in the situation and if they usually sort of coordinate. Like, they will all go to their inlaws in the afternoon so we’ll hold dinner until 430 or 5. Or they come late after we’ve mostly eaten but hang out. No big deal. I think if my cousins showed up without their spouses I’d assume something was really wrong.
Post # 13
@guitargirl: Not at all! I think given that the families only 30 minutes apart and not super far, like having to take a flight, it seems reasonable to split up for a little bit to connect with families individually. They’ll only be apart for a few hours and could potentially have their own little celebration for breakfast or later on at night. I can totally understand if a married couple didn’t separate on a holiday when a long car drive or flight (and therefore, overnight stay) is involved.
That said, when we separate for holidays, we spent days apart. We live in the Midwest, my family lives on the East Coast, his family lives on the West Coast. We’ve been together for 8 years, so our families treated us like a married couple for a long time, but holidays are more important to our families than they are to us as a couple. So it was really common for us to spend holidays apart and it’s not a big deal.
Although, this is the first year we’re not splitting up for any holiday, more because we are sick of paying up the wazoo for holiday flights, rather than the fact that we’re married. I expect we will celebrate holidays seperately again in the future. It makes sense financially. We travel together to see the families other times throughout the year when it’s cheaper. And of course, of our families want to see us both at the same time, they are welcome to visit us in our home!
Post # 14
The weird part is that she’s sure she won’t be able to make your meal. THAT makes me think something is wrong.
Post # 15
Yea, its a bit weird, but I’m sure they have their reasons. DH and I are spending thanksgiving apart, and may be spending christmas apart as well. It isn’t ideal, but I wouldn’t judge someone if that’s how it works out.
I was planning on staying here for thanksgiving, but my dad just got diagnosed with cancer and is having surgery on Monday, so since my work is closed Thurs/Fri for Thanksgiving, I bought last minute flights for Weds night to be with my parents thanksgiving/next weekend. DH can’t get work off that last-minute so he will stay here.
I think most people would understand that, but I’m annoyed about the christmas situation. It’s really important to me to spend it with my family (and his – our parents live ten mins apart) but he sees me as his family now and feels no need to go visit our parents and doesn’t want to request the time off. It’s a really frustrating situation.
Post # 16
@guitargirl: I can’t imagine being apart from my FI for holidays. It certainly won’t happen once we are married unless work gets in the way somehow.