Is this offensive?

posted 3 years ago in LGBTQ
  • poll: "Groomsdyke:" Offensive?
    Yes : (29 votes)
    12 %
    Sort of : (30 votes)
    12 %
    No : (32 votes)
    13 %
    I'm straight but I think it's offensive : (75 votes)
    30 %
    I'm straight but I think it's okay : (55 votes)
    22 %
    Not sure : (21 votes)
    9 %
    Other : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    If she’s the one who came up with the term, I don’t think it’s offensive…obviously not to her. You COULD go the extra mile & ask your bridesman if he’s offended but I don’t see why he would be. It seems like she’s just joking around.

    FYI: this public announcement is brought to you by a bisexual herself lol I think sometimes straight allies get offended FOR us and 95% of the time they’re right that something is indeed offensive and they’re standing up for a cause they believe in and that truly does help us as LGBT peeps, but sometimes they stand up for something that they find offensive because they think LGBT people will find it offensive but in reality, in a scenario like this, most LGBT people I know and am friends with would all know that this is lighthearted. There’s nothing here to be offended about unless your brother is uncomfortable with it. In which case I would simply explore his feelings with him.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yes.  She can say it; you can’t.   It certainly isn not an appropriate way to refer to her with people who do not know her, and with people who do, surely you would just use her name.

    Post # 5
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    I mean, if it’s her self-proclaimed title… And she is fine with it, I guess not? I wouldn’t broadcast it though, like just keep it as an inside joke. But that’s me. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    11740 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m straight, and I think it’s offensive.  If I were at a wedding and heard people saying that, I’d raise an eyebrow and definitely find it inappropriate.

    Words that carry a negative connotation like that, especially ones that are discriminatory, should not be used, period.  It’s one thing if the woman feels like it’s appropriate to say, but it’s offensive for you to carry on the stereotype.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Oh, and whether or not YOU can say it is based on your relationship with her. It’s a simple fix though…”does it offend you if I call you that just around people we know mutually? I would be happy to just refer to you as FI’s groomswoman if it would make you more comfortable. I wouldn’t call you that in public if you would prefer it that way…just kinda gimme your thoughts”….Dont’ tip toe around it, just ask. She sounds like she’s lighthearted by calling herself that so if you’re worried about it, just ask her.

    Lesbians tease each other with dyke/queer/blah blah all the time. It’s kinda like the black community using the n word…they’re words that are preceivably off limits to others but used within the community to tease and joke and break down the stereotype. It’s all based on how close you are. My cousins who are white say the N word (nigga…not er) and have black friends who don’t bat an eyelash. If you’re a straight ally, they know it’s not coming from a bad place. Just my 200 cents haha

    Post # 8
    Member
    1028 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I say its totally ok. She is obviously very comfortable with herself and her sexuality and it appears she loves and trusts you and your fiancé to participate in such an amazing event. I also think its a term of endearment for herself. The word “Dyke” might be offensive to some but she seems to have taken the negative connotation of the word and give it positive energy and for that I applaud her! 

    Neither I nor my fiancée refer to ourselves as “dykes” but others might and that’s on them!  

     

    The easiest way to find out if it’s offensive is to talk to her as far as how she would like to be referred to in announcements and during conversations. Then you will definitely have your answer!

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    922 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @ladyamalthea:  personally, i am not offended by it, but I think it may be offensive to others, and even if she came up with that title, I suggest not using it. It just seems like poor taste

    Post # 11
    Member
    1625 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @ladyamalthea:  I think that’s fine for you guys to say between yourselves (if she has expressed shes comfortable with you saying it) but I wouldnt’ casually refer to her as as his “groomsdyke” to anyone else. I find it flippant and and offensive, personally. I’m sure everyone feels different. But I think if you have to ask yourself “is this offensive?” you probably just shouldn’t do it.

    Post # 12
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think it’s fine because she came up with it, but I would be very leary of putting it in writing (ie in the programs) because other people may be offended or hurt.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1002 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @soontobemrsm11 ( I like your FYI, it’s really true.  I am not gay but my best friend is and he always says people who are straight get offended for him even when it’s not a big deal at all.

    Post # 14
    Member
    8707 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Straight. Not offended. If she started calling herself that she opened the door. If she asks you not to say it, that’s one thing.

    ETA: “She can say it but you can’t?” Oh for fuck’s sake.

    Post # 15
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    sounds offensive to me…she can say it but u cant especially if shes the one who made the term up

    Post # 16
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think it sounds offensive. I would just use it as a joke between you all instead of stating it in programs and stuff

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors