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for Question # 1 - Personally I would never do that and neither would anyone in my family - we all try to space things out at least a few weeks apart since we don't like to overwhelm anyone.
for Question # 2 - is this at your rehearsal dinner? and if so, how close/relation to you?
So here are my questions back to you 
1. Would it be an inconvenience to guests (i.e. travel requirements or time of day)? Is the bride a close friend/ would she want to be able to come to the baby shower? Is there a specific reason it needs to be the day after?
2. How formal is the rehearsal dinner? Will everyone at the rehearsal dinner know the guests whose birthday it is? Would the bride and groom know ahead of time? Would that particular individual feel embarrassed/ singled out due to the attention?
@MrsJKH2be: the rehearsal dinner is large and includes all family and OOT guests in addition to those involved in the wedding. The birthday is for the groom's brother/ groomsman.
@EvaBostonTerrier:
1) The timing would not be inconvenient for guests although it will be tight for the bride and groom to participate because of other events going on in the evening and other out of town guests who would not be invited to the shower who still expect to be entertained.
2) The rehearsal dinner is about as formal as you can get. Cocktail/formal attire and almost all guests are invited. Many people will know the groomsman but many will not.
Personally I think it would be a bit rude to hold the baby shower on the day after or ask the bride/groom to celebrate something/someone else during their rehearsal dinner. If I were the bride I'd prob not say anything so as not to cause drama, but I'd be annoyed.
1) I don't know, I would feel weird about this
2) sure, as long as the couple is cool with it
I guess I'm on the other side of this. I would be okay with another event the day after. It also allows OOT guests to celebrate two occasions in one trip. My dad's side of the family is having a family reunion the day after my wedding.
I would celebrate the birthday or at least make mention of it. If he's over 21 he probably won't want a big party for himself anyway. As long as the he and the couple are both okay with it.
I would definitely say no to the day after Baby Shower - asking people to dish out all that $ that whole weekend may be rude - and some people most likely would like to relax the day after a wedding. I know I went to 2 baby showers and an awards ceremony for my mother this weekend and I was spent - plus my whole weekend was shot.
I would say acknowledging the groomsman's birthday would be very sweet - as long as the bride and groom were up for it - I think ultimately they have the choice. I personally would do it.
1) I don't think this is soooo bad, depending on circumstances. Will there be a lot of family in town to attend the wedding that normally wouldn't come to shower? While this may not be the most convenient thing for you (the bride, I am assuming), you should also not feel pressured into entertaining other oot guest the day after your wedding. This coming weekend I am hosting a baby shower for one of my bridesmaids and my wedding shower is the next day. My bridesmaid lives out of town, and being that she is pregnant it would have been difficult for her to travel 2 different weekends for 2 shower dates (her family all lives here). It seemed a little weird at first (shower extravaganza weekend), but I got over it and realistically it is the best thing all around.
2) This one I can relate to on an even more personal level. My FH's SIL will have her bday the day before our wedding (and at our rehearsal dinner). I have every intention of giving her a bday moment at our dinner. I have no problem singing to her and having a cake for her (haven't thought about if this will be the only dessert or not). I totally love my bday, and think they special moments in a person's life, and think they should be acknowledged and honored.
Questions 1: Yes, this is fine - you only get one day.
Question 2: I think this awkward, because it's already a dinner in honor of something else. And I would feel really awkward if I was the birthday girl lol.
1) I think I'm on the other side of this too, it really wouldn't bother me. It's the day after your wedding, not your wedding day. I think it would be awesome for the OOT guests to get to celebrate another happy occasion in the family while they're in town! However the hosts will have to understand if you and your new hubby aren't able to attend.
2) I wouldn't mind giving someone a cake and singing happy birthday to them at my rehearsal dinner, so long as it's a few moments of the rehearsal dinner and the dinner isn't represented as or turn into a birthday party. Again, you're all together, celebrate the happy stuff!
I think both are fine. And we actually did celebrate someone's birthday at our rehearsal dinner, and the cake was his birthday cake. It was nice.
1) I think having the shower after the wedding it fine. After the wedding day, the couple's one day is over so they don't really have a right to be upset about it.
2) It is fine as long as the bride and groom are okay with it.
Yes and Yes
- if you have people in from out of town, its nice to get to include them in the baby shower! you'll be busy being a newly wed anyway! :) The day-after the wedding is for you and hubby. don't worry about what everyone else is doing. If you are leaving for your honeymoon, you'll just have to send a gift instead of being there.
2. of course!! We're celebrating birthdays and a 60th anniversary :) Its all about celebration, right?? What a nicer way to remind your friends/family that you love and care about them, than to give them 5 min. of attention at the rehearsal. Not like its the reception, even then. Its really NICE.
Neither days are your wedding day.
I think it's fantastic idea to have the parties when all the family is together! However, I'm an older bride, and I see my wedding as a big chance to hang out with our families (who all live in different states) and have fun for a weekend. I can see where a younger bride who expected the weekend to be all about her would get her feelings hurt by the birthday at the rehearsal dinner, but honestly I think the bridal shower the day after the wedding shouldn't be a big deal at all.
1. I think it's okay for someone to have her shower the day after the wedding, but I can't imagine I'd want to go to someone's shower the day after my wedding. I would want to spend time with my OOT guests, get ready to leave for the honeymoon, and just relax! Unless it was a very close friend or family member, I'd probably pass on the shower.
2. I think it would be totally okay to have birthday cake, especially since it's a close family member of the groom. Even if people don't know him, singing happy birthday only takes a minute, and who doesn't love cake?
I wouldn't worry too much from your side about the baby shower. The mother-to-be should probably just decide whether she thinks that it's a big deal. If a lot of people are coming into town or something then maybe it would be a really good time.
We celebrated one of our groomsman's birthday at our wedding reception. He made it back for his mid deployment leave from Iraq and came to our wedding. There was no singing but he was acknowledged and had a special dessert.
Here's my two cents!
1. It's ok for them to throw the shower, but I would be annoyed. Then again, if I was invited to both I don't think I would accept the shower invitation. It would be too much. EDIT: I wouldN'T accept the shower invite. A shower the day after a wedding would be hard.
2. If you're ok with celebrating someone's bday then it's fine! It's rude if they just celebrate a bday at your rehearsal if they aren't close to you, and especially if they didn't ask. We're going to surprise my uncle with a cake at our rehearsal dinner bc it's his bday and bc he's like a father to me. If it was someone I wasn't close to, I probably would (then again, I probably wouldn't know it was their bday either)
Yes and Yes for me!
I just held a bridal shower the day after a wedding this past weekend. It was perfect as most guests were OOT and this allowed everyone to be able to come! The only person who was unable to come understandably was the bride - she left for her honeymoon that day - but she didn't mind that we were holding it that day!
I think it is nice to honour FI's brother's birthday at your RD! Great idea! Combined parties WHOO HOO!
Thanks all. I'm actually in favor of celebrating both but my mother felt that these celebrations would be rude and that I should say something to the parties invovled. Being that I'm not all that good at confrontation, I wanted to make sure our guests won't be weirded out by the other celebration going on.
I actually mostly feel bad that I doubt we will be able to make it to the baby shower. My maid of honor is flying in from Jakarta for our wedding and I had promised we would hang out on Sunday because we aren't going to get much one on one time during the wedding. Because the family throwing the baby shower lives in town with me and I can see them any weekend, I just can't justify ditching MOH.
I think they can hold the baby shower the day after, no problem. Unless you had made plans to have a brunch or something that day and already told everyone about it. If the bride and groom can't make it to the shower, then not a big deal. I don't think anyone would be offended if they didn't come the day after their wedding.
The best man in our wedding has a birthday the day of our rehearsal as well. We are actually going to get a cake for him and do the whole Happy Birthday thing...and our dinner is more formal than not formal. I don't think it's ok to not recognize someone's birthday and they fact that they are giving up their birthday for us, just because it's our wedding weekend.
Regarding the baby shower... I think it's fine. After all, it's not on your wedding day.
As for the birthday- considering that it's for the GROOM's brother, I think it's perfectly acceptable to celebrate at the rehersal dinner! After all, it's FAMILY, and I think it would actually be kind of inconsiderate to ignore the fact that it's his birthday, kind of like, "Ok Groom's Brother, you don't mind if we just pretend that today isn't your birthday so that Bride and Groom can have all the attention right? Ok, thanks!" Um... not ok. It reminds me of Sixteen Candles when everyone forgets about Molly Ringwald's birthday because everyone is focused on her sister's wedding.. :)
As a BRIDE:
1. Yes. I wouldn't care because I probably wouldn't be at the baby shower.
2. Yes. But I would want it to be my idea to celebrate that person's birthday because it's not like they can have it another day and they're giving up their night to be at my dinner.
As a GUEST:
1. No. I don't think I'd want to go to a shower the day after a wedding (too tired) UNLESS I lived out of town and then I'd already be in town for it (but then again if I wanted to use being OOT as an excuse to skip - that wouldn't work). But really this just seems odd because a baby shower can be held anytime.
2. Yes. Cake for everyone!
I kind of think the baby shower the day after is a good idea. I mean, the wedding is over, so it doesn't steal the spotlight at all, and then people from out of town don't have to make two trips. It sort of sucks that the bride and groom may not be able to attend, but baby showers are pretty casual anyway so if I were the bride I wouldn't worry about that.
I don't know about having the birthday cake being the only dessert, but a small additional cake and a song shouldn't interrupt the rehearsal too much, so I would say that should be the couple's (and to a lesser extent, the birthday person's) call.
I wanted to make something clear about the birthday. His birthday is five days before the rehearsal.
1. This seems ok to me (I'm thinking out of town family would get to be at the baby shower, which is nice), but no one should expect the bride and groom to attend.
2. Again, this seems fine to me, except I'd make it a little more low key and still offer whatever dessert would have been offered in the absence of the birthday. I've seen birthday cakes given at weddings (by the bride, so there was clearly no thunder stealing and everyone thought it was sweet of her), I think its a nice gesture. In this case, I'd have the groom announce the birthday, present a small cake and lead the singing, that way the focus remains on the bride and groom. Quickly whisk the cake away for cutting and get back to the party.
ETA: Just saw the birthday is 5 days before. Unless it were an awesome milestone b-day, like grandma turning 90, than thats just weird. No need to celebrate.
Wow, I just realized that both my dad's and FI's brother's birthdays are just 4 days before our rehersal dinner! Yeah, it seems very weird to celebrate them at the rehersal. Maybe add a "happy birthday to dad and brother" while we're thanking everyone for being there, but that would be the most I would expect us to do.
I'm totally low key about all that stuff (when people tell me its "my day" I tell them I know that isn't true), and our rehersal dinner is going to be really casual, it would just be really odd to celebrate a birthday that much later (of course, I also feel that birthdays between the age of about 19 and 79 really don't matter much--birthdays are a kid thing to me).
I think they are both OK. Especially the birthday. If it were you, wouldn't you want a little special attention on your birthday?
Re: the shower - I think it's fine (not rude) except to you (since you'll likely not be attending).
Re: the brother - how old is he turning? FI's MOM is turning 60 the Monday before our wedding and there's no way I'd have a b'day cake at the wedding or rehearsal. I'm planning to celebrate her either on the day of or the weekend before. I think - nix the cake and make it just about the rehearsal. (If it was the same day - I'd say- celebrate both).
Since you said the birthday is five days before...that does seems a little weird. Like waiting to celebrate his birthday for rehearsal. I would probably assumed that he had already celebrated his birthday...unless that is the only time he could get together with everyone was at the rehearsal.
Since the birthday isnt that actual day I wouldn't celebrate at the dinner. I can't imagine anyone would expect you at the shower the next day.
yes to babyshower, no to birthday that's not actually on that day. Unless the person is like 5 years old, then it's ok.
The wedding and baby shower are two separate events on separate days. Therefore nothing wrong with that.
The birthday and the rehearsal dinner are separate events and should be treated as such. Celebrate the birthday on the actual day it occurs and don't make it part of the rehearsal at all. Not every adult wants to celebrate their birthday and if they do, they prefer to have a private celebration that is not related to anything else.
originally i was going to say there's no problem with the bday thing since the groom chose the day before hi bro's bday for his wedding knowing that forever after he may well have to choose between the 2 events to celebrate. Groom could have chosen a different weekend.
Then I saw the part about the bday being days early. That's just weird. No, there's no reason to celebrate just because someone has a bday that month. I would make an exception if it was granny's 80th or something like that.
Yes to the bridal shower because all of the OOT guests will be able to attend, but no to the birthday thing for grooms brother because it's not actually on the date...I wouldn't want the attention away from us if it were our rehearsal dinner.... Make the grooms brother a dinner on his actual birthday at his house or the parents house....
I wouldn't mind if the baby shower was inviting out of town people, and it would be awkward to have the people come down twice in a small space of time,
and I wouldn't mind at-all, I'm not having any kind of rehearsal but if I was I wouldn't mind - it's not like it's your wedding!!
If the shower is being held for a reason- so out of town guests can participate, so the bride can be present, because she wants to, it's ok. Otherwise, it's not rotten, just bad taste.
Birthday cake, a nice idea if the person is special to the bride and groom and the rehersal dinner is less formal and people know each other. Otherwise, not a bad idea, but maybe a little awkward. Maybe a regular cake for everyone and a cupcake with candle for brithday person?
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I need some etiquette guidance on two points:
1) Is it ok for a close family member to hold their baby shower the day after a wedding?
2) Is it ok to celebrate someone else's birthday at a rehearsal dinner (e.g., everyone sings happy birthday and only dessert is a cake for that person).?
What would you think as the bride or as a guest?