Is This Petty? Thinking of getting someone a cheap wedding gift

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Overjoyed:  If you’re not even attending the wedding, I don’t see the need to buy a super nice gift for him.

Post # 3
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If I give someone a gift it’ s not because I expect one in return, and one of the same value at that.

Personally, I’d give what I normally give. If you guys aren’t that close any more he might have money issues (which might be recent, or exacerbated by his wedding), and couldn’t afford to give more. Or maybe he just is cheap, I dunno. Either way, I do think it’s kind of petty, and I’d just gift the same I would other friends I am equally close with.

Post # 4
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

I can understand how you feel. We are attending a wedding in a few months and the bride and groom didn’t give us anything for our wedding. Not even a card. But I can’t bare not giving them anything, especially since the groom is really close to DH. It feels wrong to go empty handed. They are having an engagement party soon too, and I think we may have to give something there as well. I just feel like I will feel way too guilty if we don’t!

So it’s up to you and how you’ll feel with yourself after. If you can give a cheap gift and not feel guilty about it (like I would) then I’d do it. If I had the nerve, I wouldn’t give anything to the couple in my situation!

ETA: I just realized you’re not even attending the wedding… in that case, give the cheap gift and a nice card!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  MrsGatito.
Post # 6
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

Overjoyed:  You don’t give gifts to get them, that’s true, but I find it hard to believe that no one would take that into account. I wouldn’t want to look cheap but I also wouldn’t want to give someone a $500 cheque when they had given me $20. It’s more noticeable on holidays and is awkward from both perspectives when you open a gift way high/lower value than what you gave. 

I’d choose a $20ish dollar registry item or a gift card to the store he registered at. You’re not close anymore so I wouldn’t worry about it. 

MrsGatito:  They didn’t even get you a dollar store card and you’re giving them TWO gifts? You’re a better person than I am, lol. 

Post # 7
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

somethingblue04:  Haha well, I just have a big conscience and care too much about what people think. DH has known the guy pretty much his whole life, they’re pretty close… it feels wrong not to get them something. I can give her a free pass since we didn’t know her well at the time, she may have assumed he was handling the gift. Maybe he thought being in the wedding party for our wedding meant he didn’t have to give a gift. I’m not sure. 

I may not get something for the engagement. They’ve been engaged for awhile now so it may not be so weird… I’ll leave it up to DH. We didn’t have an engagement party.

Post # 9
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

Overjoyed: And see, I disagree. I see the gift more as a token of “I wish you well and congratulations” (which is why i would have been happy with even just a card). But even if it comes down to the fact they paid for a $75 suit, they shouldn’t need to spend more on a gift – well then the same logic should be applied to us.. we paid for their food, drinks and entertainment (for them AND a guest) PLUS got them a gift for being a part of the day… we shouldn’t have needed to get the gift then, if we’re already paying for their food and drinks… 

This is taking your thread off topic now, so I apologize! 

Post # 10
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, that would be a petty thing to do.

The gift he gave you may have only been $20.00, but it was an item that was on your registry. It was a gift you literally pre-approved. 

If you want to choose his gift based off of how you feel about the gift he gave you, you can, but it won’t show or prove anything to him. It’ll just be a petty thing you did. 

Post # 11
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Overjoyed:  You know, its petty, but it would also probably be kind of satisfying….if it were me, I’d totally do something like that.  Gifts are supposed to come from the heart, and if your heart is telling you to hit this guy with $20 because it stuck in your craw when you got married….do it.

Post # 12
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it helps to think about why you’re giving a gift. Is it because “it’s what you’re supposed to do”. Is it because he got you a gift for your wedding? Is it because you want to express your congratulations at their wedding? I understand that it’s probably a combination of these and, probably, other reason, but I think it’s useful to think about why you’re doing something and what you hope to acheive with it. If you’re more so giving a gift for ettiquet sake, I think you’d be fine to get a cheaper gift. If you’re getting it, more so, because your really want to congratulate them, then I wouldn’t base your amount on his gift. That being said, I generally spend less on a wedding that I’m not attending, so I wouldn’t see $20 as an unusually low amount.

Post # 13
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

Overjoyed:  I don’t think it’s petty. Gifts should be genuine and sincere. There is no rule about wedding gifts (some people offer the same amount to everybody, some will choose an amount depending on their level of closeness to the bride and groom). In the current situation, you aren’t that close to those people, and you won’t even attend their wedding. I think it’s a nice gesture to buy a gift even if you don’t attend, I don’t think the amount you spend is relevent. If you’re uncomfortable matching the exact same amount in case you’d feel cheap, just shop with a broader price range ($25 to $50 for example) but when you find the gift you want to buy, it’s that amount of money you spend. I know I’d rather get something ”cheaper” but thoughtful, than expensive but I know was bought just to save face.

Post # 14
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If someone gives you a $20 gift and you aren’t close or attending their wedding, I don’t see the problem with giving a $25-50 gift. It’s often the case that young single guys cheap out on gifts, or don’t give even if they can, out of “ignorance” (despite being able to google about what should be given at weddings, I’ve heard many times that, when those guys get married, those same ppl give them something similar. I would not be spending $100-250 on this guy’s gift. 

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