Is this really a rule?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
419 posts
Helper bee

That is an old school rule. Yes. 

Post # 3
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

wanabeabee:  I haven’t ever heard that one before, news to me. Considering my mother and MIL had such DRASTICALLY different tastes in clothing it wasn’t something I was concerned about.

Post # 4
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014


wanabeabee:  Old school is right.  MOB picks her dress, then MOG picks one to coordinate with her.  Or at least not clash with the MOB.

Post # 5
356 posts
Helper bee


wanabeabee:  I guess I’ve never heard this. I wouldn’t be upset if my FMIL bought a dress before my mom, and I dont think my mom would be upset either. I guess it just depends on the moms?

Post # 6
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

wanabeabee:  Old school rule for sure.  My FMIL has been asking FI what my mother is wearing to our wedding in November.  My mom doesn’t have a clue.  FMIL said she read online that MOB gets first pick of colours and style.  And apparently MOB and MOG dresses are different.  FI said his mom wants to wear navy and my mom never wears that colour.  Honestly just get a dress you like lol.

Post # 7
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

wanabeabee: Old school rule. Bride’s mother gets first dibs on any color, length, formality, or style decisions & groom’s mother makes sure not to clash or be more fancy. 

Post # 8
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Good grief that is OLD! I have never even heard of it. My mother in law bought her outfit without me, didn’t even ask me for an opinion. My mom and I bought hers together. I wanted her to wear something gold/champagne etc… kind of to honor her as being the MOB

Post # 9
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

wanabeabee:  Yes, it is a rule, and I don’t see any problems with it personally. That’s what we did and it worked out quite well.

I believe the idea is that since the bride’s family traditionally hosts the wedding and the MOB is generally more connected with the bride and the wedding plans, she chooses her dress and then let’s the MOG know what she chose. Then the MOG can base her dress off of the formality/style of the “traditional hostess” – the MOB – and the two set the tone for the rest of the guests. Of course to each their own, I’m certainly not suggesting everyone do this; the bride’s family frequently doesn’t fully/solely host weddings nowadays, and I think rules are often made to be broken however, this just happened to be the easiest/most convenient route for us. =)

Post # 10
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

My MIL didn’t want to pick hers until my mom had. I thought this was crazy because it didn’t matter, but apparently it’s a thing. For their generation anyway! 

Post # 11
3643 posts
Sugar bee

I honestly thought that the bride and groom chose the formality of the event and, therefore, if the mothers should wear, long and formal, short and formal, etc.?

As a 2x MOB I never did the “I choose 1st thing.”. Both MOG wore/are wearing black, and I chose light blue & royal blue. The 1st bride and I did see the MOG in a gown she thought she liked, after already buying one, and we told her it looked more like a “guest dress.” She ended up wearing her first choice.

A lady in my neighborhood – about a generation older – said the “MOG gets to just shut-up and wear beige!” I hope that’s not the case today, as both my daughter’s chose ivory, and some beiges are very similar. (And I thought the shut-up part was a bit rude, but she said it was a common saying).

Post # 12
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I just found out about this rule last week! Isnt it hilarious! My fiance’s mom asked me to ask my mom if it was ok for her to buy a certain pink outfit – she was worried my mom would be upset since “normally” the mother of the bride picks first and gets to wear a flashy colour. Haha. My mom didnt care at all and MIL got the pink outfit 🙂

Post # 14
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

wanabeabee:  My MIL kept nagging me to know when my mom bought her dress. She didn’t want to get a similar one. She then went to the SAME store and bought a dress in the SAME colour as my mom. And all lace. 

Luckily my mom changed her dress at the last minute. Apparently its a rule but they aren’t suppose to choose similar colour dresses nor lace. 

Post # 15
43 posts

Yes, and old school rule, but I had to use it because my FMIL is a WITCH.

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