Post # 1
With RSVPs coming in or due for a lot of weddings, there has been a lot of threads poppping up about either someone not wanting to go to a wedding because that person didn’t go to their’s, or someone hurt because they went to someone else’s wedding but that person was not coming to their wedding.
I didn’t know this was a thing. Do you really judge people who didn’t come to your wedding when you went to theirs? Has anyone not gone to someone’s wedding because that person didn’t go to their wedding?
I am the youngest of most of my cousins. I have gone to most of their weddings. A lot of them won’t be coming to mine. Most of them now have kids in elementry school and starting on activities, or have moved further away. There are also a few who had weddings while I was studying abroad in college who are planning to come to my wedding. My friends are the same way. Some of them who’s weddings I couldn’t make it too when they got married right out of school and I was still working my first job and didn’t have the money or time to attend all of them. Some of them will be attending, some of them have kids and work and really can’t come. Either way, I’m not holding any grudges.
Post # 2
No, no this is not a thing:)
Post # 3
Misswhowedding: I am the owner of one such thread. I was extremely hurt and upset when one of my oldest friends told me she can’t make it to my wedding (which she’s known about for 9 months) in favour of plans with her new friends. It really stung. I also take things too personally.
It’s not a ‘thing’ it’s just that people often come here to vent about things that they’re upset about that you can’t really tell people in real life without sounding like a total asshole 😀
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s a “thing” necessarily but something that people may feel hurt about on an individual basis. Like, if I was in someone’s wedding party/put in a ton of effort and they skipped my wedding to go golfing, yeah, I might feel a little hurt, you know? <— example only
Post # 6
Misswhowedding: eh, for me it would depend why… I am extremely understanding of life circumstances, financial circumstances, babies, logistics, travel etc. I do have a few friends who had high expectations of my participation in their wedding events, and are completely distant/indifferent now that it’s my turn (and it’s not because they’ve moved away or had a kid.) So if they don’t attend, I won’t lose sleep over it, and I’ll keep them as Facebook friends and will be nice if I run into them on the street, but that’s about it. It wouldn’t be because I’m holding a grudge, it would be because I recognize we’ve grown apart and I am not really interested in participating in one sided friendships when I’m fortunate enough to have friends who make an effort. 🙂 Nothing wrong with prioritizing some people over others based on their actions!
Post # 7
- Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club
Sadly, I’ve seen this be a very real thing… I have a cousin who stated her family won’t be coming to my wedding because I “didn’t bother showing up at” hers. Mind you I declined on the RSVP and sent a gift, but I knew that I would be in Florida on business (wedding in Maryland) and I only got the invite 2 weeks beforehand.
I also know that a friend’s family takes this even further- they have “The Book” which is a record of who came to what events, how much $/what item was gifted, who sent cards for the birthdays/weddings/christenings, etc. They actively base their decisions and spending to others on this book. IE- Mr. Smith sent our daughter $500 for her wedding and attended, we will do the same for his daughter’s wedding this spring. They promise it keeps up etiquette because they always reciprocate… It would drive me nuts!
Post # 8
wvlefty: Wow… I wasn’t going to reply to this thread because I don’t think it’s a “thing” but when I saw your response, I had to! The Book?! That is ridiculous! People go through too many different situations and circumstances throughout life to be held accountable by The Book. If they only keep it to make sure they are the ones “keeping up”/reciprocating, then that’s their prerogative. I just hope they don’t judge others who don’t give as much to them as they gave previously.
Post # 9
- Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club
SeasideBride510: I’ve definitely seen that too. It’s so odd because these are people who are caring and compassionate in so many ways that I was shocked by it! I also feel like it is way too rigid. If I’m broke and can only afford 1/2 of what Mr. Smith gave me, what then?! My FH and I recently talked about how awful it is, so The Book is fresh in my mind…
Post # 10
Misswhowedding: I don’t think it is a “thing” but sometimes something small can be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I started a thread about my cousin’s breach of etiquette and received replies telling me to mind my own business. However, I was at the “this is the last straw, things are getting effing ridiculous. Invite me and show zero class…kind of my business”. So, although I want to say I personally would not hold a grudge, that is just hubris. There might be compounding issues for people. Still I wouldn’t call it a “thing”. Just my opinion.