Is this really a thing?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

No, no this is not a thing:)

Post # 3
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Misswhowedding:  I am the owner of one such thread.  I was extremely hurt and upset when one of my oldest friends told me she can’t make it to my wedding (which she’s known about for 9 months) in favour of plans with her new friends.  It really stung.  I also take things too personally.

It’s not a ‘thing’ it’s just that people often come here to vent about things that they’re upset about that you can’t really tell people in real life without sounding like a total asshole 😀

Post # 4
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t think it’s a “thing” necessarily but something that people may feel hurt about on an individual basis. Like, if I was in someone’s wedding party/put in a ton of effort and they skipped my wedding to go golfing, yeah, I might feel a little hurt, you know? <— example only

 

Post # 5
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Good…for…you…??  

Post # 6
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

Misswhowedding:  eh, for me it would depend why… I am extremely understanding of life circumstances, financial circumstances, babies, logistics, travel etc. I do have a few friends who had high expectations of my participation in their wedding events, and are completely distant/indifferent now that it’s my turn (and it’s not because they’ve moved away or had a kid.) So if they don’t attend, I won’t lose sleep over it, and I’ll keep them as Facebook friends and will be nice if I run into them on the street, but that’s about it. It wouldn’t be because I’m holding a grudge, it would be because I recognize we’ve grown apart and I am not really interested in participating in one sided friendships when I’m fortunate enough to have friends who make an effort.  🙂 Nothing wrong with prioritizing some people over others based on their actions!

Post # 7
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

Sadly, I’ve seen this be a very real thing… I have a cousin who stated her family won’t be coming to my wedding because I “didn’t bother showing up at” hers.  Mind you I declined on the RSVP and sent a gift, but I knew that I would be in Florida on business (wedding in Maryland) and I only got the invite 2 weeks beforehand. 

I also know that a friend’s family takes this even further- they have “The Book” which is a record of who came to what events, how much $/what item was gifted, who sent cards for the birthdays/weddings/christenings, etc.  They actively base their decisions and spending to others on this book.  IE- Mr. Smith sent our daughter $500 for her wedding and attended, we will do the same for his daughter’s wedding this spring.  They promise it keeps up etiquette because they always reciprocate…  It would drive me nuts! 

Post # 8
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

wvlefty:  Wow… I wasn’t going to reply to this thread because I don’t think it’s a “thing” but when I saw your response, I had to!  The Book?!  That is ridiculous!  People go through too many different situations and circumstances throughout life to be held accountable by The Book.  If they only keep it to make sure they are the ones “keeping up”/reciprocating, then that’s their prerogative.  I just hope they don’t judge others who don’t give as much to them as they gave previously.

Post # 9
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

SeasideBride510:  I’ve definitely seen that too. It’s so odd because these are people who are caring and compassionate in so many ways that I was shocked by it! I also feel like it is way too rigid. If I’m broke and can only afford 1/2 of what Mr. Smith gave me, what then?! My FH and I recently talked about how awful it is, so The Book is fresh in my mind…

Post # 10
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Misswhowedding:  I don’t think it is a “thing” but sometimes something small can be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I started a thread about my cousin’s breach of etiquette and received replies telling me to mind my own business. However, I was at the “this is the last straw, things are getting effing ridiculous. Invite me and show zero class…kind of my business”. So, although I want to say I personally would not hold a grudge, that  is  just hubris. There might be compounding issues for people. Still I wouldn’t call it a “thing”. Just my opinion.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors