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IMHO, Definitely definitely definitely allow single people, ESPECIALLY if they are in their mid 30's (no, not THAT old! ;-) ) to bring +1's even if they know a lot of people at the wedding.
I don't like the idea of a case-by-case basis because you really have the potential for feelings to be hurt. Either every single guest gets a +1 or no one does.
Just my two cents. I know it is a hard choice especially when you look at the final number of people you're inviting, but I think its the right thing to do, and your initial feeling on the matter is what you should stick with.
I did case by case. I invited everybody with a significant other at the time that I sent out invites with their SO invited by name. I gave a couple guests who would know very few people at the wedding the option of bring an "and guest", but my cousins and stuff that would have a circle of people to hang out with, I didn't.
I wouldn't expect every single guest to bring a +1, so I would do it case-by-case. Maybe you can put something on the invites about e-mailing if they need to bring a guest.
I could see people in relationships bringing a their SO, but bringing a friend as a guest seems like a waste.
I only gave +1s to people in a relationship/dating or people who were traveling to attend. I didn't really see the need for my single aunt to bring a date, for example, when she had tons of family members who would be there and her children were coming in from out of state with her grandchildren. If I had anyone coming who was single and wasn't really going to know anyone I probably would of made an exception, but we didn't have any situations like that.
We only invited spouses, fiancees and couples who were living together. The only "exception" I made to this rule was a friend from work who had been in a relationship with the same man for 20 years. All of my other single friends were not invited with a guest, simply because we did not have the ability to accommodate all of those "plus ones."
I did not marry until I was in my 40s, and I attended the weddings of most of my friends without being invited to bring a date, and I still was able to have a great time at these weddings.
I'd do it on a case-by-case basis. Make up some rules and stick to them as much as possible. For example: serious relationship, traveling, or doesn't know anyone at the wedding get a plus one and no one else gets one. Sure some people may be upset they don't get a plus one, but I wouldn't worry about that, none of your guests has the right to invite anyone to your wedding.
I offered everyone a +1 if they were unmarried, especially if they were young. The thing was though, very few (maybe one or two) took us up on it unless they were in committed relationships. Something about weddings, people don't like bringing friends? Maybe that's more of a "my family" thing, though.
We're doing ours case by case based on relationship status and how many other people the single guest will know. I want all my guests to feel comfortable, but we are so very tight on space at our reception venue.
Option C: Nobody gets a "Plus One". You invite every guest personally, by name, by invitation sent directly to his or her own address or handed into his or her own hand. And you know personally -- adequately to be personally able to vouch for the respectability of -- every single guest.
Naturally, if one of your dear friends is married, you will personally know their spouse -- or really, how close a friend are you? -- and will be inviting the spouse by name on the same invitation just as sincerely. And if someone who is engaged is close to you, you will have met their fiance and can find out their address to invite them individually by name. And, of course, people who are living together, or who have been displaying mutual affection publicly for multiple years, must politely be assumed to be secretly married or secretly engaged.
For the rest, you may choose to ask "is there someone you would like me to invite?" and, if you are then provided with a name and address, and an introduction to this someone (or at least a strong voucher on the part of your friend that this someone is quite respectable) then you send him or her a personal invitation. You also go to the effort of arranging seating-plans to create congenial conversational groups, and you make sure that either you or the Aunt Brigade or the Girlfriend Cadre undertake to be diligent about making proper introductions between people all night. Not just "Aunt Aspasia, this is Buckie's Uncle Tim", but the short conversation full of "Aunt Aspasia is in politics, Uncle Tim: she would probably be very interested in hearing about your political science thesis" and "aren't you involved in community theatre, Auntie? That's one of Tim's great interests!" and other such inanities designed to discover some common conversational middleground.
Fi and I just said that either if you were in a long term relationship or you were invited to our wedding and wouldnt know a lot of people... than you could bring a guest
We only gave plus ones to friends and people not living at home, generally. All of my single cousins living at home didn't get a plus one but another cousin, in different circumstances, did. If any cousins who happened to be living at home asked about bringing a date I probably wouldn't say no. So to answer your question - we went case by case.
If they're dating someone, they get a plus one. People in relationships are couples, couples are a social unit, they are invited together. People who are truly single don't need a plus one unless you want to.
We're giving everyone who's dating someone a plus one, then the truly single people are case by case. FI's good friend who is perpetually single will not get a plus one- we don't want him picking some random person, and he'll know probably half of our 250 guests. He'll be just fine. My cousins, on the other hand, who will only know my dad's family, will get plus ones. I mean, you know your friends/guests... Who would appreciate one and who wouldn't care?
We're just doing plus ones for long term relationships. I've been to more weddings solo than with a plus one, and it's fine. (Just put singles together, vs. one solo at the all married couple table...that happened to me once, and was pretty annoying.) I've never been upset with the couple for not including a plus one on the invite.
We did it case by case. Bridal party got a plus one if they wanted. My aunt (a divorcee) gets one because my uncle will be there with his new wife. My BF's mom can't drive at night, so she got one.
But for most cases, if the guest hadn't talked to us about their SO or we hadn't met them, we just gave them one seat.
ETA - We also should be getting cards back in the next few weeks, sooooo... I'll let you know how that works out. ;)
@aspasia475: Yes! I was about to say that we're doing it on a case-by-case basis but we're actually doing what you describe as option C.
Almost all of our friends and family are in relationships, we have met and know all of their partners. There are only a handful of single guests and in that case they will be surrounded by friends and family and we see no need for them to invite a complete stranger to our small wedding.
Although sometimes I wonder if those people do expect a plus one. We've made it very clear to everyone that asks about our wedding that it's a small celebration so hopefully they've caught on!
I think the case by case option is risky. People could get pretty upset if you tell them not to bring a +1, they show up at the wedding and find out you've extended that courtesy to other guests but not to them.
@Wonderstruck: This is the best advice, etiquette-wise. You are only 'required' to invite guests for those in a relationship, but it is nice to include them for people who are travelling as well. But the single traveller guests are totally optional (up to you).
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So, the +1 question. Our wedding is going to be medium-sized (+/- 125 people), and I am best debating how to handle the question of +1's for our single guests. As I see it, we have two options on the table:
Option A. Everybody has the option for a date if they want one. Initially this was going to be my plan, because at this point in our lives (mid-thirties--ugh that sounds old!), most of our friends are married or in relationships, so the potential number of +1's isn't catastrophic. Especially because many of our single guests will have a large number of close friends attending the wedding, so I would think that many of them won't bother to bring a guest if they're not dating anyone. But lately I've been second-guessing this and wondering whether they might not surprise us by pulling dates out of the woodwork!
Option B. Case-by-case basis. This is kind of what I'm leaning towards at the moment, because while the +1 number isn't catastrophic, it isn't nothing, either. There are some guests I KNOW I want to invite with a date--my cousins who are bridesmaids, our friends who will be flying in from across the country, and our assorted friends who will barely know anyone else at the wedding and who I know would enjoy it a great deal more if they didn't have to spent the whole night making conversation with near-strangers. So, this approach would mean that about half the total number of singles would get +1s, and the other half, who will already have a bunch of friends attending, would not. For the most part, our friends are grownups and I really can't see any of them getting their nose out of joint because they didn't get a +1 and somebody else who had extenuating circumstances did. But, maybe I'm kidding myself!
What do you think is the better option?