(Closed) Is this reasonable or am I asking for trouble?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How to handle +1s?
    Every single guest gets a +1. : (39 votes)
    38 %
    Case-by-case... +1s only go to guests where it's a quality-of-life issue. : (63 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    In My Humble Opinion, Definitely definitely definitely allow single people, ESPECIALLY if they are in their mid 30’s (no, not THAT old! 😉 ) to bring +1’s even if they know a lot of people at the wedding.

    I don’t like the idea of a case-by-case basis because you really have the potential for feelings to be hurt. Either every single guest gets a +1 or no one does.

    Just my two cents. I know it is a hard choice especially when you look at the final number of people you’re inviting, but I think its the right thing to do, and your initial feeling on the matter is what you should stick with.

    Post # 4
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I did case by case.  I invited everybody with a significant other at the time that I sent out invites with their SO invited by name.  I gave a couple guests who would know very few people at the wedding the option of bring an “and guest”, but my cousins and stuff that would have a circle of people to hang out with, I didn’t.

    Post # 5
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wouldn’t expect every single guest to bring a +1, so I would do it case-by-case. Maybe you can put something on the invites about e-mailing if they need to bring a guest.

    I could see people in relationships bringing a their SO, but bringing a friend as a guest seems like a waste.

    Post # 6
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I only gave +1s to people in a relationship/dating or people who were traveling to attend. I didn’t really see the need for my single aunt to bring a date, for example, when she had tons of family members who would be there and her children were coming in from out of state with her grandchildren. If I had anyone coming who was single and wasn’t really going to know anyone I probably would of made an exception, but we didn’t have any situations like that.

    Post # 7
    11343 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    We only invited spouses, fiancees and couples who were living together. The only “exception” I made to this rule was a friend from work who had been in a relationship with the same man for 20 years. All of my other single friends were not invited with a guest, simply because we did not have the ability to accommodate all of those “plus ones.”

    I did not marry until I was in my 40s, and I attended the weddings of most of my friends without being invited to bring a date, and I still was able to have a great time at these weddings.

    Post # 8
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I’d do it on a case-by-case basis. Make up some rules and stick to them as much as possible. For example: serious relationship, traveling, or doesn’t know anyone at the wedding get a plus one and no one else gets one. Sure some people may be upset they don’t get a plus one, but I wouldn’t worry about that, none of your guests has the right to invite anyone to your wedding.

    Post # 9
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I offered everyone a +1 if they were unmarried, especially if they were young. The thing was though, very few (maybe one or two) took us up on it unless they were in committed relationships. Something about weddings, people don’t like bringing friends? Maybe that’s more of a “my family” thing, though.

    Post # 10
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    We’re doing ours case by case based on relationship status and how many other people the single guest will know.  I want all my guests to feel comfortable, but we are so very tight on space at our reception venue.

    Post # 11
    1696 posts
    Bumble bee

    Option C: Nobody gets a “Plus One”. You invite every guest personally, by name, by invitation sent directly to his or her own address or handed into his or her own hand. And you know personally — adequately to be personally able to vouch for the respectability of — every single guest.

    Naturally, if one of your dear friends is married, you will personally know their spouse — or really, how close a friend are you? — and will be inviting the spouse by name on the same invitation just as sincerely. And if someone who is engaged is close to you, you will have met their fiance and can find out their address to invite them individually by name. And, of course, people who are living together, or who have been displaying mutual affection publicly for multiple years, must politely be assumed to be secretly married or secretly engaged.

    For the rest, you may choose to ask “is there someone you would like me to invite?” and, if you are then provided with a name and address, and an introduction to this someone (or at least a strong voucher on the part of your friend that this someone is quite respectable) then you send him or her a personal invitation. You also go to the effort of arranging seating-plans to create congenial conversational groups, and you make sure that either you or the Aunt Brigade or the Girlfriend Cadre undertake to be diligent about making proper introductions between people all night. Not just “Aunt Aspasia, this is Buckie’s Uncle Tim”, but the short conversation full of “Aunt Aspasia is in politics, Uncle Tim: she would probably be very interested in hearing about your political science thesis” and “aren’t you involved in community theatre, Auntie? That’s one of Tim’s great interests!” and other such inanities designed to discover some common conversational middleground.

    Post # 12
    1587 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Fi and I just said that either if you were in a long term relationship or you were invited to our wedding and wouldnt know a lot of people… than you could bring a guest

    Post # 13
    1370 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    We only gave plus ones to friends and people not living at home, generally. All of my single cousins living at home didn’t get a plus one but another cousin, in different circumstances, did.  If any cousins who happened to be living at home asked about bringing a date I probably wouldn’t say no. So to answer your question – we went case by case.

    Post # 14
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If they’re dating someone, they get a plus one.  People in relationships are couples, couples are a social unit, they are invited together.  People who are truly single don’t need a plus one unless you want to.

    We’re giving everyone who’s dating someone a plus one, then the truly single people are case by case. FI’s good friend who is perpetually single will not get a plus one- we don’t want him picking some random person, and he’ll know probably half of our 250 guests.  He’ll be just fine.  My cousins, on the other hand, who will only know my dad’s  family, will get plus ones.  I mean, you know your friends/guests… Who would appreciate one and who wouldn’t care?

    Post # 15
    4194 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    We’re just doing plus ones for long term relationships. I’ve been to more weddings solo than with a plus one, and it’s fine. (Just put singles together, vs. one solo at the all married couple table…that happened to me once, and was pretty annoying.) I’ve never been upset with the couple for not including a plus one on the invite.

    Post # 16
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think case-by-case basis is fine.

    The topic ‘Is this reasonable or am I asking for trouble?’ is closed to new replies.

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