Is this reasonable to be asked to spend on a bachelorette?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It doesn’t matter if the weekend will cost $270 or $2,700 if you can’t afford either. Tell them what you’re able to pitch in, say you wish you could do more but can’t, and let them make the call.

Post # 3
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

For an entire weekend, I do not think it is unreasonable.  However you have to do what is best for you and your finances.  You are going to get a lot of different answers about what is considered “reasonable” here on the bee.  

How far away is the location?  Is there a way you can show up for part of the event to make it more affordable and nix the hotel room completely or just stay one night.  

I think that when a bride requests destination parties, they need to be prepared for some people to decline based on the cost.  Remember it’s an invitation, not a summons.  Just don’t wait until the last minute to tell them if you can’t go.  

Post # 5
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well you can afford what you can afford and don’t feel bad if you can’t participate because of that but yes, that is quite reasonable for a weekend away in my opinion. 

Post # 7
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Anonymous9042:  Then they want you there, so you should go. I’ve definitely missed out on stuff like this while I was in grad school and broke (frankly I think destination bachelorettes are ridiculous), so I get it. But in this case, the bride and MOH care so much about your participation that they are willing to subsidize it. You should go and celebrate with your friends. 

Post # 9
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I am not sure where you are, but I think that type of weekend will cost a lot more than yoive budgeted. Meals in particular can really add up, especially if there is wine or champagne involved. Be clear with the other girls what you can afford and make sure that the division of costs is agreed upon in advance. Personally, I wouldn’t really want to subsidize another girl’s party weekend unless we were pretty close.

If you chose to cut costs by not drinking, you could be DD so you won’t have to take cabs or whatever if you’re bar crawling or club hopping.

Post # 10
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Anonymous9042:  I would be honest about what you can afford. A friend of mine who got married just wanted an ‘out of town’ bachelorette (we grew up in a small town), so they came to the city where I lived and I planned the evening (even though I wasn’t in the wedding party). I asked repeatedly for the budget per person, and sent emails and everyone said “that’s fine, it’s good”. 

We rented a suite for the night that with two bedrooms and a sitting room for out of town girls to cash, a friend knew someone who worked there so we even got a 20% discount (score!)… we did bottle service for 200.00.There were 12 of us.  So it was going to be 100 per person for the evening (including their food and gas to get there, and I would pay equal even though I didn’t plan to stay in the room). Everyone agreed… so I booked stuff on my credit card. 

The theme was “Little Black dress”, and I’m a make up artist also… so I brought along with me a trove of LBD’s and did make up applications… at some point while I was doing make up, the bride ended up in the second bathroom crying because all of a sudden two of her bridesmaids decided they couldn’t contribute anything to the weekend (I put up half of the cost of the room already assuming the girls would pay me back their shares) So I figured fine, their room share is covered by me, and With a generous tip, the Bottle service was going to be 20.00 – 25.00 per person, so I figured they would pitch that in and it’s all good… but they decided they weren’t able to pitch anything and it became a huge drama and said they only brought 20.00 each for drinks, so I said… just put that towards bottle service and drink as much as you want (better than paying out for drinks). (Not to mention these two were the only two who also had their make up done first, and wore my dresses… :S)

They refused that too (I still dont know why), anyways I ended up eating a lot of the extra costs, and the brides night was ruined. I just felt as though all of this drama could have been avoided had they just given me a heads up that they weren’t able to contribute. 

I’m not saying you’d cause a drama, but I wasn’t in the financial place to keep eating their extra costs and I know how stressed out I felt, especially since I still had to travel the next weekend for the shower, and two weekends after that for the wedding. I’m sure honesty is always best and avoids you feeling stressed, or you missing out. It’s really tough to work something that works for everyone… but my main concern was making sure the wedding party was able to participate… the MOH even offered to pay their dinners and cabs for the evening to further help. I just really wish they had even just pulled me aside or email me privately and said “I’m not sure I can budget this” because I would have definitely worked in their budget as best I could!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  MadameHibou.
Post # 12
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I feel for ya.  I’m in a wedding in a couple months and the mob is trying to get all the maids to spend approx $400 for one night at a spa.  It would be room, lunch, access to spa, dinner, drinks.  I told her I could only afford $125-150 as im not working right now and I feel I’m on their bad side because I voted against it.  

 

Personally, I think if the bride knew how much she wanted us to spend for bachelorette she would be against it

Post # 13
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

ishafortin:  this was my worst nightmare planning my friends bachelorette.  We ended up doing a cruise, so everyone could book their own room so no one had to put money up for strangers.

Anonymous9042:  yeah. I’m not sure where you are going for the party, but be mindful of the food and beverage like she said.  Esp if you don’t know where you are going to eat.  If you end up going somewhere fancy, it could blow that budget in one meal. Did you calculate cab rides and tipping in as well? Looking at the numbers again, I think it has the potential to go over budget once you get there.    

Post # 14
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Use square cash or venmo and get the $$ in advance. Otherwise, it’s really unfair!

Post # 15
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable amount at all, but if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. But no need to try to judge how much cheaper they could’ve gotten it, it doesn’t seem like the “cheapest girls’ weekend ever” was the goal for the Bach party and understandably so. You have to choose what youd be most comfortable with (besides them changing hotel or itinerary) given circumstances and talk to planners about it. 

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