- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Wow. I don't think you'd be out of line to say you can't afford it. $350 is really expensive, especially if you also have to get shoes, have it altered, and won't ever be able to wear it again. I wouldn't put it to her that way, but I think it's reasonable to say you hadn't anticipated having to pay for it so quickly. Are you also having to travel? If not, then it's a little more reasonable because you're not having to spend those hotel costs. If so...ouch.
no travel. i already paid for it and told her i was not expecting that. the thing was, she was very nice about it but her tone was a little too much... like "wow ir eally didn't consider cost to be an issue" which pissed me off. I'm sorry I don't have a rich fiancee to support me (she does) ... but then she schpieled on about really wanting me in the wedding. what was i supposed to do? and yes, i'll need it tailored. i am a D cup and she of course got a strapless dress that will most likely need to be taken in. she used the "the color is being discontinued" card as a "look what I did for you as a favor... its cheaper" thing- so if she'd gotten a color, it would have been around 425!!!!!!!!! my god. this girl is out of her mind.
the part that bugs me is this is just the beginning. there will be bachelorette party, my poor boyfriend will have to rent a tux, wedding present, etc. shouldn't you WANT to do your bridesmaids some favors and at least respect their financial wishes so they are enjoying your wedding? This is a NIGHTMARE to me.
s.jpg (57 KB, 89 downloads) 2 years old 
I just dont think i could ask one of my girls to pay that much.... I would feel very very bad... unless i helped pay for it, i dont think it'd even cross my mind!
And I'd think you'd take into account your bm's financial situations as well...
Try to be honest and nice, but honest... more than anything, as a bride, I'd just want to know my girls are there emotionally wanting to do what they could, but i can't blame them if they can't afford something... i'd appreciate such honesty...
I really think that $350 is way too much to expect someone to pay. If she has such a rich fiancee then maybe she can spot you!! But seriously, I understand the frustration with the "oh I didn't think about the money" phrase. How could she not? I know you have already bought it, and I suppose it's petty, but don't get her a very big wedding present, or at least have a discussion with her letting her know that she really put you in a rough spot! Weddings should be fun for the wedding party too!
$350 is A LOT for a bridesmaids dress.. In fact my wedding dress cost less than $600, so $350 would be more than HALF of what my wedding dress cost. Granted, my dress was not that expensive.
As a bride to be, I understand the "want" to make your bridesmaids look like the vision you have in your head... but she needs a dose of reality. I think you should talk to her about how you are feeling. You want to be in her wedding, but you weren't realizing the dress would be so much money and quite frankly, being a student, you can't afford that along with the other expenses you'll be incurring, and having to come up with $350 in a month is strenuous and not in your budget. She STILL has over a year to find a better and cheaper dress. Has she even had any of the BM's try the dress on? Does it even look good on?
I wanted my bridesmaids to look nice, but also to BE comfortable, and to havea dress that IS affordable. My BM dresses are coming in at 145 with tax (which i STILL felt was a little high-it was more than I originally had wanted them to all pay).
Do the other BM's have a problem paying that much? I think if you and some of the other BM's discuss with the bride that it's not doable she will be able to find another dress that fits the bill, she has plenty of time and obviously isn't thinking clearly right now--she's just thinking she found the dress and her color is being discontinued.
Good Luck.
I don't think it's out of line to tell her that you can't afford it. I would be surprised if the other 7 girls aren't having the same dilemna.
Bostonbroke,
I've been on both ends, being the bridesmaid and now I am the bride. I have a budget for the wedding and even if I purchased my own wedding gown as a splurge, I would not expect my bridesmaids and friends to do the same on a bridesmaid dress. Honestly, $350 is high unless its a dress that does not look like a bridesmaid dress and you can wear it again. But from reading your post, that is not the case. You should talk to the bride. Give her a little heads up that you cannot afford this (and perhaps some of the other girls cannot either.) Explain to her your situation and that you would love to be a part of her wedding but that you have $X budget and are trying to factor in the other costs as well (such as shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower, bach party, etc.) See what she says. Maybe she is having a hard time finding dresses she likes and could use some help researching.
Be honest, but sensitive, and have a frank conversation. This will give her some perspective as well as hopefully open her eyes to making you purchase other expensive bridesmaidy items for her wedding.
Good luck!
Wedding-000622.jpg (1742.1 KB, 49 downloads) 2 years old 
I didn't even pay $350 for my WEDDING dress. I told the girls they could wear whatever dress they wanted in either blue or green. EAsy.
It sounds like you've already bought the dress though? If I were you I would have a heart to heart with your friend and explain your current situation. If you still can I would return the dress and try to find a similar less expensive one.
no idea i don't know the other bridesmaids. im guessing they're all rich because she seemed kind of surprised when i said something. i was nice about it but she kind of backed me into a corner and said shed pay for some of it and i coud pay her back later.... thats nice and all but i still dont see how she could just go and decide on this dress because its the ONLY dress she could have (come on there are billions of dark purple dresses out there) and just tell us that's what it is and expect that to be OK....
I'm getting engaged soon and have thought about this stuff and there is NO way i'd decide on a dress for my bridesmaids unless they all agree to it... besides, the dress can be gorgeous on a mannequin but dresses like that don't always look good on everyone. this is a designer dress, heavy material, kind of flattering but not GORGEOUS, ugly color, floor length w/ train....
did i mention this is an august wedding?
shes just kind of making me feel bad about it but in the "nicest" way possible. i just dont get it. she used to be so money conscious and now she's just out of control.
PS,
Thank you ALL for your honest and thoughtful replies. You're making me feel better. I just wanted to know I wasn't the only person (besides my mother who is horrified...) who was taken aback by this !
Can we see a pic?? I'm getting curious... haha!
Anyway when I answered the poll I said "Depends on the situation"- I was thinking it might be appropriate if the bride only had 1 attendant and it was her sister or something and they were close enough to ask that of each other. But to make all your friends/other relatives, etc, spend $350 is a bit extravagant. I have heard of brides picking $500 dresses and that is just insane.
It is really unfortunate that people are asked to be in weddings because of how close they are, and then things like this come up and get in the way and change everything. I was in my friends wedding recently and spent over $1000 on it after factoring in flights, dress, alterations, gift, etc- $1000 I couldn't afford! She never even sent me a thank you card for the gift, let alone all the effort in going there, etc. I sent her parents a thank you GIFT for paying for my hotel room, and still nothing from her.
I feel like brides need to be more considerate of their friends/family when asking them to be a part of their special day. Nowadays it is almost painful being asked to be in weddings because of everything it entails with costs, etc. I'm trying to keep that in mind for all of my bridesmaids and I hope I'm doing a decent job of it!
Looking back, I wish I had told my friend that I just couldn't afford to be in her wedding. Yes, it's an honor, but one I could have gone without. You might want to consider doing the same!
I am sorry that you are in such a predicament. Unfortunately its sounds like you are already committed to the dress since you have already purchased it.
While some here may be budget and see $350 others may be less budget conscious and don't see the "big deal". All you can do is let your friend know that this is was far more than you had expected and its impact to you. Maybe you can speak to her and get a better idea of future cost of being a BMs (ie. some out of town bachelorette party, etc) at least you will have a heads up for the next big expense.
Good Luck!
That's more than my gown cost!
P_6619_1_127046.jpg (8.1 KB, 57 downloads) 2 years old
i think $350 sounds like quite a bit for a dress! unfortunately, i do think that some brides get so wrapped up in the planning process, spending thousands of dollars per contract, that having each bridesmaid spend several hundred dollars on a dress "doesn't seem like that much".
you did mention that when you get married, you won't decide on a dress until all the BMs agree on it. just a word of caution, that might be more difficult than you imagine! at the very least, keep it a PRICE they can agree on but don't beat yourself up if they don't love it. there are few colors, styles, and fabrics that flatter everyone!
Hey, if she's going to refund you some of the money, by all means take her up on it and do not feel guilty about it!
I have to be honest, I am disgusted.
As a fellow grad student in the BOS area (who is about to graduate, and has NO savings left) I would call her up right now (if you have already purchased the dress) and explain, in the nicest manner possible, that you absolutely cannot afford that expensive of a dress. Mention you are a grad school student now, and would really appreciate it if she could chip in, otherwise you will have to withdraw as a bridesmaid. I am getting married, and a lot of my bridesmaids are 26 or 27, have full time, great paying jobs in BOS and have all told me (when I asked) that the max they can afford is 100, and thats what I have stuck to (and tried to get under). Trust me, as a first year grad student, a year from now you are REALLY gonna regret not saving some of that cash.
If she really is a good friend, she won't let money make it impossible for you to help support her in marrage, which is a joyus commitment that goes way beyond money.
First - I agree with Monalisa - I HAVE to see this dress!! All the wedding dresses I'm looking at aren't even that much, even though I know they are out there, I can't bring myself to spend that much money.
Second - my mom was a sweetheart and paid for my dress for my best friend's wedding and I know it wasn't under $200 but it is actually something I can wear again and I got something that had a lot of coverage on the top (I'm not a small girl and I HATE when my boobs are the focus of everything).
Third - I will be paying for my daughter's dress so all my BMs dresses will be no more then $100 and even if I didn't have to pay for my daughter's dress, I wouldn't go crazy. I know my friends can afford it, but I don't want any of them to post on her about how nuts I am for making them pay for an ugly dress that they all hate and will never wear again.
Fourth - Since you have paid for you, I'm sure you can't return it and get all of your money back. I do think you should have a sit down with her and remind her that while you are happy with your life, that life does not have an unlimited bank account attached to it right now.
Good luck and post a pic!!
I said "depends" because I know some people wouldn't hesitate. But I think most people would consider that too much. My MOH found a dress she really liked that was about that much, and I told her it was too much even though she was paying herself. As a BM, I'll go to $200, but then I start getting anxious. Over $300 should be researved for when (a) the bride is paying or (b) for some freakish reason every BM has that money laying around and loves the dress.
Whoa! I was in a wedding a few months ago, and the dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, and makeup combined didn't even cost that much! When I was picking my BM dresses, I tried to go as cheap as possible. I would have NEVER expected them to fork out $350...I would have never picked a dress without getting their opinions first.
$350 is outrageous...especially given that she did not get your opinion on the dress first. The only reason I can imagine doing this is if everyone saw the dress, agreed it was too beautiful not to have and they'd pay any amount for it. In other words, a very extreme circumstance. I would be embarrassed to ask my friends to pay that much. Hello!? We are in a reccession!
Unfortunately I don't know what to tell you to do. You already paid for it, right? That is too bad, I would have told you to tell her no way, that you could not afford it.
I think $350 is way beyond what most people would expect a BM to pay w/o consulting them first. I personally wouldn't go over $200 and tried to stay closer to $100, but mine ended up being about $160 with shipping.
Oh my. My bridesmaids were really upfront with me and told me that $150 was the max, dress, shoes, everything. I checked that with all bridesmaids, and they were ok with that price. The bride really should have checked with you before committing you to that big of a purchase!!
Paigee - - I would ask the bride if it's possible for her to help you pay for the dress. Since you gave her fair warning that you didn't have much to spend on a dress, it's only fair that she help you pay for what you cannot afford, or else she should choose another dress. Frankly, it sounds a bit Bridezilla to me.
For starters I NEED to see this dress for real after reading all this!
I said "it depends" because it's a situational thing. Like maybe if a bride were paying for it, then it she wants to blow all that money it's up to her. Or, if it's a really ritzy wedding where the bride and all the BMs can easily afford something like that, then go ahead. The dress for my girls didn't cost that much, but if I could go back I would have 1) asked for their max budget and 2) probably do a black dress, possibly of their choosing.
You've already paid for the dress (which was WAY too expensive IMO) so the only place to go from here is forward. There are still lots of other expenses she might expect you to incurr, such as shoes, hair, makeup, etc. If I were you I would try now to head off a repeat off the dress incident by talking to the bride. Tell her, "$350 is what I could afford to spend on everything, and I've already spent that on the dress. What are your plans for shoes, hair and makeup? Can I wear my own shoes and do my own makeup and hair so I don't go over budget?"
2010-02-06_012204.jpg (26.1 KB, 25 downloads) 2 years old 2010-02-06_012350.jpg (26.9 KB, 11 downloads) 2 years old 2010-02-06_012412.jpg (26.8 KB, 12 downloads) 2 years old 
Paying $350 for a bridesmaid dress is outrageous. I fell in love with Jim Hjelm designs, that is until I saw the prices. Yes they are beautiful but I wasn't going to have anyone paying that much. I would consider the fact that you are traveling and paying for your dress and your fi(bf) tux as their wedding present. The only thing I can think of for her reasoning is that maybe she didn't think that $350 would break the bank for you, different definitions of it and all. But how are you not going to show a dress to your girls before you start ordering.
For me personally I didn't really care what the girls picked out, I was more concerned about the right color (not being a grape purple). So they all agreed on something that they are comfortable in and it was less than $200 with tax.
I wouldn't mind $350 on a BM dress even though I have no job currently. BUT I would not be able to ask my BMs to spend that much knowing that for the one's wedding her dress was discontinued and went for $35 and the others are expecting dresses in the range of $150.
<span class="postby">I agree with snmcdowell. You already paid for the dress-now its time to move forward.
Talk to her now about the expected costs of everything else-the bridal shower, bachelorette party. She's probably going to expect lavish ones for both-tell her now that you can't afford them.
vv
v
v\v\v\
Marni-xl.jpg (21.2 KB, 27 downloads) 2 years old Becca-xl.jpg (19.5 KB, 30 downloads) 2 years old 
$350 for a bridesmaid dress? This must be some dress! Does it give you super powers? Live forever? Stronger? Picture?
Eeek! I felt bad that my BMs were throwing me a shower and going to Vegas for my bachelorette so I bought them all their dresses. Would you be able to sell the dress after the wedding and get something back?
My gf also suggested a $350 Lazarro BM dress and we ALL balked at the cost. Fortunately, we all decided that we had to go shopping with her and found a very decently priced dress that she ended up paying for all of us anyway.
I'm sorry but, what $350? I would never think that someone would be that crazy to expect someone to pay that kind of money for a dress. If you are paying that kind of money for a dress I can only imagine what the shower and stuff is going to be. I just think that it was very selfish on her part to pick out a dress that costs that much. I felt bad that my girls had to fork over $170 for their gowns. I would have to say something if I were you. Good Luck!
$350 is a lot!!! I agree with everyone above, she should have checked with all the BMs about a comfortable price range.
Will you be able to sell the dress afterwards?
To think of it, I actually don't know how much my BM's dress was. I only had one BM and I told her what color I preferred and she just went and got her own dress.
Finally, is there a picture of the dress??? :) So curious!!
Picture_2.png (52.2 KB, 39 downloads) 2 years old 
Yes that is too much to ask. I polled my BMs on their favorite dresses and they all were around $190 or more. So I decided whatever I chose, they would pay $200 and I would just pay the difference! (without telling them though). But I also asked them all first what their budget was, and if anyone had said $100, I would have either found a $100 dress or paid the rest.....
I don't know if you've already laid out more cash, but I think you should be up front with the bride. Her offer to *loan* you the money is hardly enough to help you out. And it will be totally unreasonable for her to insist on your spending tons of money on all the other extras given your situation. When I was a grad student BM my friends were pretty up front about telling me they didn't expect me to spend money on certain things (e.g. flying out for the bachelorette etc). Being a BM is expensive, but there's a limit to what you can be expected to pay. And it sounds like you've already tried to hint in that direction. If you can't afford it, just tell her. And then it's up to her whether she wants to help you out or respect your wish not to be in the wedding anymore...b/c otherwise it sounds like this will definitely linger and infect your friendship.
That is alot of money, Whew...I would talk to her and show her pictures of different dresses in the same color (That way each person can look good and match), If she still wants matchy Matchy, ask if you guys could shop around more, or even see if you got it custom made would it be cheaper? Like everyone says be upfront and Talk to her! My BM are all wearing black of different dresses, We spent $80 CAD on One, $120 on the other, and $150 on one but they were their own decision and price THEY could afford. (Plus they can wear it again)
It is ridiculous that she gave you only a month to order that. I would simply say... I cannot afford that.
That's incredibly expensive! I didn't pay more than $250 for any of my prom dresses! My wedding dress is going to be about that much, though. I wouldn't expect any of the girls to wear something that expensive either, especially when it would only be worn once.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 41 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| his chippymunk | 34 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| TheLionQueen | 31 |
| This Time Round | 31 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| ndreighton | 27 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| LammChop | 11 |
 deborah.dehlinger |
10 |
| gizzy123 | 5 |
| superfashionista23 | 3 |
| Mrs. Chai | 3 |
| MilksMom | 3 |
| ticklemepink | 3 |
| raspberry bride | 3 |
| TwoCityBride | 3 |
| saintsation79 | 3 |
So... I agreed to be a bridesmaid.
This fall, the bride emails (or MOH, cant remember I blacked out) to say she's found a dress for us to wear. Like... it was already decided.
I had 2 pieces of advice for the bride "please don't break my bank acct and please make it a dress that will hold my chest"
She decides on a dress that is 350 dollars and we have a MONTH to pay for it because the color is being discontinued. This needed to be paid for by December 20.
The wedding is next summer.
Am I getting screwed ? Should I have said this is ridiculous ? I feel totally screwed over by a friend of mine. She has 8 bridesmaids and I have no idea if they could all pay but I'm only 25, just got into grad school and really not able to just give that money to an ugly dress I will never wear again (It's floor length with a train..come on.)
Can anyone justify this? I'm feeling awful.