Hi bees! Long time lurker, first time poster. I suppose I am officially a waiting bee; my SO and I have been discussing our (future) engagement for some time and it's just a matter of when. Over Thanksgiving, his sister and her three teenage boys came to visit us. While they were here, his sister made an offer to him to give us her engagement ring. I've just now seen a picture of the thing and it is a beautiful ring--close to what I wanted in the first place, actually. Emerald cut with 4 step stones down (2 on each side). I was told it was a ring valued at $20,000 (not that that matters a whole lot but it just made me go "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaang"). I don't know the specs outside of that, other than it looks to be 5 diamonds in the ring and set in a white metal. I was totally blown away by the offer and think that in a world where we all get sucked in by the WIC and end up spending a fortune on these things, it's a huge financial savings. The only thing I might do to change is have the stones reset.
There are two items that give me pause in accepting this incredibly generous offer. First: it's her engagement ring from her somewhat nasty and recent divorce. This is not really an issue with me, per se, as I don't know if I believe in curses or bad juju, especially with a cold hard diamond. Second: she has 3 sons that are all going to need to go to college, and I feel that the money she could get from selling this ring would be better put to use for her own purposes. While my boyfriend couldn't afford a $20,000 ring, he can definitely afford a nice ring that we would pick out together and I'd love and cherish all the rest of my days.
So I pose the question to you, bees. Given this situation, would you accept an offer like this? Do you think this ring is "cursed" from the bad juju? Or do you think that this is a blessing?
I don't think it's cursed. I would probably want to pick a different setting for the diamonds so I could really feel like it was my ring.
There is no such thing as "curse" or "bad juju." It's just stuff people make up in their heads. Be rational about this, will you ever get a chance to have a ring like this again? It sounds incredible, I'd honestly judge someone who DIDN'T take it due to some silly superstition.
As for the money part, I figure she's probably considered that angle herself way before she offered it to you, so if she doesn't want it, or the money from it... I think this is definitely a stroke of excellent luck for you!!
I don't think it's cursed, but I like that you're thinking about your future sister in law's kids and their future. If the ring is worth anything near what you think it's worth, it could really make a difference to them. I would mention that area of concern to her before accepting it
I understand being nervous about bad energy attached to a ring but I think that because it was offered with love and good intentions you should be good to go.
I would take the ring and then get the diamonds set in another setting, even if it's something similar it will feel like you picked it out together rather than getting a "hand me down" -- not that there's anything wrong with that (Seinfeld)
She's a grown woman, I hardly think that she would have offered you the ring without first thinking about it. Questioning her decision seems rude and ungrateful to me.
Perhaps your FI is going to buy it off her at a very discounted rate? Just because it is worth $20 grad doesn't mean that she would get anywhere close to that if she were to resell it.
I wouldn't, not because I think it's cursed. But because as you said she could sell it and use it to help her and her family out financially. If it were me, I'd want her to sell it.
I'm betting her ring was APPRAISED at 20 grand. Which is right around normal for a good stone. But generally appraisals are way above what it is actually worth, they have to factor in the price of gold in the future and all those other things you need for insurence.
But either way, if she wants to give it to you, Oh I'd snap that up in a heart beat!
if she wants to give it to you then snap that puppy up!
She will have a very difficult time selling the ring for what it's valued at. I think you should take her up on her offer and have it reset. She probably wants to see it put to good use and doing what it was meant to do.
I don't think the ring is cursed, but I think it's nice to have something handed down from a nice situation I guess :P I don't think I would ever have been able to accept a ring like that. Also, I like the sentimentality attached to a ring which has been chosen for me, or if FI and I had picked a ring together. I think the way in which you're questioning it shows that you just need to sit down and think about it, and figure out if it's right for you :)
Also, it's really sweet of you to be considering her kids :) But she might have some funds tucked away in an account to go towards their studies :) I'm sure if she was concerned about it she wouldn't have offered the ring, but it's nice of you to be considerate of them :)
A ring can't be cursed. It's nothing more than a rock and metal. The intention and promise that comes with it is what means something.
If your SO can afford the $20K, then maybe he can put that amount into an account for her kids where it can gain funds over the years.
I wouldn't go as far as to say it's "cursed," but energy affects everything around us. There are, of course, people who will buy houses where the previous owner killed themselves, violently, or were murdered within it, but some people are cautious and avoid it. I mean, really, what can it hurt to pass it up? You get a ring that you and your fiance pick, together, and her boys possibly get a bit of money toward their education. What's the worst that can happen, if you take it? Well, if there really is bad energy left around the ring from a particularly nasty break-up, well, it may affect your relationship. I would much rather be safe than sorry.
If I did take it, though, I would melt it down, reset it, and basically give it "new life," so to speak.
I would graciously accept the offer! I would have it reset though to make it new and "ours"
When one of my best (newly married) friends moved into a house, she was worried because the prior owners were selling it after going through a nasty divorce.
She posed the question to another friend, "Do you think this house is bad luck?"
My friend told her, "Absolutely not! In fact, I think it's a good omen. What is the chance that two marriages would fail in it?"
Maybe think of it that way: the bad juju was used up during the first marriage.
However, I can't help you with the decision to take it or not if she needs the money for her kids. That's completely up to you
I personally wouldn't want it, but as others said, you could have it reset. Perhaps a nice gesture would be to use 2 of the side stones to make a pair of earrings or styled into a pendant for your FSIL to thank her.
That $20,000 is rather meaningless in my experience. Any time I've attempted to sell diamond jewellry, the best I've been offered is about 10% of what the appraisals indicate (of course exceptionally large, high quality stones are a different story when it comes to holding their value when reselling them, however I've never had that problem.lol)
i agree with pp in regards to accepting it and resetting it to make it your own. the ring obviously means nothing to your fsil and she probably just wants it to go to a good home. did your fi offer to buy it from her for a discounted price?
Thanks everyone for your input! Glad to see that I'm not in the minority--my coworkers were making me feel crazy for wanting this ring!
For those of you inquiring regarding his sister cashing it in--it was definitely something she considered prior to offering it to us. Both my SO and I had posed this to her upon the offer. My SO told me she's the sentimental one in the family, so this may be why she wants to pass it along to us--she wants it to have a new home. She wants to ship it overnight to us today--so I may see it as soon as tomorrow.
@HelleCat - you're absolutely right about it being appraised at $20,000. That was what I assumed as well when I learned that information...and now that I've seen the appraisal report, I can confirm that.
I say dont take it!I do feel like its a bad omen to wear rings from failed marriages.. Granted, it's probably just a silly superstition. Also, wouldn't you want something that your FI picked out for you or something that you picked out together that expresses your love and devine union?
Also, what if there's ever a point where you and you FSIL dont get along? What if she uses the fact that she gave you an expensive ring as ammo to throw in your face? What if she tells you she wants it back becuase shes mad at you? What if she asks for it back on day when she really needs the money??
I just think that unless its from your parents or grandparents, you shouldn't take something as valuable as a ring or a car or whatever from a family member, expecially when its for free....
Just my opinion.. Good luck :]
Sorry but it's certainly not cursed. It's very silly to believe an object will affect your marriage or anyone else's IMO. If she can really use the money maybe you could see what you could get out of it (I've browsed Craigslist for example and most diamonds sell for about 1/2 of what they bought them for-not the appraisal value). So people who paid $6000 generally sell it for $3000. So maybe your SO could pay her something like that...something proportional to what she could maybe get by selling it? Especially if you actually love the ring.
[Post moderated for trolling]
@Zemerald: In this day and age of science and understanding, there are still many many things that science has yet to explain, such as dark matter. That said, how kind of you to keep that in mind. Have a lovely day.
1. it's not cursed
2. she'd only get a FRACTION of the appraised value if she tried to sell it
3. by giving it to you and making you happy/celebrating your relationship, it's a great opportunity for something positive to come out of her divorce
4. it sounds STUNNING
@Zemerald: Actually, I was using it simply as an example. Maybe someday we'll discover that we aren't alone, be it aliens in an expansive multiverse, I mean, if you think about it, statistically speaking, our planet can't possibly be the only one that life sprung from, given how many are out there, maybe we'll find that multiple universes exist in one area, which, of course, would go against the whole idea of two objects being unable to exist in the same place. I just don't limit my mind to what science knows at the moment, but also might be.
But, this is a divergence. As I said, have a lovely day. ^_^
@Zemerald: Have a lovely day.
I don't think it's cursed, and I would consider taking it if you like it.
Things I would consider:
Is she the type of person to lord it over you that she gave you your ring? Meaning, will you be indebted to her for life or something? Or will she want to always mention that the ring came from her? I'm assuming not; she sounds very generous, but if the answer is yes to any of this, I don't think it's worth it.
My 2 cents.
@MsRealityTV: Objects can hold energy (good or bad). If you're going to accept the offer, I would sage that baby off (or have someone else do it) before you put it to use.
I don't believe in superstitious nonsense like that. That kind of crap just makes me laugh. I think her extremely generous offer to you is nothing less than a blessing you should be grateful for.
She could probably get some money back for the ring, but I doubt 20k kind of money (infact, she'd be lucky to get a five grand). Still, you could let her keep it and sell it, that would be nice of you.
What does your SO think? How does he feel about it?
@phillybride61513: +1 Im with you on that, I wouldnt take it (even though it sounds amazingly beautiful!!). But thats just me. I believe in all that stuff, but if it doesnt bother you that it came from a bad marriage, then go for it =D
I would accept it and have the diamonds reset. I'm excited to see pics :)
@BeachBride2014: That is a great way to look at it! Now I totally want a ring from a broken marriage! (silly as that may seem)
I agree with the pp who mentioned gifting her the earrings. I've only been told it's bad luck if the wedding band went through a divorce. the e-ring is technically a legal contract. it's a promise to masrry the giver. she held up her end, therefore, I think you're just fine accepting it.
if you decide to keep all stones, i would deginitely find something as equally sentimental to give her as a token of ya'lls reciprocated love to her, and a generous token of appreciation
@cheetah2b: The earrings seem like a good idea but I feel like the Sister would have already done something with the ring (like that) if she'd wanted it.
OP I certainly think you should suss out whether she'd actually like the earrings. She may just want the ring out of her life (but still in the family). You don't want to give her something she'll never wear.
The odds are probably astronomical that two marriages would fail with the same ring. So I'd take it and just tell myself the ring is pre-disastered :D
Actually, I'd take a 20k ring even if it WAS cursed!!! 20k!!!
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