(Closed) Is this rude?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it all looks good, but I see what you mean about item one. I might nix that.

However, I’m with you on the other one, #3– I have a similar issue to deal with, so I can feel where you’re coming from.

Post # 4
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

-I would leave out the registry information. 

-Do you really think people will bring their own alcohol?  If so, are they friends that you can tell verbally?  I would think the majority of people wouldn’t have a problem with that. 

-Ditto with the extra guest.  People should know not to do that, and the line about the invitation makes that clear, as well.

Post # 5
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Generally, it’s not appropriate to include your registry with your invite. My hubby and I had a wedding website, and our registry info was on the website so that’s where we directed everyone. We also let our family and the bridal party know, so they spread the word for us.

Post # 6
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Um… I would be like “WTF” if I got this. It’s common sense to most people. Sure, someone might bring an extra guest, or have to park elsewhere. But you’d rather deal with 1 or 2 idiots than have most of your guests resent you. I think the registry and guests being told not to bring extra people are pretty rude. And why would they need the invite to get in? It makes it seem like you consider your wedding an exclusive club or something.

I might put a link to your website on the enclosure. Then on your website you could list a) where you’re registered b) parking advice c) no alcohol with you. The others would, IMHO, be rude to say.

If you don’t have a website you can make a free one on theknot or weebly.

Post # 7
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would eliminate items #1, #3, and #5. If I was your guest, they would all strike me as rude – of course I would not do that!

And with the interweb it is so easy to find out where couples are registered, it is completely unecessary to put down registry information.

Post # 8
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Keep the carpooling note.  Ditch the others.  (If you insist, keep the one that says bring the invitation, but it’s a little ‘let’s keep the riff-raff out’ – maybe someone will come up with better wording.)

Don’t mention the registry.  If people want to know, they know who to ask.  With the ‘guest’ point – decide who will be able to bring a date (a good cut off would be all married/engaged/living together couples must be invited as a couple, all others just have a space on the rsvp card that says __ of 1 guests will attend. (which they then fill in with either 0 or 1)

If you think you need to, you could have someone at the door of the reception to welcome guests… and check their names off a list.  Would be more polite, if you really think you’ll have people ‘crashing’ the reception.

Post # 9
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

….Well, I am having my wedding at a members-only club that will require an invitation to get in, so I see where she’s coming from. There is nothing wrong with that. I should note that it’s the club’s policy, whether I like it or not, so. Maybe it’s the same kind of deal? Only the OP would know.

Post # 10
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I completely agree with kjpugs. I would be really put off by all of those notes.

Post # 11
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have to agree with most of the comments.  I’ve always heard that its a faux pas to include registry info on the invite.  The extra guest and alcohol thing should be common sense, but I understand why you’re worried… Still, I would find that a bit off-putting if I got that on an invite.  The parking thing and the invite thing are totally fine I think though!!  Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i would also eliminate #1, 3, and 5. i actually think 5 is the worst–who would do that?? i think if i received this, i would think it was a little rude.

 

Post # 13
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

The mention of a gift registry within an invitation is considered rude, i.e. “asking” for gifts. This kind of information is circulated through word of mouth, or more commonly these days, on your wedding website (the URL for your website can be included!).

The third item on your list… I don’t think I see its purpose. Guests who are invited are listed, by name, on the internal envelope of your invitation. The RSVP card can read

___ of ___ guests accept with pleasure

___ of ___ guests decline with regret

And you as the hostess fill in the second line with the total number of guests invited for that invitation. Example: if you’re inviting Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their two children,

___ of __4__ guests etc.

and only three can attend, they’d write

__3__ of __4__ guests

 

There is no need to put a disclaimer on your financial situation, nor should you “explain” the etiquette rules of response in an extra note. Again, this type of information, phrased differently perhaps, should go on your website.

Instructing your attendees to bring the invitation with them, however, is CRUCIAL info — I might not remember to bring mine unless specifically instructed to do so.

And… is there another way to word the alcohol request, perhaps a simple “No Alcohol Allowed on Premises”?

Hope I helped a little bit there… apologies for over-wordiness.

 

Post # 14
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree that #1, 3, and 5 kind of come off in an akward/rude way. For #1, it just rubs me the wrong way for some reason  that you say, “In case you’re wondering”. I mean, if they’re wondering, I’m sure they’ll ask you or your family, no?

For #3, I can’t imagine anyone would just show up with extra guests, especially if you specify on the RSVP card how many guests you have included in their party ( 2 seats have been saved for you, etc). It seems strange that you have to tell people to ask permission.

For #5, ditto @poetryreader–would people really bring in alcohol on their own? And that you say “we’ll get in trouble”–it makes it sound like you’re a kid going to a school dance, or like you’re worried your parents will find out.

I don’t know the level of formality of your wedding, but I”m assuming very casual/low-key? I think it’s okay to mention carpooling, but would definitely not PUT IT IN CAPS. And really, that’s probably information that can go one your wedding website and not with the invitation, unless you’re concerned people won’t check the website.

Post # 16
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I see the point about a club possibly requiring some sort of ID of a guest (ie bringing the invite) but PEOPLE WILL FORGET IT. Most peopel don’t bring the invite to a party – it’s not like a ticket to a show. If that’s why they need it, can you give whoever’s checking a list? That way they could give their name. I think that if it’s the place’s policy, that would be more smart and be less weird for your guests.

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