Post # 1
My fiancee and I are planning a destination wedding to Roatan. We will only have a total of 8 guests attending. My sister and my best friend will be attending. Although we did invite our parents and SO brother, they have all declined to attend for their own personal reasons. Just tonight my sister let me know that SO and I need to compile a list of people to invite for a wedding shower they are planning on throwing for us. Now mind you both of us have been married previously to other people. So we have done all the “wedding” stuff before. Although I dont mind having a shower, I dont think it’s necessary. I do think its super sweet of my sis and my bff to want to throw us a shower but is it rude to invite people to a shower that wont be invited to the wedding? Isnt a showers main intention for getting gifts? We are in our 40s and dont need the usual house hold items. We planned a destination wedding so that we wouldnt have to invite a bunch of people. Also our friend circle is very very small. We are hapoy just hanging at home with eachother rather than keeping up with friends. What would you all do in this situation?
Post # 3
@heathie1: Yes its rude to invite anyone to a shower or other pre wedding party who isn’t invited to the wedding. I would express my gratitude and decline.
Post # 4
Yeah, I would say let them throw you a party/celebration close to home without calling it a “shower” and the obligation to bring gifts that that implies.
Post # 5
I would tell them that you (and others) don’t think it’s appropriate to have a shower when none of those guests will be invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
@heathie1: I would tell your sister that you’d rather have a get-together at a local restaurant when you come back. If people want to give you something, they can at that moment and it’s not an obligation (while it’s pretty much rude to attend a shower and arrive empty-handed since the sole purpose of this event is to offer gifts…).
Post # 7
Yeah, I would suggest a celebratory get together prior to or after wedding but don’t call it a shower.
Post # 8
@heathie1: + 1
It is rude to invite people to a shower/ pre-wedding celebration if they are not invited to the wedding.
If your sister and BFF want to find a way to celebrate your union, which I think is SUPER sweet by the way, an after wedding party would be more acceptable. Not a reception or anything where people would be expected to give gifts, like in the case of a shower, but a lovely party. They could let guests know you guys had a very intimate destination wedding and that they want to give you a party to celebrate your love.
Post # 9
@heathie1: I might politely thank them. It sounds like you don’t really want a shower anyways, so it’s okay to politely decline. If they want to do something special for you, an at home reception, that’s very kind, or you might even ask for their help with something else wedding-related!