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is this rude?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
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    nahhan    October 23, 2010   new york

    So this is a rant and i appolgize.

    i have a friend who i love dearly even though she is quite superficial, always late and high maintainace. The thing is i know if it came to a crunch she would be there for me.

    ok so we live in different parts of the world now and i am super excited she is coming 10 hours by plane to my wedding. I have already invited a close friend of her's (just more of an aquantance of mine) so that she definatly knows someone other than me.

    so today she calls me and asks me to buy some $1000 boots for her on my US credit card (her europen one doesnt work on US websites) and she will pay me back when she comes over for the wedding..oh and conviently pop over and pick up her boots.

    er no. Sorry but i have a wedding to pay for. So i told her so.

    Ok whatever. she sulked for a couple of hours then emails me saying she is shipping the boots to me (she got her card to work). so will come over the day before the wedding to pick them up. Er no..sorry i have a tight schedule to stick to that day and i just know i will end up waiting for her.

    In the same email asks if she can bring some family memeber she will be staying with while here for the wedding. who i have never met.

    saying 'it is not imperative but would make her life a lot easier as she will have a ride home'.

    sorry but am i really mean for being really annoyed by this?

    not only does it cost us $250 pp, but we have never met this dude. We are having a 100 guest wedding. so it will be intimate. ugh.

     

     
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    Ms iPhone    October 23, 2010   Southern California

    I don't think you're being rude by saying no. It's not like she won't know anyone at the wedding. As for the shoes, doesn't she have a family member who she could ship them to? I know I would hate to have to wait on someone else for something so un-important the day before my wedding--the day is probably going to be hectic for you as is.

     
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    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    Well, if she is coming from another country to be with you, I honestly think that she should get a +1. To be fair, we had a 70 person wedding and still allowed +1s to our friends coming from Canada, since they we coming from so far away

     
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    Allyser    September 1, 2010  

    It sounds like she is acting just like you should expected her to - high maintenance! If you have an extra spot (maybe due to someone rsvping no) i would let her bring the family member- no reason to cause a thing about it. If you don't then simply tell her you can't have extra's because you already turned the number into the venue and caterer. Maybe she can have her friend meet her and hang out at the wedding after the dinner is served?

     
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    Saeliz    July 1, 2009  

    No, I don't think you are being rude.  I'm sure you have a budget you are sticking to and it's stressful enough as it is.  If you gave everyone a plus one your list could be enormous!  If she knows people are the wedding she should be fine.  

     
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    JamaicaBride    May 14, 2011   Charlotte, NC

    @nahhan: I would definitely ask her to ship the boots to the friend/relatives house where she will be staying. As for the +1....considering that she is flying in from out of the country to attend your wedding, I think you should try to accomodate her request for the +1

     
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    JennyW1    February 19, 2011  

    She is being rude.

    If you don't want to pay extra for the guy, you can talk to her and tell her that you will be happy to accomodate an extra guest once some of the RSVPs come in (ie, new guest is "b-list")

     
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    Merry02    June 2010  

    I think it's a little rude of her to ask, but to be honest, I think anybody who is traveling so far to be with you definitely should have been allowed a +1. As for the boots, I'm sure she just doesn't realize it will be an inconvenience. I wouldn't worry about it. Just let her know she can either pick them up at a time when you're there, or else she'll just have to wait. No need to reschedule your day for her.

     
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    Kitty Kat    May 14, 2011  

    Your wedding/reception is $250 per person????????????????? Holy crap!

     
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    organicgal    October 8, 2011   St. Paul, MN

    Wow, $250 pp - if she hasn't planned a wedding she probably doesn't understand how much just 1 more guest can cost. Weddings are freaking expensive - maybe try and explain that to her.

     

    And the real question is: why didnt she just ship the boots to the place she's staying? 

     
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    Busy bee
    Pia2010    November 26, 2009  

    she's being a selfish idiot. say no.  It's your day and she needs to show some respect.  This person has clearly not being married before.

     

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