Is this rude? MIL hates loud music and won't attend reception.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to skip reception of close family because you don't care for their really loud music?
    Yes, it is rude. Suck it up, wear earplugs, stand outside, leave after cake cutting if it's so bad. : (159 votes)
    63 %
    No, it is not rude to skip reception. It is a compliment that she's traveling far for the ceremony. : (93 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    For God’s sake, make an appearance, and excuse yourself early.  It’s not that complicated.

    Post # 4
    Member
    237 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    The wedding is the most important thing. That is where people support the joining in marriage. If a person isn’t comfortable at a party with loud music I wouldn’t hold that against them. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    42460 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If the music bothers her that much and she is willing to travel for the ceremony alone, I don’t even understand why this would be an issue for the bride and groom, much less anyone else.

    She will see them united in marriage and they will save the cost of one plate at the reception.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2103 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @weddingmaven:  Maybe I’m a bitch but.. that’s one less seat to take care of. One less meal to pay for. Whatever.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2684 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    Ear plugs?

    Post # 8
    Member
    975 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    Really loud music bothers me too. REALLY loud music bothers everyone. Maybe she is assuming it is going to be very very loud. Get ear plugs and get over it. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3596 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    So lets get this straight, the family is rehiring a dj that supposed wouldn’t turn down the music for the bride and groom?If multiple guest complained about it it leads me to belive that it was more then loud and probably unbearable. Why should any guest subject themselves to that all night.

     

    I think your Mother in law should attended the ceremony, stay for dinner before the music gets loud then leave. It’s a perfectly fine compromise in my eyes.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yeah I also stuck on the family hiring the same DJ they got complaints about and the guy wouldn’t even turn down the music for the bride and groom?  Not smart planning in my book.

    If she shows for the wedding and has no intention of sitting through the really loud music she has done nothing wrong, and it is much better to tell the couple now so that they don’t pay for her meal.

    I went to a wedding last weekend where we couldn’t hardly talk because of the volume of the music.  It is a pet peeve of mine.  A really big pet peeve.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I don’t see a point in attending a reception where the music is going to be so loud that earplugs would be necessary.  How are you supposed to have a good time if you can’t even have a nice conversation with anyone because the music is so loud?

    Post # 12
    Member
    5883 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We had the same thing happen at my nephew’s wedding last summer. Even with all the complaints, the DJ DID refuse to lower the volume. His solution was simply to turn the speakers in a different direction which made it a little less ear piercing, but still awful.

    I think attending the wedding ceremony itself is perfectly fine.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    3596 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @strawbabies:  Right. I think it’s rude to host guest in a manner that would make them uncomfortable for the whole night. I’m 28 and I wouldn’t stay there all night.

    It seems to me if the couple wants their guest to have a good time they would play the music at a reasonable level.

    Post # 16
    Member
    7195 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @weddingmaven:  I didn’t tick because my option is in between: MIL should attend the reception and leave the minute the music gets loud.

    No one should be so uncomfortable at an event that they need earplugs. Plus, if the music’s so loud, what’s the point of being there? You can’t talk to anyone so you might as well leave.

    I think most of the blame lies with the hosts. It is really inconsiderate of them to be re-hiring the same DJ when they were complaints about the music level last time.

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