Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur
Okay, let’s start with fiance and I have never doesn’t a holiday together. He is always welcome at my mother’s house but chooses not to come. I am not asked to come to his mom’s house ever ( though he claims I’m invited, there is no need to ask me) However, his mom verbally invites his child’s mother and even sometimes her mom and dad! That’s a low blow.
Well, this year we planned to have our own thanksgiving. Then yesterday he asks if his mom can come bc she had nowhere to go ( her step daughter asked her to come over but she doesn’t want to go so it’s not like she has nowhere to go). I’m mad. I have never once been invited to her place for holidays and my family isn’t coming over because we planned thus to be just us. She always has to butt into our relationship and I feel like this is another way. FI is 30. She needs to cut the cord. She gets so mad and jealous when he does things for me and acts like he’s her bf. I found texts from her to fi and they were the things a gf would say to her bf. ( and I know it’s her bc it’s her phone #). I was pretty grossed out.
Every year I buy his family gifts even though I’m not invited and I get nothing (not like I’m looking for anything but a card or a thank you would be nice) Now all of a sudden because her son wants to spend the holiday with me and not her, she wants to come around? I knew this was going to happen. I just wanted one holiday together, alone, in our new house. Is that out of line? Especially when fi agreed?
Post # 3
Holidays to me are about family, so yes I think it’s kind of rude to not let her come. It sounds like she sucks but she’s still family and will be your future mother in law. You may not have a great relationship, but it doesn’t hurt to always try and build and improve it.
Post # 4
@MissHarleyBlue: Personally, I’d put my foot down.
It would be totally different if she’d welcomed you into her own, etc; but she hasn’t. So, no, I wouldn’t allow OH to invite her. The plan was for you two to spend it together, just the two of you. I think he’s being unreasonable even asking.
Post # 5
I’d invite her. Its kind of petty not to IMO. Plus I think killing them with kindness is often the best remedy to situations like this.
Post # 6
Yeah, it’s a little shady that she’s never invited you and now wants to come, but not only is she your FI’s family, she’s going to be yours too, soon. And like any other family member that you don’t like, you still gotta invite them.
Post # 7
Why would you be doing Thankgiving without family if you have them? We all suck it up and have dinner with family…that’s the whole point…you can have many dinners alone the rest of the year.
Post # 8
Family and holidays can be a very complicated situation. I’m not quite clear on your post – your FI says you are invited just not verbally asked by his mom? That sounds like an invite to me. I don’t get a personalized invite from FI’s parents – it’s just sort of assumed that I am welcome and I don’t find that offensive. But I could be missing the mark here and there are obviously other things going on.
Regarding the holidays, I think it is best you allow her to come. I know you wanted a one-on-one holiday but inviting her to your home is a lovely gesture and makes you the bigger person in this situation. And who knows? Maybe it will be a really nice time for everyone and she will change her attitude about spending holidays together. It could potentially be a good thing for your relationship with her to include her.
Post # 9
Without knowing the extent of their in appropriate texts/relationship, it’s hard to say if I would have an issue. But I’m inclined to say I would let her come. I wouldn’t let anyone be alone on a holiday, but that’s just me.
Post # 10
I think holidays are about unity and being with family, even if there are disagreements. I would happily open my home to DH’s family.
I do think you and your FI need to get on the same page about holidays and your feelings about how his mom treats you. If you’re not okay with the actions, something should be addressed.
Post # 11
@MissHarleyBlue: It sounds like you are invited she just doesn’t personally come up to you and say you are. If that is the case you are blowing this out of proportion. Either way, holidays are about spending time with family. You may not like her, but that is still your FI’s mom, and he loves her. You can have many dinners alone together.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
You should definitely let her come. It could be a big step in your relationship with her! I don’t understand why you would want a thanksgiving without family, anyway.
Post # 13
I think it’s kind of petty to say no, BUT I completely understand why you would. Sounds like she’s manipulative and rude the REST of the time, so why should you accomodate here now of all times?
I don’t really have any advice. I just don’t blame you!
Post # 14
Things are never going to get better if one of you doesn’t make an effort. And you can’t really complain about her not inviting you if you don’t invite her. Be the bigger person and let her come.
Post # 15
you have the rest of the time to eat alone with your SO. special dates are littered throughout the year for couples–valentine’s days, anniversaries, birthdays, wedding anniversaries etcetc. but these holidays are about family, and I would definitely let her come. anything less would be mean…
I mean I can understand if she asks to hang out with you two on valentine’s day or something, but, it’s thanksgiving! the more the merrier??
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur
@megz06: How an I invited if I dont know when and where the holidays will be? FI works every holiday so it’s not like we would be showing up together ( we haven’t lived together before). Every year I ask what is going on and he won’t give me any details so it’s not like I’m invited and know where to show up.
Either way, I think it’s bs that he is springing on me the last min. My mom’s happy we’re finally spending a holiday together and first holiday in my new house, at that.