Is this rude of me?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Holidays to me are about family, so yes I think it’s kind of rude to not let her come. It sounds like she sucks but she’s still family and will be your future mother in law. You may not have a great relationship, but it doesn’t hurt to always try and build and improve it.

Post # 4
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MissHarleyBlue:  Personally, I’d put my foot down.

It would be totally different if she’d welcomed you into her own, etc; but she hasn’t. So, no, I wouldn’t allow OH to invite her. The plan was for you two to spend it together, just the two of you. I think he’s being unreasonable even asking.

Post # 5
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d invite her. Its kind of petty not to IMO. Plus I think killing them with kindness is often the best remedy to situations like this.

Post # 6
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yeah, it’s a little shady that she’s never invited you and now wants to come, but not only is she your FI’s family, she’s going to be yours too, soon. And like any other family member that you don’t like, you still gotta invite them.

Post # 7
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why would you be doing Thankgiving without family if you have them? We all suck it up and have dinner with family…that’s the whole point…you can have many dinners alone the rest of the year.

Post # 8
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Family and holidays can be a very complicated situation. I’m not quite clear on your post – your FI says you are invited just not verbally asked by his mom? That sounds like an invite to me. I don’t get a personalized invite from FI’s parents – it’s just sort of assumed that I am welcome and I don’t find that offensive. But I could be missing the mark here and there are obviously other things going on.

Regarding the holidays, I think it is best you allow her to come. I know you wanted a one-on-one holiday but inviting her to your home is a lovely gesture and makes you the bigger person in this situation. And who knows? Maybe it will be a really nice time for everyone and she will change her attitude about spending holidays together. It could potentially be a good thing for your relationship with her to include her.

Post # 9
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Without knowing the extent of their in appropriate texts/relationship, it’s hard to say if I would have an issue. But I’m inclined to say I would let her come. I wouldn’t let anyone be alone on a holiday, but that’s just me.

Post # 10
Member
11722 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think holidays are about unity and being with family, even if there are disagreements.  I would happily open my home to DH’s family.  

I do think you and your FI need to get on the same page about holidays and your feelings about how his mom treats you.  If you’re not okay with the actions, something should be addressed.

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissHarleyBlue:  It sounds like you are invited she just doesn’t personally come up to you and say you are. If that is the case you are blowing this out of proportion. Either way, holidays are about spending time with family. You may not like her, but that is still your FI’s mom, and he loves her. You can have many dinners alone together.

Post # 12
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You should definitely let her come. It could be a big step in your relationship with her! I don’t understand why you would want a thanksgiving without family, anyway.

Post # 13
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s kind of petty to say no, BUT I completely understand why you would. Sounds like she’s manipulative and rude the REST of the time, so why should you accomodate here now of all times?

I don’t really have any advice. I just don’t blame you!

Post # 14
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Things are never going to get better if one of you doesn’t make an effort.  And you can’t really complain about her not inviting you if you don’t invite her. Be the bigger person and let her come.

Post # 15
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

you have the rest of the time to eat alone with your SO. special dates are littered throughout the year for couples–valentine’s days, anniversaries, birthdays, wedding anniversaries etcetc. but these holidays are about family, and I would definitely let her come. anything less would be mean…

I mean I can understand if she asks to hang out with you two on valentine’s day or something, but, it’s thanksgiving! the more the merrier??

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